in high school, teachers stress about getting good test scores so we can get the best grade we can and so we can get into a good school. they want to work us until we pretty much die.
I have attention deficit disorder. and I am in 4 honors classes. all which come with heaps of homework. this mentally and physically exhausts me, to try to pay attention every second of the lesson. it gets to the point where it's too much work for me, my brain can't function anymore, I go into freak out mode, and I just zone out. I'm not good at getting my homework done, either. I have so much of it, but there are so many things in life that I would rather enjoy. such as developing friendships, making cookies, playing tennis, playing piano (not practicing. just sitting and playing for my own enjoyment), shopping, going on drives...... but if I don't get all my homework done, there goes my future.
one thing I hate more than anything else is how the school counselors show up in our classrooms and make us fill out these career pathway forms and take little quizzes to get us started on thinking about our careers. but I'm only a sophomore in high school. I don't turn 16 for 57 more days. I can't think about my career yet. all I'm trying to do is get through my sophomore year. because I can't handle the stress of overthinking about my future. but the counselors get frustrated when I don't answer their questions. so, I've been thinking about it occasionally. all I know is that I want to go to BYU, and get a degree in something, and get married and have kids. but I feel like I have to get everything figured out because the counselors keep bringing it up.
I'm just a teenage girl trying to survive high school. I want to get good grades. I want to do well in tennis and piano and everything else. I am learning how to drive without hitting the curb when I back out of my driveway so I can get my license in 2 months. but my parents, wanting me to be tough and work for things, won't buy me a car unless I pay for it myself. I struggle to pay my monthly phone bill, so I can't even think about a car. I know that I have a lot of friends, both girls and boys. but I always feel like I'm the second choice friend. I like to appear cheerful and happy, and I truly enjoy making others happy. but sometimes, I have bad days. sometimes, things just get hard. and I'm unhappy. I cannot leave the house without doing my hair, putting on makeup, and color coordinating my outfits. this does not mean that I am insecure or think I'm ugly. I just feel the need to get myself ready because then I look better, and if I look better, then I feel better. truthfully, I feel lazy when I wear sweats and don't put on makeup. I look like I don't care about anything. at least if I look put together, then I feel like my life is put together. so please, don't tell a girl not to waste her time putting on makeup. because it just enhances things and makes us look better, it does not mean we are insecure or are hiding who we are!
so I've already mentioned this twice, but i'm almost 16. you know what this means. in the Mormon culture, dating isn't acceptable until the age of 16. but a lot of my friends (and I'm not saying they are bad people or anything) have already kissed at least 5 guys, some more than 10. they have had a few "relationships" that have lasted for less than 3 months. but they don't call this "dating." they call this "going out". they don't go to dances until they are 16 to live up to this rule.
let's take a look at me. most of my friends have already had their first kiss before they were 16. I haven't kissed anyone yet, because I made it a goal to wait until 16. but even after that, I don't want to kiss someone just to say "I've had my first kiss." I want to wait for the right moment, at the right time. but sometimes, I feel pressured to make the wrong choice, just to fit in with my friend group. I've never been in a relationship with anyone. I am really good friends with a lot of boys, and I find some of them very attractive. and I admit to really liking a few of them (never all at once), but I just don't feel the need to get in a relationship. I have watched it happen: a boy and a girl start out as friends, then they start liking each other, then they start going out, then they become a "thing." then, things get messed up and they aren't allowed to hang out with other people, drama arises, and one of them decides that they just don't want to go out anymore, they break up, and then neither of them talk to each other. they aren't even friends. it makes me sad. I just couldn't stand the idea of becoming really close with a boy, then going out with him, breaking up, and never talking again. I'm too scared of that happening. and it's a lot of commitment. I'm in high school. I want to enjoy life and not have to commit myself to one person all the time. I'm just not ready for that. I enjoy being friends with lots of boys, and having a few really close ones. it's a lot less drama that way, and I don't like drama.
now, don't get me wrong. I do want to go on dates. I want to eat food and go to movies and do fun things and have good times. but I just don't want a boyfriend. at least not yet. maybe I'll change my mind when I'm older. but it's just sad, watching lots of young girls get heartbroken over a boy. it may seem as if your life is in decline, and you will never see sunshine again. but really, that's a lot of commitment to make and it's just not worth it while you are supposed to be enjoying your life in high school.
and not getting too stressed about grades either. or the future.
it's a lot easier not worrying about things. not looking at the big picture. getting by, one assignment at a time instead of thinking about the huge final you have to take at the end of the year.
life is meant to be enjoyed. it's good to push yourself, but not to the point of stressing yourself out so much it ends up controlling your life and you go insane. do your best, and never stress.
try not to get too attached to one person. because that just messes everything up in the long run.
focus more on friendships with many people. you can have a few closer friends, and a best friend. that's good too. but it's good to get to know people.
be confident with yourself, and help others feel good about themselves too.
try not to please everyone, because it's impossible.
make someone's day, every day.
failure is an opportunity for improvement. it can be heartbreaking, but it's all just a big learning experience.
good music and tennis can fix everything.
good times.
