the time I was a cheerleader

first off, I'd just like to say that I've been very busy. I'm starting college applications, I'm a senior in high school, I'm involved in a lot of things, but everyone else is also very busy and I don't think anyone even reads this anymore, so why do I start with this really dumb forward?

when I was around 8 years old, my best friend told me she wanted to be a cheerleader, and without thinking, I said, "that's really dumb." and she asked me why and I said, "all you do is do flips and stuff and cheer at sports." I didn't want to tell her the real reason I thought it was dumb was because she could do a back handspring, and I couldn't, no matter how hard I tried. so, in my little 8 year old brain, if I couldn't do it, it was dumb. my mom was a gymnast in her younger years, and she thought that because I was her only girl, I was her only hope of carrying on the tradition. so when I was 5 years old, I got enrolled in a gymnastics class. and I SUCKED. I wasn't flexible, I fell all the time, and my grandma even came to watch a lesson, and she told my mom, "you're wasting your money on this." so, after a year, my mom pulled me out of gymnastics, and all I really knew how to do was turn a cartwheel. so I knew, at a very young age, that I would never be able to make it as a cheerleader.

fast forward to 8th grade, when all my friends decided that they were going to try out for cheer in 9th grade. now this was around the time when I started to actually enjoy playing tennis, so my plans were to defy everyone and join the tennis team instead of the cheer squad. but part of me wanted so desperately to fit in with all my friends, so I began listing all the reasons to why I would be a good cheerleader: I was cute, short, full of energy, I had a loud voice, and I would look so good in a cheer uniform. I would get to go to every football game and everyone would be watching me. I told my best friend that I wanted to be a cheerleader (the same one I tried to convince that cheer was dumb), and she said, "well, you better start taking real tumbling classes, and you better actually learn how to do a back handspring." and then I decided to be rational and I realized I am a horrible dancer, I can't move in sync with anyone, and sadly, I cannot do a back handspring. my freshman year, I didn't end up trying for any athletic teams because my dad's sabbatical in Japan interfered with my first term. but when I went to my first football game, I watched my friends cheering and I thought, I really just want to go down there. just once. I have school spirit. I'm not a gymnast, I'm not a dancer, but I can get the student section pumped up. I learned all the cheers from being in the student section, but as I became more involved in tennis and other things, my desire to be a cheerleader diminished.

until Halloween.

last year, I dressed up as Ron Burgundy, and everyone thought it was super funny. the year before, I was a Duck Dynasty guy and even brought a fake duck that my grandpa uses for hunting, and covered it in fake blood and everything. that was also memorable. but this year, I didn't have any ideas, and since I was a senior, I thought that dressing up was starting to get lame anyway. but then, I remembered that I lost a bet on the first day of school and I was supposed to wear my old ugly tennis outfit from sophomore year on the first day. but I chickened out, didn't do it, and who knows where that uniform went after that. So I thought, well it's Halloween, no one will question me if I wear it on that day! but I knew I wouldn't be able to find it. so I asked my best friend on the tennis team if she still had hers, and she said she only had the skirt, but if I wanted, I could wear it with her old cheer top from freshman year, and go as a cheerleader with an ugly skirt. (she actually ran into me at the gas station that night, and she had the clothes IN HER CAR so in our weird gas station rendezvous I came back with my Halloween costume.) Halloween was on a Saturday, so that Friday at school, I wore the cheer outfit and a lot of people told me I looked good (even though I didn't), but it just wasn't Ron Burgundy or Duck Dynasty. then, I got a brilliant idea.

the next day (which was actually Halloween) was the first round of the playoffs for football. I figured if I show up to the game in the cheer outfit, people would think it's funny and just think I was dressing up for Halloween or showing a bunch of school spirit. but when no one would expect, I would hop over the fence and onto the field and join the cheerleaders and see how long I could get away with it before I got kicked off.

during the second quarter, good things started happening in the game, and it was my moment. I told the student section to move out of the way, hopped the fence, and stood by the cheerleaders. my really good friend Lindsey who also happens to be cheer captain, just starts laughing, hands me her pom poms, and says, "Stand up on my box while I take your picture! and you can lead a few cheers!" everyone looked confused (mostly because the cheerleaders dressed as zombies for Halloween and I just looked like a normal one in an ugly tennis skirt), but then they started laughing and cheering for me. so I led a few cheers from the cheer captain's box, front and center. I didn't care that I couldn't move my arms in sync with the other cheerleaders or that my pompom was in the wrong hand. it was so fun. I couldn't believe that I had the impulse to do it, and that I followed that impulse. so I decided to make the most out of it. after a few minutes, cheer captain needed her box back, so I just stood off to the side next to the JV squad and was completely off sync, but it was so funny to see all my friends walk into the game, look at me, look confused, and then start laughing. I didn't care. in that moment, I wasn't a tennis player or a senior in the student section. I was a Timpview cheerleader.

well, after like 20 minutes, the cheer coach finally notices that something isn't right, and someone let an impostor onto the field. she walks up to me and tells me that I stole a freshman's pompoms and when she comes back, I need to go back to the stands, and asked me why I was even down there. well, since I wasn't a real cheerleader, and it was my senior year so it was really the last time I could really do whatever I wanted, I said, "I'm cheering! It's Halloween! Only this one time!" and she is not amused and tells me not to go down there ever again because it's some liability thing, and I guess I sassed her some more, but as soon as the freshman came back, I returned her pompoms, and she looked very confused, but I didn't want to explain to her, so I just went back to the stands.

well, everyone was just laughing. I was greeted with, "you are my hero!" "you're a freaking legend!" "I could never have the confidence to do that!" and "you looked so good down there!"
and I felt good. people asked why I did it, and I said, "well, I just......wanted to do it. it's my senior year, and maybe it was kinda a senior prank." I knew I looked totally stupid down there, but I was having a good time, and I'm just glad that the cheerleaders didn't kick me off or tell me I was doing a bad job. so maybe the next time I get an impulse like that, I shouldn't act on it. but I'm just glad I could live to say I did it once. and it was indeed, the best Halloween ever. one week later, I'm still getting praised for it.

what else have I been doing?

this summer has been quite a busy one! I say that every summer, but this one was far more busier than the last. I had no "lazy days" whatsoever because I would either be at work, on vacation, at tennis camp, tennis practice, tennis tournaments, at some mission call opening party/farewell after-party, and in my free time, I would either be practicing piano or hanging out with friends visiting Utah from other places. so I feel bad for all the "let's hang out this summer!" messages that I wrote in everyone's yearbook that didn't happen. and I already have my schedule and I start school in 2 days. so I better get this post up!

in June, I went to BYU tennis camp. most people stayed overnight, but I didn't because I live 5 minutes away. one of my best friends Grace and her sisters Isabel and Caroline were also there, and we ended up being in the same group! so we did a lot of drills together, conditioned together, and ate together. my favorite thing was playing matches against people from all over the country. (okay, different parts of Utah, Las Vegas, Idaho, and Arizona.) I was ranked 11 out of 30 in my group, which is REALLY good, and it meant that I would be playing a lot of dudes. sadly, I've never beat a dude in singles who isn't my brother or my dad. they are just stronger and hit with a lot of topspin. But I won a few games against them, which is a big deal. I also got to play singles against a girl from the school who won state tennis this year (and my school got SECOND PLACE TO) and she creamed me. but I did beat her in doubles. i also enjoyed playing more doubles. I'm definitely more of a singles player than a doubles player, and I feel a lot more comfortable covering the entire court than just one side. many times after I play a singles match, regardless of whether I win or lose, my opponent has told me, "holy crap you make me run! you wore me out!" or "I never know where your shots are going, but they always make it in, and I've never done so much running in my life!" or "you're so consistent it pisses me off!" (my personal fav). but in doubles, my strategy of outrunning my opponent doesn't work because there's two of them, and if I try to send them to the other side of the court, the net player almost always gets there first and poaches the shot. so, it's a lot of adjustment for me, but I'm glad I got to learn more about sharing the court and how to win a doubles match without outrunning your opponent. I also enjoyed being with all the coaches there. my private coach Francis was in charge of the matches, and it was nice to have a familiar coach who knows the way I play!

 Isabel, Grace, Caroline, and me. believe it or not, I'm the oldest in this group. but I'm 5 feet exactly, and for one drill, we were ranked by our height, so me, Caroline, and a bunch of 12 year olds were in a group. I'm 17 and no one except Caroline believed me. my height can be an advantage at times, but in more ways, a disadvantage. 

 Madi, Grace, and me. I played against Madi in my high school season and she beat me, but we moved past that and became really good friends that week

 some of the coaches: Francis, Nikki, Brian, Scott, Myriam-with-a-y, and Miriam-with-an-i. Francis and Nikki are both British, so it's very fun to be coached in a British accent, and I tend to listen to the instructions more. but I do love all my coaches. 

 Francis and me. Francis has been my private coach since last summer, and he has done wonders with my game. I went from being a JV alternate to being an official JV player! I've learned so much from him, not just about the physical game of tennis but the mental game as well, and it has seriously helped so much. except it can get annoying when I'm playing a match and I do something wrong and this British accent in my head tells me "low to high! remember to follow through! where are you standing? how much room did you give yourself? where did you contact the ball?"

Grace and I

the week after tennis camp, I went to my last girls camp. and it was pretty sweet. best girls camp ever. we went to a different camp than we usually go to, and this one had showers. and electricity. and a zip line and loads of other things. my favorite part though was the guest speakers. they were so real and talked about real stuff and how life isn't always perfect and how we really do need to trust in the Lord when that's all we can do. these people have been through everything. I'm serious. one of them lost her husband to cancer, another has always wanted to be married and have kids but that time hasn't come yet, another had a severely disabled son, one was a mother of 4 or 5 boys plus 20 of their friends (imagine my house x100), and one fell off a cliff in St George and was paralyzed from the chest down and is wheelchair bound. but these people, no matter what they've gone through, are some of the happiest people I've met. and I love how none of them said "everything happens for a reason." I mean, if you lose your husband to cancer and you have to think "well that happened for a reason", then that would suck. they all said that things just happen to us, and we don't know why, but we can either let them define us, or we can grow from them. I loved that.

at the end of July we went to Bear Lake with all my cousins on my dad's side. It was a much-needed vacation, except I felt super sick most of the week and the water was too rough to waterski, so I spent most of my time either playing tennis with my mom or on the beach with my cousins. except I did wakeboard one of the days. I took like no pictures since I was feeling like crap, so this 4 sentence summary will have to suffice.

finally, I had tennis tryouts these past 2 weeks. like I mentioned earlier, I went from being an alternate singles player to making OFFICIAL JV! I have never been so happy in my life. so many good people try out for the tennis team, and my coach doesn't do cuts. instead, she makes an alternate team, and basically, whenever they can play matches, she lets them, but they aren't guaranteed to play every match. I played every match except for 2 last season. but now, I get to go to every practice, play every match, and I have a guaranteed spot at region! except I'm more likely playing doubles than singles, but I don't even care. I'd rather be on JV than be an alternate again! so, hard work does really pay off! 

In case you don't receive our Christmas card..

..well, even if you do get our Christmas card, this one will be a little bit different because it is written by me, and not my mother, who spent 90% of the Christmas card talking about England and New York, and just 10% about what each person was actually doing. (why did I get kicked out from my position of Castle Christmas card writer? I don't know.) Here is the deluxe version, written by Miriam Castle, complete with more pictures and special links to every vacation picture you need to see.

well, if anyone even reads my blog, you already know that we went to England in the spring, and that we had an amazing time. It has been my favorite vacation I have ever taken. Pretty much the beginning of the year was spent preparing for this vacation. And the timing was perfect, because in AP World History, I was in the Europe unit, so in class, we had just talked about the things I saw in England. It was amazing. Also, the huge AP exam was a month away, and the British museum was a great place to review!

We also went to New York and Philadelphia and other places in the summer. Which also was perfect timing, because it was some great summer preparation for AP US History! (If you haven't guessed by now, I'm really liking these AP history classes.) If you want to read more about what we did, click on the wonderful link. I guess 2014 was our lucky traveling year. Dad had wanted to take the family to these places for a long time, and I guess for 16 years, he put it off, but he figured, since I move out in a year and a half(!!!), we better get it done while we can, and it is amazing how my 2 dream vacations happened in the same year. who knows where we'll be going next!

so, now on to the family. all the important stuff my mom left out. now, do we start with the parents or with the oldest child? I don't remember how these work. I'll start with myself.

Miriam (aka me): almost 17, junior. 2014 was an important year for me. I turned 16 in January, and all of a sudden, my life began. I could drive, I could date! the first place I drove myself was to Cafe Rio to eat a celebratory pork burrito. not too long after that, I became the family chauffeur. Almost a year later, I still haven't had any car accidents and have enjoyed the freedom of driving to school and taking friends to lunch and being more "social" this year. I still take piano lessons, and had the chance to play "First Arabesque" by Debussy at Howard Castle in England! In addition, I learned all 15 pages to the 3rd movement of "Moonlight Sonata" by Beethoven and performed it in a competition and made it to the finals! I have accompanied for the choir, and in addition to that, I teach lessons as well! I did the summer tennis city league and was almost undefeated (I lost one match, but it went into tiebreaker), did private lessons all summer, and played JV Singles again for the high school team. I sang the National Anthem twice for the school (once for a volleyball game, and for a basketball game). In addition to all this stuff, I am in 2 AP classes and I'm lucky if I ever get free time! It's a busy life, but I love it.

Wesley: 14, 8th grader who thinks he's in high school. This kid is just about as busy as I am. Wes is enjoying his second year at the gifted program at Provo High School (my rival high school). So, he is in 8th grade, he just takes classes with fellow smart 8th graders at the high school. Who knows where he'll be next year. He has been taking ballroom classes at the school, and he has loved it. He thinks he wants to stay at Provo for high school just to do ballroom, but who knows. we're trying to convince him to go to Timpview with me. He is still taking voice lessons, and always chooses to practice at night while I'm studying. He tried out for the school musical and got a small part as a townsperson. Wesley also played soccer this year and got red carded for slide tackling. He loves mountain biking, playing FIFA, and skiing. Now that ski season is here, no one ever sees him any more!

Justin: almost 12, 6th grade, Mom's favorite. If anyone asked Justin what this year was all about, he'd say, "Sports." Which is what he says every year. He played on his special soccer team with his friends again, and I asked him how many games he lost, and he said, "I don't know. like 3? But remember my last game when I scored 2 goals and one of them was a buzzer beater and it was 14-0?" He has become such a great soccer player, and I love watching him play! He is also doing bantam basketball again, and is a great point guard. He played tennis for the first time this summer on the city league, and he loved it! He and Mom would practice while I was at private lessons, and for his first year, he's pretty good! He can't beat me just yet, but then again, I've beat everyone in my family at least once. He is still taking piano lessons and is getting really good! He also started clarinet and plays in the 6th grade band. He did the ski program with the school in 5th grade, and loved it, and will start snowboarding in January. (You want to know how many times I went skiing this year? Once.) He is always very happy, and can make anyone laugh. Maybe that's why he's Mom's favorite.

 Mom- I'm not stating their ages once they get over 40. In the winter, she took Japanese classes at BYU. Before our vacations, she watched every British history documentary on King Henry VIII. She was a very supportive tennis mom this year, and would play with me every time we got the chance. She has tried to make it to all her kids' activities, which is a hard thing to do. She loves going mountain biking with Dad and Wes, and is still running races. she has only done half marathons this year. In her free time, she drives Dad to work on days I have the car, bakes cookies and other sweet treats, and works in her garden.

Dad- Has been married to Mom for 20 years now. Pretty impressive after having 3 crazy kids. He has been very generous in sharing his car with me since he refuses to buy me my own. It's very convenient since he rides his bike to work from April-November. When he doesn't, he usually agrees to have Mom drive him in the morning and have me pick him up. (I do let him drive at least once a week because I'm nice.) He went to China in the spring for a chemistry conference at some university (I can never remember which), and had some other conference in New Hampshire. He has been doing a lot of chemistry related things at work (well, he is a chemistry professor at BYU). In his free time, he likes mountain biking and watching football, soccer, and basketball. His goal this year is to properly get me ready for the ACT (which is hard considering I'm ADD and only finished 1 section the first time I took it, and he got perfect math scores), and to get Wesley to pass his classes.

Tennis Team Pictures and some nostalgia

tennis season ended almost 2 months ago for me, and about a month and a half ago for varsity. we didn't win the state title like we did last year, but we did win SECOND! which is.....the next best thing! and our doubles team, Megan Austin and Annie Hayward did win state for doubles! I love both those girls so much. Annie is a senior, and has always been one of my best friends. she always talks to everyone and makes them feel like an important part of the team. when I'm having a bad day, I know I can always come to her and she will make me feel better. she is very encouraging to all the players. As for her partner, I sometimes forget Megan is only a freshman because she is one of the best players I have ever met! she is that one player that everyone wants to hate because she's only a freshman and she kicks everyone's butt, but she is one of the most genuine, sweet girls who couldn't be mean if she tried! (I also went on a date with her brother, and I just love their whole family.) I am so glad that she and Annie were able to win state, after all the doubles teams got their partners switched around 320 times!

my season was amazing. i had worked so hard in the summer for tryouts, and I didn't end up making the official JV team, so at first, I was pretty upset. but thankfully, most of the teams were big enough for me to play a match! I won some, and I lost some, but in all of them, I played my best and I think there was only one match where I was really ashamed of myself. coincidentally, the next match I played, I won 8-0!

there were more girls on the team this year than there ever had been before. we got a lot of new, really good freshmen, so that's why my spot wasn't as high as it was before. part of me wanted to hate them because they took my spot, but really, they all deserved it. they have been playing longer than me, and they play better than I do. I'm good, but they're just better. and there's nothing wrong with that, because they win their matches and make our team better as a whole. but I could not hate them, because they are all just so nice and so fun to be around and I became such good friends with all of them. I love how we all get along so well with each other on and off the court. well, unless we are playing each other. I am naturally very competitive, and I don't care if I'm playing my best friend. when I'm in a match, they are no longer my friend. they are my opponent and I will do everything I can to beat them- or try to. I have no mercy. but as soon as the match ends, we shake hands and are friends again and congratulate each other on how well we did!  actually, my friend Kali (our 1st singles player) was telling her cousin that I am very competitive, and her cousin said, "but you seem like the nicest girl!" and Kali said, "as soon as she is in a match, she becomes this aggressive, crazy person who screams and hits hard and has even smashed a racket. but she's so nice off the court. it's crazy." yep, that's me.

in October, we had a team banquet at the school. it was nice because it wasn't at Pizza Factory with their slooooooow service. (they never even brought me my pizza last year.) every family brought food. Mama Castle is famous for her cookies, so of course, that was what I was assigned to bring. my peanut butter chocolate chip cookies, as I have mentioned before, are really popular with the tennis team and cute boys. turns out, they are also very popular with the moms on the tennis team as well! I had to leave early because I had a piano lesson, but while I was there, the seniors presented the players with awards. my award was "The Cookie Master" for obvious reasons. (also, Racket Smasher was already taken.)

finally, last week, Coach sent us our pictures.

 the team. back row: Lauren, Megan, Grace L, Emmaline, Brianna, Rachel, Libby, Kali, Lindsey, Catherine, Mannon, Jen, Annie H, and Kea.

front row: Maude, Sophie, Annie L, Madi, me, Hailey, Kathryn, Mary, Liesel, Sage, Emma, and Grace S.

 full JV team with officials and alternates: Lauren, Sophie, Maude, Grace Larsen, Emmaline, me (I shouldn't even have to say which one I am, because I'm always the shortest one), Annie Lee, Madi, Hailey, Brianna, Emma, Libby, Mary, Kathryn, Grace Shields, Lindsey, Sage, and Kea

 me and Emmaline. last year, she didn't start out as my favorite because Coach kept making us play each other at tryouts, and I just wanted to beat her more than anything else. well, first time I played her, somehow, I did beat her! I was very proud of myself. but the next time I played her, I didn't do as well, and the next time, she beat me 6-1 and 6-0. I was so mad because, I mean, I beat her once, why did I play so bad the next time? but after I got over myself, we became really good friends, and we kept that friendship going after last season ended. this season, she was probably one of my best friends and because we were both singles players, we spend a lot of time at practice together, waited for matches together, and we would give each other pep talks. I loved that. when either of us had a bad match, we would always go to each other, and when we would have a good match, we would congratulate each other. she watched both my matches at region, and was cheering for me, and I just loved that support. so, Coach wanted to document our little friendship at practice.

rejection, dejection, & reflection

I know the title isn't cheerful. but this post is full of my true, honest feelings about what happened to me. I know, it would be nice if it was that "bad things happen to good people, and somethings things don't go the way we want them to, but everything happens for a reason and we should be happy" crap, but that is not what you are ever going to get from me. I'm not overly pessimistic, but I'm surely not overly optimistic. I'm a more realistic optimist. but as realistic as I am, accepting defeat is one of the hardest things for me. and I'm pretty sure that everyone has experienced the feeling of rejection. it has never been, or ever will be an easy thing.

sometime my sophomore year, I was really looking forward to my junior year. I could go to dances, I would have a lot of friends, I would be in acappella choir with all my senior friends, and I would have a good spot on the tennis team. pretty much, life would be perfect.

in the springtime (march or april?) i had acappella tryouts. I did really well, and the teacher was impressed. i thought everything was in my favor: I have perfect pitch (non-musically talented people: this means that I know where all the notes are. if you ask me to sing a D, I can sing a D. not a C-sharp or an E-flat. a D. it can be a blessing and a curse at times), my mom did acappella when she attended Timpview, I have a good voice, I could also accompany, I'm an alto, my best friend did acappella and he had no previous choir experience... but the only thing that set me back is that I had never taken a choir class at Timpview. part of it was that I couldn't fit it into my schedule, part of it being that I was too cocky and thought that my talent alone could get me in.
About 2 weeks after I tried out, I checked the list. I looked at second Alto, which is what I tried out for. my name wasn't on the list. so, I thought, maybe, they made me a first alto. so I checked that list. my name was not on there, or on any of the soprano lists, or even the boys parts. off to the side, in extremely small print, my name was on "Selected Concert Chorus".
I couldn't believe what I had read. Concert Chorus is the class that most girls take as sophomores to prepare them for acappella. no juniors ever take it, because they all get into acappella. so, I was extremely pissed, knowing I was an "acappella reject". I wanted to make it in more than anyone could possibly imagine. Like I mentioned earlier, I have perfect pitch, and I am good at singing acappella. My best friends were all taking it as seniors, and I wanted to have one last class with them, they sing the best songs, they go on tour to Disneyland... so the fact that I didn't make it was a big time low.

eventually, I decided I needed to get over myself and switch my focus to tennis tryouts. I got a new private coach, I could train all summer, I had improved 10 times better than last year, so to me, my chances of making a higher spot were pretty good.
until I had to help out at Freshman Orientation, around the same time I received the news that I was an acappella reject.
I was supposed to convince all these new 8th graders to take Japanese their freshman year (I am a really good liar. I would not recommend Japanese to anyone, unless they have some strange desire to learn how to read 3 different Asian alphabets and learn about 10000 different particles and which one goes where), and also recruit some tennis players. well, a ton of girls signed up for tennis. and my coach later told me that they were really good and were the kind of people who had been training since age 8 with private coaches. also, because our team won State, some girls transferred from other places, just to play tennis for Timpview. so, she said that this year, she would start to make cuts. before, anyone who tried out, got on. it didn't guarantee that they would play every match, but they were on the team. I was a bit worried, but I decided that if I worked hard enough, I could get a good spot on the team.

well, I did work really hard, and it was all in my favor this summer. I only lost one match in the City League, I got a new private coach who has done wonders to my technique, and I was training every day. I wasn't too worried about the other girls, but the thought that I had a lot more competition did make me a bit nervous.
on the first day of tryouts, when I saw exactly how many girls there were, I panicked inside my head.
8 new freshmen
2 girls who transferred from other schools
our 3 varsity singles players had already been set, as they were all seniors.
3 returning doubles players
2 seniors who were on JV last year
7 returning JV players
and me.
that makes 25 girls.
so, for the next 3 days, I was playing singles matches against some new freshmen and returning JV players. I won most of them, actually. how tryouts are supposed to work, is that varsity players play every varsity player, JV players play every JV player. but I didn't get to play every JV player, like I was supposed to.
on Day 3, she told me that everyone wanted to play singles this year, and she knows how much I hate playing doubles, but because there were a lot of singles players, I might have to play doubles. if you have ever read my posts about last years tennis season, you would know how much I hate playing doubles. doubles players love to play doubles because they don't have to do as much running, they have a partner, they can poach at the net, they can share the victory.... now, this might sound very self-centered, but I love being a singles player for the opposite reason. I don't want to share the victory with a partner. I feel more like a sidekick than a champion when I play doubles. also, sharing the victory also means sharing the loss. when you lose a doubles match, it isn't entirely your fault. your partner contributes to that as well. and it's hard for me to accept defeat, especially when it isn't entirely your fault. and I love singles because I can run around more, I can take more shots, I have longer rallies, and it's easier to accept a loss in singles.
anyways, enough about how much I hate doubles. I decided that I'd rather play doubles than not play at all, so I played a few really bad doubles matches.
finally, Coach called Team Meeting. I still hadn't played everyone in a singles match. I probably only played half the girls. but I guess she had already made her decisions.
when Coach read her list, she read Varsity first. we all knew who Varsity was, because most of them were returning players. then, she read JV. I kept waiting for her to say my name. finally, she said, "and that's it. you guys can leave. everyone whose name I didn't call, come talk to me."
at that moment, I knew I didn't make it. she didn't even need to talk to us. but I stayed to listen to whatever she had to say.
she said, "well, I don't want to cut anyone, so instead of cutting you guys, you will be our alternate team! our Non-Competition JV team! there were just too many players this year, and all the JV spots were filled! so, you guys will come to every other practice, on odd days, and you probably won't get to play in matches, but you should still come and support the rest of the girls! you don't go to morning conditioning, but you should still go to the evening practices. and maybe next year, you will get a better spot!"
NEVER HAVE I BEEN SO PISSED OFF IN MY LIFE.
I was still shocked. but it was real life. so I asked Coach if I could leave, and she said, "yes. please do."
so I just stomped off to my car, and to make things worse, a bird had pooped all over my windshield. I probably yelled, "Freshmen, I am not giving rides today! Go find your own!" and drove my (dad's) car home, and I just cried and cried and cried. why me? I had trained really hard the entire summer, I got a new coach, I was a better player this year than I was last year. so why did I get a higher spot on JV last year, and not even make JV this year? and I didn't even get to play everyone. that's what made me the angriest. what was the point of going to tennis practice if I wouldn't even get to play matches? and I'm not even a bad tennis player.
it's just that everyone else was better than I was.
and that hurt.
and I worked hard.
and no one seemed to recognize that except for my mom.
I thought being an acappella reject was bad enough. but a JV reject was worse.
and there are few things I hate more than the feeling of rejection.
so, I eventually decided to tell one of my best friends who was on the boys team, and he told me that I should still go to every practice and play my best and stick it to the coach. I wasn't too excited about this idea, but I can't give up on tennis, after all this hard work. I love the sport so much, I don't know what I would do without it. I couldn't give up my passion just because I didn't make the team I wanted!
at first, it was really hard to go to practice, knowing that I wouldn't be playing in matches. and believe me, it still hurts. but I just kept playing, hoping that Coach would recognize my talent and hard work.
turns out, some teams have more players than others. and with larger teams, us NCJV (Non-Competition Junior Varsity) girls could play, depending on how many extra spots there are. so, for our first match, my coach said there was one extra JV singles player. and guess who gets to play?!
ME.
even better: the next team we will play has an even larger team, and guess who gets to play JV singles twice in one week?
ALSO ME.
so instead of thinking of myself as a JV reject, I am still a JV singles player. I just don't get to play in every match. when there is someone for me to play, then I compete. when there isn't, I still support. I still don't like how the NCJV girls only practice every other day, and don't get to take tennis 7th period. but I use those days when I don't have team practice to train with my mom, which is actually really beneficial. because it's just her and me, she is able to drill me on things that I need to work on, not the whole team. it really does help me become a better tennis player. so, as bad as not making normal JV is, I'm still playing tennis, and I love tennis, and I'm getting better, and next year, hopefully, it will go better.

my brothers are yelling at me to make dinner, so I better wrap this post up. I am still sad about not making acappella and being with my senior friends, but I can still see them at concerts, and who knows, maybe I will be Alto Section Leader of Concert Chorus! and as for tennis, I just love tennis so much and could never quit, and as much as I hate not being an official JV player, I still get to play JV sometimes, which is probably the best thing, considering that some girls might not even play at all. so, pretty much, rejection is really hard to deal with, but eventually, we realize that there still are some good things about our situation, even if they might not be better. and failure is also an opportunity for improvement. and improvement is good.

have a good day. and if you ever experience the horrible feelings of rejection, come talk to me. I know how you feel. it's hard.
but (sorry this is cheesy), it does get better.
eventually.
trust me.

I really better make dinner for my brothers. they are getting angry.

2013 for the Castle family in a nutshell

we never get family pictures taken. whenever we send out Christmas cards, we always use a photo taken of us on vacation. none of us are color coordinated, and I'm a bit OCD about that. this year, all we did was go to Moab and Bear Lake, and there isn't a single picture of all of us with our clothes on, and we needed to update our family picture on the wall anyway (which was from 2008), so we finally gave in and decided to get our pictures taken. I love how they turned out! Mom and I decided on everyone's outfit, and Wes finally had an excuse to wear his "cool, new, stylish skinny jeans".

so my mom wrote the Christmas letter this year, and since this is my blog, I am going to switch things around just a bit, because this is me typing, not my mom.

let's start with me. I got my braces off, so this picture seems ancient. I turn 16 in less than a month, and according to my mom, I am "excited to date boys and drive cars." yep. This year was all about tennis. I spent the entire summer training for the Timpview Tennis Team; I had a private coach, I played with my mom, and I joined a city league and participated in several matches and tournaments. At the end of the summer, I made JV singles and had the best time playing! I really miss it and am currently doing cross training and playing on the indoor courts as much as I can. I also continue to play piano and practice around 1 hour everyday, and I'm getting really good, if I say so myself. I was the Sophomore Homecoming Princess this year. and my mom says I'm growing up too fast. what.

Wesley is also growing up too fast, according to my mother. I kind of agree with her. He is now 13 and in 7th grade, but attends junior high at Provo High School, where there is a gifted program. He was a jungle animal in the school production of Seussical: the Musical. He loved everything about it: acting, singing, dancing, hanging out with high schoolers and going to IHOP at midnight for cast parties and ordering steak. He is learning the hard lessons I learned in 7th grade: turning in all the assignments, on time. As soon as the play ended, ski season began and he is going skiing up at Sundance every chance he gets. He's a funny kid, and he is usually great to have around, except that he eats everything in the house. Oh, and he is now taller than I am. 

Justin. my mom will straight up say that he is the favorite child. He is all about sports. He and his friends got invited to a special soccer team, and they practiced really hard over the summer and learned a lot more about soccer and playing as a team. When he wasn't scoring goals for his team, he was the goalie and wouldn't let the other team score on him. His team ended up winning the championship! Right after soccer ended, J tried out for bantam basketball, and ended up getting the same coach he had for soccer. His team practices everyday at 6:30 AM, and he loves working hard and learning about basketball. He is following in his sister's footsteps and is getting quite accomplished on the piano. And he is the cutest thing, and everyone loves him.

Mom decided to take Japanese this year at BYU, and it turned out to be very difficult so she used Dad to help her study. Now, Dad is already very busy teaching chemistry at BYU, and in addition to grading papers and doing whatever professors do, he is also booked with teaching me how to drive and helping the kiddos with homework. This year, he had to help his wife memorize Japanese. When the class ended a week ago, everyone was relieved, but I think Dad was more relieved than Mom. In Mom's free time, she runs with her friends, attempts to grow vegetable gardens, drives the boys around to their many activities, and plays tennis with me.

it's been a great year, and I hope you enjoyed reading this. Merry Christmas to all of you!