new year, new me, new hair, new major, new blog

I've had this blog since.... 2011. yep, 2011.

I made my first post when I was in 8th grade. I looked like this. (I made brownies with my friend that day and we ended up having a special photoshoot in our aprons)

I don't know why my parents decided to let an almost-14 year old get a blog. or maybe, I didn't tell them and they just went with it. mainly, I wanted a place where I could post about what my family was doing while we lived in Tokyo. plus, my grandparents refused to get a Facebook but were very into reading blogs, so I figured that if I became the "family blogger", I could talk about Japan and about what I wanted to talk about, which was mostly One Direction, stuff I found on Pinterest, or why I was a loser because I only owned 4 pairs of TOMS shoes and my friends owned EIGHT.

I'm not sure who read my blog besides my relatives, but I liked having a place to write AND post pictures (because, in a journal, you can't do that), and my grandparents in Arizona (again, they don't believe in social media) wanted to hear about what I was doing in school, how tennis was going, the date dances I went on, and the vacations I took, so I kept at it. I'm glad I did. because I don't live at home right now, I don't have access to a lot of old pictures, so if I ever want to remind myself what my fashion sense was like when I was 14 years old, or if I'm feeling nostalgic about when my family went to the UK in 2014, I can go to my blog and read about all the fun times I had, see how much I have grown up, and try not to laugh at myself too much. so, even though blogging is normally associated with Mormon Moms, fashion, art, recipes, fitness, or missionary letters, I didn't care that I didn't exactly fit in. It was nice, and as I got older, it became therapeutic.

But the thing is, I've changed a lot since 2011. it's obvious. I was 13, almost 14. I'm 20 now. I've been blogging on this blog for 7 years. and that's a pretty long time. and I guess there comes a point where I just need to move on. but I don't want to completely start over, either. I like to look at my old posts and try not to cringe too much at my former self. but it just feels...juvenile, for me, a 20 year old college student, to post about complex issues like mental health on the same website where I posted about how Liam Payne said that he was afraid of using spoons in restaurants (I had way too much time on my hands. It's embarrassing how much One Direction trivia I knew back in the day). and I've been wanting to make changes for a while, but I haven't had a lot of time.

well, last night I figured out how easy it was to export blog posts over to Wordpress, so I did it. I didn't export all of them, of course. I exported all my posts from spring of 2016 onward, around the time I was transitioning from graduating high school to preparing for college. like I said, I didn't want to completely start over, nor did I want to just go through all my old posts and delete them. so, I compromised. 

so, from this point on, I will be posting everything at

http://miriamcastle.WORDPRESS.com (it's not case sensitive)

it has everything from 2016-present, so all my recent posts are over there, too.

goodbye, miriamcastle.BLOGSPOT.com . it was a good 7 years. 

(PS. DO NOT FORGET TO FOLLOW http://miriamcastle.wordpress.com !!!!!

mid-college crisis

I have a white friend now and I've learned that abruptly going from brunette to blonde (or vice versa!) is a white woman stress signal, kinda like when squid quickly change their colors, it's a sign of distress!

— Jasmine Sha-Ree Sanders (@JasMoneyRecords) December 2, 2017

I'm a natural brunette. occasionally, I would have these natural blonde highlights show up in the summer, and sometimes people asked me if I got my hair lightened, but I did not want any more color than that. when I was 15, I made a commitment to grow out my hair, and I ended up loving not having to style my thick hair every day like I did when it was shorter. being a brown-eyed brunette with long, thick, naturally straight hair was part of my identity, and I was insistent on never changing that. around the time I graduated high school, a lot of my friends were either cutting or changing their hair color because it was "time for a change". I guess moving out of the house and starting college meant taking on a new identity. but I was in no way ready to give that up. if someone had changed their hair, I knew that it was code for "I needed a change" or "I'm going through a crisis". I made it a goal that no matter what crisis I went through, I would not touch my hair unless I needed to trim off some split ends.

fast forward to September of 2017. I was in my second year of college, and it was my first semester as a teaching major. I had a 4-hour class every day from 8-noon (most of the time, we would be observing classrooms in public schools all over Utah County, so thankfully, I was on my feet for most of the time). because I spent a lot of time off campus, my parents decided that it was not practical for me to share a car with my 16 year old brother anymore (I mean, it wasn't practical in the first place because I didn't live at home my freshman year either, but I spent a lot more time on campus and there was no parking in my dorm), so I now drove my own black Kia that I named Axl. I had a private room in a new apartment south of campus, and I did not know any of my roommates or anyone in my complex. a lot of my friends from my first year of college left on missions, and some of my older friends were coming home from their missions. a few of them ended up getting engaged reallllly fast after coming home. all of those were big changes for me. some were good changes, while others gave me major anxiety. I was closer to 20 than 19, and I was growing up. freak, I had students who were calling me "Miss Castle" and were treating me like I was a real teacher.

so, one day, while I was observing a 9th grade geography class at a junior high, I decided that this was the time. not only did I want a change, but I needed a change.

so, I texted one of my best friends from high school who was in hair school, and told her that I wanted more blonde in my hair, but I didn't know what I wanted. we discussed different options, and 2 days later, I got a subtle melt. it wasn't a major change, but my roots were definitely brunette and my ends were definitely blonde.

as cheesy as it sounds, changing my hair marked a lot of transitions in my life. a new major, a new apartment, a new ward, new friends, new classes, and new opportunities. I ended up teaching a review game to 3 different 11th grade US History classes. I taught a lesson about the Standard Oil Company to students in an alternative high school. once my teaching observation class was done (it was only half of the semester), I spent my mornings volunteering at a special needs preschool for part of a psychology assignment. I only needed 11 hours, but I loved it so much that I ended up doing a total between 30 and 40 hours. I developed relationships with these children that have taught me love, patience, and compassion in ways that I had never felt. not only am I learning to become a better teacher, I am learning to become a better person. and overall, I have become more confident.

change has always been hard for me. and I mean really hard. but I have learned that it is really important to get outside your comfort zone every now and then. and sometimes, in order to cope with everything, you need to do something fun, like changing your hair.

oh, and last week, when I went in to get my split ends trimmed, I got my color redone. this time I went a wee bit blonder, because a little change can, you know, be pretty fun.

(that strawberry was really delicious and juicy, in case you wanted to know)