from a girl who isn't serving a mission

I have wanted to write about this for a long time. I even wrote an op-ed about this for my writing class, but instead of sharing it in a formal essay form, I want to share this in something more relatable, something more....straight from Merm's honest heart. so, before I get to the point, here's what I have to say first: 1. this is very personal to me, and your experience may be completely different from mine. I respect that, and I support that. 2. not everyone in Provo or in the LDS church is like this, so PLEASE don't judge a whole religion or community based off what some people have said to me. there have been many people who have been very supportive of me, and I would like to thank them. and 3. please, PLEASE be kind to everyone, regardless of whether they choose to serve a mission or not.

I've spent about 13 or 14 years of my life in Provo, Utah. lots of mountains, lots of snow, lots of road construction, and definitely lots of Mormons. to some outsiders, we aren't considered "real" Mormons because we have release time seminary, "everyone" is modest (except I got dress coded at a BYU party for the length of my shorts), there aren't any "real" temptations, and no one is going to question you for serving a 1.5 or 2 year mission.

but, they will question you if you don't. 

many of you are probably already asking "but why don't you want to serve a mission?" believe me. I've been asked that question just as much as I've been asked "are you planning on serving a mission?" before I answer this question, think about it. if it was the other way around, and I was planning on serving a mission, would you ask me "why are you going on a mission?" no. you probably wouldn't. you would probably just congratulate me and ask more mission related questions. so I think this is an extremely stupid question, but here is my answer.

as people sometimes forget, girls can choose whether or not they go on missions. if you don't believe me, President Thomas S. Monson said it himself when he announced the missionary age change. I don't feel like I need to serve a mission. I don't have the strong desire to serve a mission. News flash: not everyone has the desire to serve a mission. and that is perfectly fine. for me, I still don't exactly understand why I don't have the same desire as many of my friends do, but I do know that I've always wanted to get a college degree. yes, it is possible to get a degree and serve a mission, but for me, once I start something, I have to finish it. I have ADHD and anxiety, which both act up x10 when I have to adjust to a new change. I wouldn't be as motivated to go back to school because I would have to adjust to the routine again, which is NOT EASY FOR ME. yes, I know people with ADHD and anxiety who have served missions, but they would all agree that it is extremely challenging.

but even though I knew what I wanted to do, I would have friends and church leaders encourage me to pray about it more and tell me, "but you have such a strong testimony, and people need to hear it!" or "you are so good at talking to people!" or, my personal favorite, "I'm going on a mission, and all of our other friends are going, so why would you want to leave yourself out?" and then, I started to question myself. I started to think more about serving a mission, which of course, gave me anxiety, and whenever I thought about not serving, I felt better. but I didn't understand. I wanted to be accepted, but I just couldn't be honest. whenever people would ask me the question, I would say "I'm thinking about it" or "...yeah!" but it didn't feel good. finally, I asked myself why I was considering a mission, and these were the reasons:
everyone else is going. I'm feeling pressured by all my friends. serving a mission is a good thing. If I don't go, I'll feel left out. everyone else is going. it's the thing to do in Provo.

and THOSE ARE NOT GOOD REASONS. if anyone is considering serving a mission and these are the only reasons they can come up with, then pray about it, and if those are still the only reasons you have, THEN DON'T GO! serve a mission because you want to. serve a mission because you prayed about it, and you got a confirmation that it is the right thing to do. serve a mission because you want to help people learn about the gospel, despite all the challenges you will face. serve a mission because you will accept ANY place you get called to, no matter how hard the language is, how poor the country is, how weird the culture is, how gross the food is, or how "exotic" it is. serve a mission if that is what the Lord wants you to do, not what your friends, parents, or church leaders want you to do!

that being said, I have a HUGE respect for people who serve missions. both of my parents served, my dad in Okinawa Japan (now part of the Fukuoka mission, and Japanese speaking, obviously) and my mom in Houston, Texas, Spanish speaking. many of my friends either have served, are currently serving, or are preparing to serve, and what they have to go through is NOT easy. one of my best friends is serving in Ukraine, where people complain and drink vodka all the time and have a hard time understanding that there is a God who loves them. in Japan and other Asian countries, people would rather keep on worshipping their ancestors or forms of nature. and even English-speaking missions here in the United States, people just don't want to listen to you. you can't choose your companions, and I've heard many horror stories about bad companions. and to top off all that, it is a completely different environment than every day life. so anyone who is willing to do that and can last even just a few weeks is an absolute SAINT. it takes a lot of courage, strength, and perseverance, and I admire that. I don't have to serve a mission to be able to appreciate all that the missionaries do.

but deciding NOT to serve a mission also takes a lot of courage. I have been questioned, criticized, judged, and treated differently than I would have been if I had just done what everyone else did and said I was going on a mission. I have had people question my testimony, faith, and gospel standards. I have had people try and convince me to change my mind because "I didn't know if I wanted to go, but I did, and I loved it, so you will too!" none of this has been easy for me, and it wasn't until halfway through my senior year that I could feel confident when I said, "no, I'm not planning on a mission." I have had to learn patience and that most of these people have good intentions, they just don't understand that what the Lord wants me to do is different from what the Lord wants them to do.

to girls (and boys) who have served/are going on missions: my testimony isn't any weaker than yours, nor is yours any stronger than mine. the Lord has a unique plan for all of us: some people want to serve but don't end up going, some people don't want to serve but do end up going, and some people know what they want, and they do it. I love the gospel so much, but I can share it with others just by being an example to them and helping them make good choices. my mission is not to serve one. and that's okay. if the Lord wanted every girl to serve a mission, then the prophet would've said something. but he didn't. congrats for going on a mission, and I support you 100% for doing that. and I hope you will be able to support me for serving in a different way.

to girls (and boys) who are NOT serving missions: BE CONFIDENT. I know that there are many others in the same boat as me, but I don't know who you are. because either everyone is going on a mission, or they are too scared to say that they aren't. DON'T BE. because there are many other people who feel the same way, and they don't want to feel alone. you aren't any better or worse than those who have or are serving missions. so please, PLEASE be confident in your decision. it took me a while to get there, but it has made me feel a lot better about my decision not to serve.

and the bottom line? the Lord loves all of you. I know this because He has a different plan for each and every individual, instead of treating us all the same. He knows us and loves us, regardless of whether we serve a mission or not. and He would want us to love and support everyone as well.

the church is true. have a great day!

thank you, Freddie.

everyone who has a hobby or a passion also has someone they look up to that inspires them to keep doing this hobby or passion. it could be someone that they know personally, or it could be an athlete, a scientist, a politician, or some other celebrity. in some cases, these are good people with morals and values. in other cases, these are bad people with no morals and values and just happen to be really talented at what they do. (unless it's the Kardashians. sorry, but being good looking, rich and famous, and having a reality TV show is not a real talent. nor is it funny.) in the case of Hansel from Zoolander, it's Sting.

 

growing up, I was exposed to all different kinds of music. the first concert I ever went to was The Wiggles when I was 4. I would watch all these Disney sing along videos and I would sing along to the songs. when my parents would play music, I always asked what it was. most of it didn't really appeal to me, mostly because I was still really young and mostly just liked Disney music and the Shrek soundtrack.

until one day, when I was around 6 years old, I heard a song on the radio while grocery shopping with my dad that went, "(groovy base line), another one bites the dust". and in my 6 year old mind, I'm imagining some rock star eating dust, and I started to laugh. I asked my dad, "what is this song? and why is the guy eating dust?" and my dad replied, "oh, it's just Another One Bites The Dust by Queen." and then at this point I'm imagining the Queen of England (but with a male voice?) eating dust, and it was just really funny. but I decided I liked that song. whenever I went grocery shopping with my dad, I always listened for that song. then, I heard another one that went "WE WILL, WE WILL ROCK YOU" and I asked, "Dad, what is this song? I like this one. it's so cool!" and he said, "We Will Rock You by Queen." Queen. the Queen who bites the dust. at that point, only knowing 2 songs, I decided my favorite band would be Queen. and then my grandma decided to introduce me to American Idol. there was a guy named Constantine with long hair who sang this really cool song about someone killing a man, and I asked my family, "what is this song?" "Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen." and then, at that point, my parents decided to buy Queen's Greatest Hits and listen it on our long road trip to Arizona.

the first song went like this:

is this the real life? is this just fantasy?

caught in a landslide, no escape from reality.

open your eyes, look up to the skies and see,

I'm just a poor boy, I need no sympathy

Because I'm easy come, easy go

Little high, little low

Any way the wind blows, doesn't really matter to me, to me.

AND THEN

MAMA, just killed a man...

IT WAS MY SONG. IT WAS BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY. but this time it was the WHOLE THING, not just the American Idol version. and it was so cool. there was this operatic section where there were different voices coming from ALL OVER, and I couldn't keep up with it. how could just ONE GUY be singing so many different parts at the same time? so I asked my dad, "who is this guy? how many of him are there?"

"Freddie Mercury. and there's just one."

and at that moment, I decided. I wanted to be Freddie Mercury when I grow up. 

over the years, my music taste has changed. in 2nd grade, it was Carrie Underwood. in 3rd grade, it was Kelly Clarkson and Avril Lavigne. in 4th grade, it was Heart and Pat Benatar. 5th grade it was still 70s and 80s rock but it branched off into a little more mainstream pop stuff. 6th grade it was Coldplay. 7th grade it was Bruno Mars, and 8th grade (which I never like to speak of) was Adele, One Direction, Christina Perri, Justin Bieber (who I swore on all things holy that I would never like), Taylor Swift (obviously I changed), and whatever was on the Top 100 radio. in high school, I switched to mostly alternative, and that hasn't really changed. but ANY TIME a Queen song came on, I would drop everything and belt out ALL THE WORDS. in 5th grade, I sang Bohemian Rhapsody at our end of year karaoke party and EVERYONE was impressed that I knew all the words. (do people really not memorize all of Bohemian Rhapsody when they are 7 years old?) at BYU basketball games, I would proudly belt out We Are The Champions or We Will Rock You. 

my senior year, I thought I wanted to be a piano performance major, but clearly it was not working out. I didn't really like the whole "practice 4 hours everyday" thing because I could barely even practice 2 hours. but because I didn't know what else I wanted to do, my parents made me fill out the application and even submit a prescreening video to the BYU school of music. but I just didn't feel excited saying that's what I wanted to do. so then, I shuffled all my favorite songs and THEN Bohemian Rhapsody comes on. and I actually listened very closely and then I had all these questions. How many times did Freddie Mercury record his vocals? How did he write this? was this all him, or did the other members help him out? how was this performed live? what did this sound like before it got thrown together?

AND THEN IT HIT ME. 

I COULD PRODUCE MUSIC. I COULD LAYER VOCAL TRACKS, INSTRUMENTAL TRACKS, BACKING TRACKS. I COULD DO THIS. THIS WOULD BE REALLY FUN. (I mean, I do have perfect pitch, so I have a really good ear for this kind of stuff.)

Sweet angel of Freddie Mercury, THANK YOU FOR BLESSING THE WORLD WITH YOUR TALENTS.

(to prove my point, here is the ORIGINAL of Bohemian Rhapsody with just Freddie's original vocal and piano track. before he did the 180 vocal overdubs)

honestly, if it weren't for that moment, I would be a very angry girl who didn't make the piano performance program at BYU and maybe I would still be trying for it. and Freddie Mercury was actually classically trained on piano and who knows if he had continued that instead of became a rock star. but that's what I love about Freddie. he wasn't just an amazing vocalist with a 4 octave range. he was a talented pianist, composer, songwriter, performer, showman, and overall he was just a musical genius. I wish that I was alive to watch him perform, and I wish that he hadn't died so young, and I really wish he could've been able to make it to age 70. but I am grateful for all the times my mom and I belted out Under Pressure while doing the dishes, the times where I forced my brother to listen to Don't Stop Me Now basically every morning on the way to school for my entire senior year, for all the long drives with family and friends and us belting out Queen songs at the top of our lungs. and holy freak am I grateful for the appreciation I gained for rock music at a young age, one that will never leave as I work towards getting into the commercial music and production program at BYU.

thank you, Freddie. happy 70th.

to be quite honest, college is scary.

to be completely honest, I have no problem with being completely honest. one of my favorite teachers wrote in one of my yearbooks, "you are honest to a fault". when asking for opinions, many of my friends come to me because they know that even though it may not be what they want to hear, I'm giving them the straight-up truth. I have no problem with sharing my opinions, I'm pretty open about my feelings, and I don't pretend to enjoy things that I don't. for example, I was talking with one of my roommates last night about musical preferences, and she said, "I love Taylor Swift." instead of giving the hesitant "yeah....me too!", I straight up said, "that's cool. I don't." I know, it probably isn't the best way to make friends with your roommate who you only met an hour ago, but that's just the way I am. Of course, I don't like to offend people with my honesty, nor do I ever mean to, but for me, it's easier to just directly say "I don't like Taylor Swift" instead of indirectly say that she's not my favorite, because some people interpret that as, "it's not her favorite, but she never said she doesn't like it, so she doesn't care if we listen to Taylor Swift together."

why is this even relevant to anything I'm talking about? well, I'm just trying to prove a point that everything I put on here isn't anything far from the truth.

I have always been pretty self-confident. maybe a little too self-confident at times, which I have learned from. but it's just not in my nature to pretend to be unconfident, because while I don't really care for Demi Lovato's music, she said it: "what's wrong with being confident?" I may come off as cocky to some people, but when people would ask "are you ready for (tennis match/ concert/ test/ recital/ other important event)?", I wasn't going to say, "no, I'm gonna mess up so bad and I suck at everything and I'm not ready!" because if I say that, I might start to believe myself. even though it's looked at as more "humble" to act nervous, I'd rather be honest than humble.

that being said, when I say I am completely nervous and NOT READY for college to start, then that means that I am actually telling the truth instead of trying to be humble. because as much as I would like to be confident about starting school and all these changes, I am not. 

first off, I have ADHD and even though I got a good ACT score and did pretty well in my AP classes in high school, COLLEGE IS DIFFERENT. I have to change my study habits and not wing things and hope for the best and not get distracted and actually learn how to focus because I am determined not to fail my first semester. so even though I was clutch in high school, I have to learn how to be clutch in college. and if I want to graduate in 4 years, then I HAVE TO BE CLUTCH. but I'm pretty sure that almost every college student is a bit scared for this part, so good to know I'm not alone. now for the less obvious, more personal concerns I have.

I'm the oldest of 3 children. I'm the only girl, and I have 2 younger brothers. (if you didn't get it already, I have NO SISTERS.) I've never had to share a room with a sibling in my life, not even when I lived in our one-bedroom apartment in Tokyo. I slept alone in the living room. while I am very outgoing and love being around people, I'm usually the person who drives my own car to meet up with my friends instead of get a ride with them because we've been hanging out all day for 5 hours already. at the end of the day, I like to have some time by myself to relax. I like having some space. the only "sleepovers" I ever did were for school overnight trips. I never had any sisters who were overly sensitive or dramatic, and my brothers and I have been messing with each other since I can remember. and yes, while many of my good friends are female, some of my closest friends are guys. so you place a girl with only brothers who has never shared a room in her life in a 3-bedroom apartment on campus with 5 OTHER GIRLS WHOM I HAVE NEVER MET, ALL of whom have sisters, and one of those girls is in MY BEDROOM, you get a girl who is a bucket of stress. a girl who has never had to deal with that much estrogen, except for the girls tennis team. and we were PLAYING TENNIS, not living together! you get a girl who breaks down and calls her mom every day, even though my house is literally 5 minutes away from my apartment. you get a girl who is worried about offending people with her opinions, her loud music (that is different than what my roommates prefer), or her personality. the 5 days that I've lived on campus have been some of the hardest, scariest days of my life. I locked myself out of my apartment 3 times on my first day, and while I survived, I'm absolutely terrified of leaving my keys anywhere. it's a whole new experience.

I've never really been one to conform for the sake of conformity. I've always listened to my own music, not what is on the Top 40 radio. my favorite movie is Anchorman, and I'm guessing that less than 20% of BYU students have even seen that movie. I've never seen a church movie, I didn't vote for David Archuleta on American Idol (I voted for David Cook and therefore contributed to Archuleta's loss. and how hypocritical of me, a Mormon living in Utah to not support another Mormon living in Utah!), I do my homework on Sundays, I have never fasted for 24 hours, I never went to EFY, I don't play Pokemon Go, I don't use the puppy filter on snapchat, and I don't own a maxi skirt. I've always dressed in my own style, which for me includes shorter shorts and shorter dresses. not so short that a church leader would call me out for it, but too short to wear to BYU, which the requirement is knee-length. I run around in a tennis skirt and a tank top most of the time because I don't feel like changing after playing. and you guessed it- tank tops are only allowed in designated areas of BYU campus, and they are definitely not the "preferred" choice of exercise clothing. so following the BYU dress code is definitely going to require some conformity. I actually went to Called to Surf for the first time in my life and I bought 3 long dresses there, and I wore one to a farewell, and for the first time in my life, I saw a friend wearing my same dress. then at work, I saw at least 10 EFY girls and BYU students wearing my same dress. and I feel like I'm losing my personal identity, because in a way, I'm being forced to dress like everyone else. and I don't like that. I tried venting about this to someone, but all they said was, "you signed the Honor Code, so you can't complain." and I know I signed the Honor Code, but NOT EVERYONE WHO GOES TO BYU AUTOMATICALLY IS GOING TO BE EXCITED ABOUT WEARING LONGER DRESSES AND PANTS IN 90 DEGREE WEATHER. it's going to be a really hard adjustment for me, and I'm not going to pretend to be excited about it. I'm just going to have to suck it up. and does that make me any less nervous? NO.

as earlier stated, the Mormon culture is really strong over here. I love the gospel of the LDS church, I have a testimony, and I really do try to live it as best as I can. but I've never had the desire to serve a mission, and I don't feel like that's what Heavenly Father desires for me either. which of course should be fine because girls are not required to go on missions. but there is still a lot of pressure, especially in Provo and especially at BYU, to go on a mission. I'm worried that people won't accept me because I'm not going on a mission like they are/did. I've already gotten negative reactions from people when they find out that I'm not going. I am confident in my decision, and I have many people who are supportive, but it's not very fun to get criticized for a very personal decision that I have made. and this is coming from a girl who doesn't even care what people think of her 90% of the time! I know that there are many other girls at BYU who are in my same boat, but as of right now, they are a lot harder to find than the girls who are excited about serving a mission.

with all that being said, I didn't choose to go to BYU for the dress code (which is only a part of the Honor Code). I didn't choose to go to BYU because at least half the student population is serving a mission. I didn't choose to go to BYU to be around people who don't dress like skanky hoes (remember how I said I am a very blunt person?). I chose to go to BYU because...I've always wanted to go. both of my parents went there, and my dad loved it so much he came back to work as a chemistry professor! (I also came because I get half tuition because of my dad and it's a lot cheaper than anywhere else.) I chose to go to BYU because it has many amazing programs that have great reputations. I chose to go to BYU because I had to work hard to get the grades and the ACT score to get in, and I earned it. I chose to go to BYU because I have always loved going to football and basketball games with my family. I chose to go to BYU because of the high standards (no alcohol, no drugs, no football games on Sundays). I chose to go to BYU because people from all over the world come here to get an education, and I will make many friends from different places. so even though there are many things that I am absolutely terrified for when I start my classes on Monday, I am confident that I made the right decision on where to go to college.

Castles take DC part 3 (FINALLY)

17-38, ayyyyyyyyy, I'm like hey what's up hellooooo.... so we are finally at part 3 of our DC trip. this was probably the least eventful part of our trip, or the part that I don't want to remember. even in the dry desert of Utah, I still get annoying seasonal allergies. we can't buy real live Christmas trees anymore because I have developed a reaction to them over the years. my mom always plants these beautiful smelling lilies which we can no longer keep in the living room because my eyes start watering (and then drying out) as soon as I enter the room. and remember, this is just the desert. in the DC area, it is really humid. and EVERYTHING IS GREEN. so finally, on Friday, I wake up and I'm completely congested, I can't see because my eyes were watery (and then of course, they dried out), and I'm miserable. well, we had to leave early to get to the Reagan National airport and rent a car to drive all over Virginia, and the only thing we could get at the CVS pharmacy was this really high-strength generic equivalent to Benadryl. so I was really tired and sleepy and loopy all day. add some caffeine to the mix and......yeah. it was just weird.

our first destination was Mt. Vernon, home of none other than the Father of our Country, George Washington. if there is anything you need to know about the DC area, George Washington is seen as the precedent for everything. he is regarded with so much respect and if you have anything to say against him, then you need to leave. never mind the fact that he had a few slaves and our family got to go inside the slave cabin. HE WAS THE GOAT. (Greatest Of All Time.) it was a bit chilly that day and I was feeling like crap, so I just had to endure that part. but it was really cool to see the decorating style of the house. all the walls were painted in ridiculously bright colors. (we didn't take any pictures inside.) there was also lots of farm land. he had a 16 sided barn (which I don't remember the purpose of because I wasn't completely conscious), and there are still cows and horses and sheep. I don't know why they are there because this is literally a restored tourist attraction, but I guess it was to make it more authentic?

after Mt. Vernon, we were only supposed to drive 2.5 hours to Monticello, Virginia, where Thomas Jefferson lived. our plan was to go to a grocery store, buy some deli sandwiches, and eat them at some park halfway there because we were tired of eating out. but that plan didn't work. so to anyone who doesn't know already, Utah basically has 2 seasons: winter and road construction. pretty much all the major roads in Provo are closed off all summer, making it inconvenient to get anywhere. and the stretch of I-15 from the point of the mountain to Salt Lake is literal hell. but the next time I have to drive to Salt Lake during construction season, I won't be complaining. because the ENTIRE FREEWAY was under construction, and we were barely moving. it took 30 minutes just to go 10 miles. now THIS WAS LITERAL HELL. it took about 2 hours just to get halfway there, and my brothers and I are crammed in the back of this small rental car, and Wesley (who has the longest legs) is in the middle. since finding a random park to stop at was completely out of the picture at this point, Wesley decided to be really annoying and eat his salad in the car and jab me with his elbow every 5 seconds. so I was ready to die. but THANKFULLY the Benadryl did its magic and I was out cold from that point on.

of course, we were late to our tour at Monticello. but the ticket people were really understanding and let us catch up with our tour in the middle of it. our tour guide was really funny and entertaining. this house was a bit more spacious than Mt. Vernon, and it had a weird layout. a lot of the rooms were shaped like octagons. again I don't really remember much of this part because I was in survival mode and my mom decided she wanted to make us all miserable and tour the entire garden, the wine press, the outdoor bathrooms, and the museum at the end. I feel bad for anyone who was trying to visit Thomas Jefferson because his house was so freaking far away from everything, and it was at the top of a hill. but I did learn some interesting facts about Thomas Jefferson. on his gravestone, he did not want it to say "3rd President of the United States". instead, it said "Here was buried Thomas Jefferson, Author of the Declaration of American Independence, Of the Statute of Virginia for religious freedom, & Father of the University of Virginia." those were the 3 things he wanted to be remembered for the most. also, Monticello is pronounced like Monty-Cello, not "Monty-sello", which is the way that the small podunk town in Utah is pronounced.

OH and how can I forget the moment when I was washing my hands in the bathroom at Monticello and in walks Wesley, completely unaware that he's in the wrong bathroom. then at the same time, I scream "GET OUT!" and he screams "THERE AREN'T ANY URINALS!" and leaves. but the reason this is so funny is because Justin walked into the women's restroom TWICE in Hawaii, realized there were no urinals, and ran out screaming.

we took one picture.

afterward I was feeling a little bit better and we ate at Five Guys in Charlottesville and drove 2 more hours to Williamsburg and stayed at a hotel there. Wesley was the only one who brought a swimsuit and decided to hit the pool at 9:30 pm.

the first thing I saw when I left the hotel room was a shirtless dude, smoking, blasting country music. I guess that's a normal thing in Virginia. that day we went to Colonial Williamsburg, the original capital of Virginia. we got to tour all these restored buildings, the Governor's Mansion, the printing press, the magazine (where all the weapons are kept), the jail, and the original capitol building. my mom asked the tour guide how the colonists were able to hang the chandelier in the center of the room if they were so short, and she literally said, "I only answer important questions." so the world will never know how the chandelier was lit every day in the capitol building, because it wasn't important. we also went to the art museum and found a display of all these old pianos. back then, there weren't nearly as many keys and there weren't pedals, so that explains why Baroque music doesn't use very much of the keyboard. I'm grateful that pianos were able to develop much more in the next century because most of the music I like to play is....all over the keyboard. but it was really cool to see all the ancient pianos. my mom forced us all to look at the old dishes, and after we finally dragged her out of the place, we headed back toward Baltimore.

 the Governor's Mansion had a lot of guns. believe me. a lot of guns.

so no one needs to hear the run down of our drive back to Baltimore, but we got to our hotel at about 9:30 pm. when we got to our room, there was literally 1 King sized bed and a chair. we all just looked at each other and said "there is NO WAY we are all fitting in here" and went back down to the lobby and explained how there were 3 adults and 2 kiddos and that we couldn't fit in that room, and then the guy at the front desk explained that the online system wasn't working properly, but that he couldn't get a suite for us because they were all full, but we could get a different room with a king sized bed AND a folding couch bed, so it would still be really snug but it would have to do. we resorted to sticking the 3 adults on the king sized bed, Wesley on the folding couch bed, and Justin on the cushions on the ground. this was less than ideal because I'm the one who always gets my own bed, but we were coming home the next day, so we all just had to suck it up and go to sleep, because we had to be at the airport at 5 am.

OK SO THE NEXT PART OF THE STORY SUCKS but it is finally almost over. we all woke up at 4:40, gathered up all our crap, and got to the BWI airport at around 5. our flight wasn't supposed to leave until 8:30 AM but my dad had a conference in Rhode Island that he had to go to, and his flight left for JFK at 6:30 so it was just easier to all get to the airport at the same time. I was super grumpy and tired and waiting for our flight seemed like eternity. well, we finally boarded our flight to Minneapolis at 8 ish and we were supposed to take off at 8:30, get to Minneapolis at around 10 ish, have a 45 minute layover and fly to SLC and get there at around 1 pm. but this was a newer plane, and there was ONE oxygen mask that wouldn't pull down, so the maintenance people had to come try and fix it. also, Delta decided to freaking replay the same song 5 TIMES IN A ROW (I think it was called With Every Beat of My Heart or something?) and let me say it again, it was literal hell. once the music stopped, it was better. but we ended up taking off at least an hour later than we were expected to, and the flight attendant was trying to be optimistic about trying to make sure we all got our connections, but right before we landed, he said "everyone who is going to Salt Lake, you missed your flight.....we will get tickets for the next one." so we had 3 extra hours to waste at the Minneapolis airport before our new flight to SLC left. needless to say I was in a really bad mood. I was jet lagged, I had been up since 4:40 am (2:40 am Utah time), and I just wanted to get home. we finally arrived in Salt Lake at dinnertime.

again, I apologize for this post being the least exciting of the 3, and to be honest most of it just consists of me complaining about how much I hate driving all day and being stuck at airports (except being stuck at the Narita Airport in Tokyo and going through all the stupid security lines and ATMs and getting our subway passes and waiting in more lines and spending about 4 hours there was possibly the worst day of my life). but I honestly loved going to DC and learning more about our country and my appreciation of American history has grown. and if you take anything from this, just..don't connect. even though flying straight through from SLC to Baltimore is more expensive. it saves a lot more time,

have a great day everyone!

Castles take DC part 2

I told you. this second part would be a long time coming. not that anyone cares, of course. and I'm sorry that the slightly controversial opinion post had to come in between my vacation posts. but now that Wimbledon is over, I will hopefully have more time and energy to get the rest of my DC post out here.

(side note: Wimbledon was crazy. so many upsets. I was really hoping that Roger Federer would pull through and win his 8th Wimbledon title after being injured, and it looked like he would. but he got knocked out in the semis in 5 sets by Milos Raonic, and to be honest, that hit me hard emotionally. but I'm glad Andy Murray was able to beat Raonic and get a title. and I am hoping and praying that Federer can win the US Open this year.)

OKAY. now I'm ready to talk about Washington, DC.

we stayed in an AirBNB vacation home in the city, right next to the metro station. it was very convenient and it was in a cute red brick building. it was a bit snug, and the bathroom was connected to the one bedroom (which my parents occupied), so we had to interrupt their quiet time a lot. there was literally 6 inches between the couch that my brothers shared and my air mattress, and another 6 inches between my air mattress and the dining table. instead of eating out, we cooked our own food in the kitchen, but the closest grocery store was this organic market which had super weird, ultra-healthy food. we had to eat spinach wraps (on the blandest tortillas ever), couscous, and rice pilaf. I tried to make myself a normal quesadilla using the spinach wrap one night, but 1. I couldn't figure out how to turn on the gas stove and was waiting 30 minutes for it to turn on before I realized my mistake, and 2. the tortilla sucked. but there was also a CVS pharmacy close by, and I was able to get all the Diet Coke that I needed.

OKAY for real I'm ready to talk about Washington, DC.

the first day was probably the busiest, hottest day. we began our adventure at the Spy Museum. this was one of my favorite museums I have ever gone to. we got to see all this KGB and CIA and German spy equipment, and it was so cool. we learned how hard it is to be a spy. you can't trust anyone, and you have to be conscientious about everything: the way you walk, the way you talk, eye contact, everything. you had to be a master with disguises, and you had to be real sneaky. you couldn't be claustrophobic either. there were also some activities where we had to look at a picture and find all the suspicious items and the video cameras. basically, everyone and everything is out to get you. sounds interesting, right? well, just as we thought we were finished, THERE WAS A JAMES BOND EXHIBIT. it had all the secret tools used in every movie, and I learned more Bond trivia than I signed up for. it was really neat. for the rest of the trip, we looked around at people and tried to decide if they were spies or not. good times.

since we didn't end up getting a White House tour (we either failed the background check, or there were too many people requesting tours), we just walked around the area, took some pictures, went to the World War II memorial, and walked around near the Washington Monument (our tour was the next day). then we had a guided tour at the Capitol Building, which took forever to walk to, plus we were all tired and hot and grumpy. we couldn't bring anything inside the building. no pointy objects, no food, no drink (empty water bottles were okay), and we had to go through intense security. we had to wear headphones and they were all somehow connected to our tour guide's microphone. it was pretty cool because he would talk and we could all hear him, which made all the other tour guides able to give their tours at the same time. since the House was in session, we didn't get to see the whole building, but we got to see the rotunda and all the state statues. the art on the dome was incredible, and I can only imagine how hard it was to paint like that. our tour guide asked all of us where we were from so that he could specifically point out our state statues. ours was of Brigham Young, and I don't remember anyone else's, but the Florida one was the dude who invented air conditioning. in the visitors center, there were more state statues, and the other one we had was Philo T. Farnsworth, the guy who invented TV. because we were so tired of walking, we took a break in the visitor's center to just sit down and Wesley thought he saw Jason Chaffetz, our US Representative and got really excited. we will never know if it was indeed Jason Chaffetz, but it's nice to think that it was.

 WWII memorial

 Obama was chilling inside 

 Justin uses every chance he gets to brag about how I stopped growing when I was 14 and how he's 13 and 6 inches taller than me. he's also jealous that I have a Freddie Mercury t shirt and he doesn't.

 WWII memorial feat. family of tourists

 I'm just a bill, yeah I'm only a bill, and I'm (standing) here on Capitol Hill

 Brigham Young statue

the best family picture we could get. we were all tired and hungry. and yes Wesley is wearing a jacket in this 90 degree weather. I question his motives.

Day 2 was a bit more cloudy, but it was still hot and humid. we spent a lot of time at museums, including the Air and Space and the American History museum. both of them were really cool, and I learned that I would not qualify for an airline stewardess in the 50s or the 60s. you had to be at least 5'3", and I'm 5'0". you also had to be really good looking and wear flashy clothes. in the 1980s however, they adopted the traditional attire and more people could do it, not just average-height females. also, here is some tennis trivia: Roland Garros was the first person to cross the Mediterranean Sea by air, and was a French aviator and fighter pilot during WWI. the stadium where the French Open is played was named after him! we also got to visit the Jefferson memorial, the Roosevelt memorial, and the Washington Monument. I loved reading all the quotes from our early Founding Fathers and one of the Thomas Jefferson ones was about the importance of religious freedom and how our motto is "in God we trust". it makes me sad how our country is less focused on that now. but enough about politics. here are some pictures. (my mom's camera battery died so there weren't a lot of pictures from this day. in fact I only have 3.)

 the next day started out rainy, but after about 10 minutes we realized our rain jackets were useless as it started to warm up. we started our day at the Library of Congress. there was an exhibit featuring 40 Books That Influenced America, and guess which book was number 4 on the list? THE BOOK OF MORMON! who would've thought, with all the recent criticism our church has received? apparently it was a good influence on enough people that it made the top 40 and the Library of Congress owns an original copy. Needless to say we were all pretty stoked about that. the architecture was also amazing. after that, we went to the National Archives and got to see the original Declaration of Independence, Constitution, Bill of Rights, and Magna Carta. the Declaration was pretty faded, so if there is any treasure map there, it's probably impossible to read. my mom decided to buy a fake Declaration and a fake Bill of Rights to hang in our house. no treasure maps on those, either. thank you National Treasure for ruining our hopes.

so I know I'm taking forever and this post is already longer than you signed up for, so I'll really try to keep this short. after we did all that, we went to the White House Visitor's Center because we didn't get to do the real thing. that house has SO MANY FREAKING ROOMS that probably aren't used for anything except to show off things. (as is Kensington palace.) then we did the Lincoln Memorial (ABE LINCOLN IS AWESOME) and then we did a tour of Ford's Theatre, which was probably my favorite thing we did the entire trip. we got to go inside the theatre and our tour guide literally put on a "show" from the stage of the theatre, giving all the details of Lincoln's assassination. he told us what play was going on, where the Lincoln's were, the life story of John Wilkes Booth, and how he was hunted down and killed. my favorite part of the story was that the dude who was supposed to kill VP Andrew Johnson got too drunk that night that he didn't end up doing anything. it was actually so cool to learn all the extra details. I also learned that pretty much the entire Lincoln family went crazy after that, which isn't surprising.

well, this concludes part 2 to our adventure in DC! just a heads up, part 3 will be pretty lame because my already-annoying allergies really decided to act up, so I was on Benadryl the whole time. (naturally I was really tired and grumpy). so this was definitely the most exciting part of the trip. thanks for putting up with all my pointless ramblings, and stay tuned for part 3! and in the words of Ron Burgundy, "don't just have a great night, have an American night!"

a personal opinion on feminism

I remember a few years ago I would get on social media and I would see mostly happy things: pictures from family vacations, people getting married, new mothers welcoming their brand new baby, success in sporting events, family members greeting loved ones after not seeing them for 2 years, or brand new puppies.

That stuff is still there, but there is a lot less of it. Now, when I get on social media, I see so much hate, anger, and judgement toward one another. Why? "Oh, because your church doesn't support gays." "Oh, because the college you worked so hard to get accepted into has a horrible honor code that punishes rape victims and lets rapists do what they want." "Oh, because this person doesn't support transgender people using the bathroom they want." "Oh, because this person thinks the Second Amendment is more important than personal safety." "Oh, because of police brutality." "Oh, because this person supports X as a presidential candidate."

or my personal favorite:

"Because this woman said that she wasn't a feminist and all women should be feminists! and any woman who says they are not a feminist is crazy and is going to hell!"

**side note: when people post this kind of stuff, just know that you are not changing anyone's mind about their personal beliefs. you are either attracting support from those who already support you (which is good), or you are making other people feel judged because they have beliefs that differ from yours. so I am in no way trying to get anyone to agree with me or change anyone's mind. I am only trying to share my personal beliefs and hoping that all of you can accept me as a person, regardless of what I believe in. It is okay if you don't share the same beliefs as I do. I know so many good people who I completely disagree with politically, but I respect their opinion and they respect mine and we are still friends because we have so many other things in common. So I hope that I don't lose any friends over this, and if I do, then I apologize that something that I have an opinion on means so much to you that you would choose not to be friends with them because of it.

Okay. Side note over.

Over the past few years, feminism has been becoming a very big issue, especially in the media. I was taught in my history classes that feminism meant "the advocacy of women's rights on the grounds of political, social, and economic equality to men", which is actually the first definition that comes up when the word is Googled. and yes, feminism was very important in history; if women weren't willing to stand up for what they wanted, such as the right to vote, the right to labor, the right to get an education, the right to be able to play sports in school, or the right to be able to own property, then I wouldn't be able to do any of these things. But we, in America (note I said in America) aren't fighting for these things anymore. since the official definition of feminism states "the advocacy of women's rights...", then I don't have to say I am a feminist because I am not an advocate. I personally don't feel I need to be. in my life, there are many things that are more important to me than the wage gap, whether or not a woman is elected president, or how Disney princess teach girls to rely on Prince Charming to be happy, rather than teaching them about being smart, brave, independent, or successful. (I mean these are kids movies; all they care about is the story, not about whether the princess was a successful businesswoman!)

so many times I have seen, "All women need feminism because...(something about men being more successful and how they don't respect women)." If feminism truly means "gender equality", then why are we focusing more on one side than the other? why is it considered okay for a woman to say "men are stupid", while it is considered sexist for a man to say "women are stupid"? Why is it considered acceptable and heroic for a woman to hit a man for self-defense, but if a man did the same thing for self-defense against a woman, it would be a crime because "he hit a girl"? are we saying that women can defend themselves, but men cannot? finally, the word itself is ironic to me; many women have stated that feminism simply means "equality of both men and women", yet it only has only one of the genders represented in the word. if we simply just want equality, then why not use the term "gender equality"?

I don't describe myself as a feminist because I don't personally see myself as an advocate for women's rights. Rather, I see myself as an individualist who wishes to respect everyone without having to label myself as a feminist OR an anti-feminist. I personally believe that men and women were created with different purposes, and that those differences should complement each other in working together, marriage, and relationships. I want to go to college and get a Bachelor's degree before having kids, but that's not because I'm trying to prove myself as a woman; I'm doing it because I believe that education is important and I want to focus on that before I focus on anything else. I want to be successful, but I also want to get married and be a mother, which I believe is a harder job than anything else. I've seen people get attacked for choosing to get married (heaven forbid to a MAN!) and have children, and that they are "wasting their potential as a successful woman" and that makes me very sad. My mom went to college, got married, graduated from BYU with a Bachelors in dietetics, did an internship, and then had children and has been a stay-at-home mother ever since, and she is one of the most compassionate, hard-working people I know, and I want to be like her. I'm not saying that all women have to get married and have children, but it should not be looked down upon. I think women and men should be able to do what they want because they want to do it, not to defy gender roles.

I believe that women should be treated with respect, but not because I am a feminist. I believe that everyone should treat each other with respect, regardless of gender. I believe that an individual should be able to do what they want and be looked at as a strong individual, not as a feminist icon. and the bottom line? because I am a woman and I have the agency to make my own choices, I choose not to call myself a feminist. and if you choose to call yourself a feminist, then that is perfectly fine with me.

and that should not determine whether or not I am a good person.

Castles take DC: part 1

as you can probably guess from the title, I went on vacation again.

(ALSO: Wimbledon is currently going on so it may take forever to get this whole trip on the blog because I'm either watching tennis, playing tennis, or working.)

I've always wanted to go to Washington, DC. and when I was older and started appreciating history more, I really wanted to go to DC. my dad has been a couple times because he has conferences in the area, and he never took the family with him because we were "too young" or it was during the school year. finally, he decided since it would be right after graduation and because my brothers were older (but not necessarily more mature), we could go. and HOLY CRAP I WAS SO EXCITED. museums, history, memorials, history, homes of presidents, history, old ships, history, old forts, history, colonial villages, HISTORY...you get it. this was going to be amazing. and it was. but in true Castle family fashion, we had our great moments, and our not-so-great moments. and you will be getting the raw, unfiltered version from yours truly.

to start out, we had to wake up at 5 in order to be ready by 6 and be at the airport by 7 and catch our flight at 8:30...? I don't even remember. I do remember that it was a super long day. we had a 3 hour layover at Minneapolis and we arrived in Baltimore in the evening (but it was still afternoon Utah time). no one wants to hear about my boring day at the airport, but I will tell you that we took the shuttle to the wrong hotel and we were all very tired and grumpy and had to call the shuttle again to take us to the right hotel.

we spent our first day in the lovely city of Baltimore. to be honest, Baltimore is actually way scary and ghetto, but the inner harbor area was gorgeous. we got to take a tour of an old naval ship used in the civil war, the USS Constellation. if you have ever read my blog before, you can tell that almost every vacation our family has taken involves a tour of some old boat. we did a lot in Japan, one in Scotland, Pearl Harbor, and now Baltimore. the audio tour guide on this one was especially entertaining, it featured some ghost stories, animal sounds, and seaside music. Justin really liked the audio tour guide and forced us to listen to the music over and over again.

 basically what got me through the whole vacation

after we took our tour of the USS Constellation, we went to Fort McHenry, which is THE fort that inspired the writing of the Star-Spangled Banner. when Francis Scott Key was taken as a POW by Britain, he looked up at Fort McHenry to see that OUR FLAG WAS STILL THERE and that Britain could not take down America because we had better forts than they did, so he wrote a song about it. it was so cool to hear the story and tour the fort. after Fort McHenry, my dad wanted us to have the "real Maryland experience", so we ate crab cakes and fish tacos for dinner. and it was THE best fish I've eaten in my life. the place we ate at was called The Greene Turtle, and it was described as "a popular place for college kids." it was a dimly lit bar-style place with soccer and horse racing on TV, and it only played country music. none of us in our family like country music, but it was a cool little place.

after we ate our delicious meal, we had to get back to the hotel by train, pick up our luggage, and then take the Amtrak to DC. my dad was having some issues working the Baltimore light rail ticket machine, so a guy walked up and helped him get the right ticket. after my dad graciously thanked him, he said, "now, since I helped you, will you be so kind and help out the homeless?" my dad reached into his pocket and pulled out a dime and said, "I don't have any cash with me, but here is a dime. I hope it gets you somewhere, good luck" and the homeless man took it and walked off. I hope that dime got him off the streets. Baltimore is a sketchy place.

the most interesting thing about Baltimore was the people we met, and how even though we were still in America, the East Coast is very different from the West Coast. perhaps the biggest difference was their idea of family. back in Utah, especially in the Mormon culture, it is very common to have AT LEAST four kids. 3 is on the smaller side over here. but for our family it's perfect because it's less expensive traveling with 3 kids than 7 kids, plus we can all fit into a hotel room (I'm always the one who gets the couch or the rollaway bed). but as we were eating breakfast in our hotel, a really nice black lady commented in her Southern accent, "what a big family you have! what brings you here?" and I said, "I just graduated high school and will start college in the fall, so our family is celebrating!"  first she said, "you're really short for your age, I never would've guessed you were a high school graduate!" and then she said, "I love seeing families who travel together. it's a rare thing to see these days, and it makes me sad. when you get married, please travel with your husband and with your kids! families are beautiful."

when we bought our AMTRAK tickets to DC that night, the lady selling the tickets asked my parents how many, and they said "3 adults, 2 kids" and then she asked, "who is the other adult? they all look like children!" so I showed her my drivers license to prove that I was 18 (as mentioned in the previous conversation, the fact that I'm 18 and only 5 foot doesn't do me any favors), and she said, "I was hoping you were younger. I love seeing families traveling together, it makes me so happy. It's not something that I see very often, so I'm going to be nice and charge you for 3 children and 2 adults." honestly I was shocked and my parents were of course very gracious.

even in Utah, the idea of traveling as a family is becoming less popular (maybe because many of my friends have like 5 siblings and it's expensive to take everyone). when my friends and I were talking about our senior trips, they always asked me who I was going with, and I would say, "my family", to which they would say, "all of them? your parents and your brothers?" I asked them who they were going with, and the most common responses were, "oh, just my mom", "oh, just my dad", "oh, just my mom and my best friend". now, while traveling with my brothers requires a lot of patience (especially since both of them are growing teenagers who eat 3 times as much as the rest of us, and both of them can have real attitude problems), it's fun to have these experiences as a family while we can, because I move out in 2 months. when I was younger, I didn't think my family was that important. I had a hard time getting along with my brothers, and traveling to places like DC or England or Hawaii would've been a nightmare back then. I never understood how my friends had such great relationships with their siblings because they were sharing rooms with their sisters, and I couldn't even sit next to my brothers at the dinner table without fighting with them. they said they couldn't play with me because they were playing with their brothers and sisters, and it hurt my feelings because I would never have chosen my brothers over my friends. (also I was very immature back then.) but as I've gotten older, I have become a lot closer with both of my brothers, and I am so grateful for that because there's just something I love about traveling with my family. I've learned that when traveling with friends, there is only so much time you can spend together before you get tired of each other and start fighting. however, with siblings, since we already live together, fighting is a normal occurrence. it's great. it really is.

sorry for the long ramble. I told you, you are getting the raw, unfiltered version from me. next time you can just skip the words and look at the pictures. have a great day. please travel with your kids if your situation allows you to. there is so much more to the world than St. George, Utah.

things I can only say after graduating

well guys. I did it. I graduated from Timpview High School with honors and AP scholar cords. (this means I took x number of AP tests and got 3's on all of them? I don't even know. but it's a big enough deal to get me some cords.) the ceremony was....long. I'm pretty sure it was great, but considering the fact that people with ADHD don't do well in long ceremonies whatsoever, I lost my patience 5 minutes in. but it was probably wonderful for those humans who actually have an attention span. everyone has asked me how it feels to be a graduate. to be honest, it's mostly just weird and now I have to find a job and learn how to do everything for myself before I move out. but I thought I would share some pieces of advice, some good experiences, some embarrassing experiences, some mistakes and regrets, and what I will take and leave from my senior year of high school. if you are looking for a sentimental post about how life moves pretty fast, if you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it, then this isn't the place. (I LOVE Ferris Bueller, but this isn't the place to be mushy.) so, without further ado:

HOW TO DO SENIOR YEAR (or life in general) RIGHT

1. GO TO CLASS. JUST DO IT. OK? it is a really hard habit to break, and making up assignments is not worth it. I would give you guys a lecture, but I want to be nice. Don't pull a Ferris Bueller every day.

2. Not all underclassmen are evil, brainless scum. these 2 girls, Grace and Nicole, have become 2 of my best friends for life. and they are a year younger than me. since there was only 1 other senior on the tennis team, I was spending a lot of time with juniors. and they are great people. I was their age once, and it is fun to give advice and talk to them about how to survive junior year (which is the hardest academically), because hanging around seniors who only want to talk about college can get old after a while. many seniors get an attitude that they are better than everyone because they are seniors, but please don't do that. the younger years look up to you. if I was a snobby senior, then Nicole wouldn't be able to text me "let's play tennis" and be at a court in 5 minutes, and Grace wouldn't have anyone to scream The Killers or Michael Jackson or Queen songs with her in the car.

3. Make new friends, but keep the old.  my senior year, I ended up hanging out with a lot of the people that I went to elementary school with, and it was just so fun to reminisce with them about Rock Canyon Elementary school and being rebels on the playground by annoying the recess guards, the 5th grade kickball tournament, singing all 6 minutes of Bohemian Rhapsody at the 5th grade karaoke party just to prove that I knew all the words, the 6th grade student teacher with weird eyebrows who smelled funny, the medieval feast, and all the other good times that I can't name off the top of my head. I went to homecoming with the boy who got in trouble for taking off his shoes in first grade. I also went to Sadie Hawkins, Prom, and Last Chance with boys I had known since elementary school, and it was so much fun to experience high school with the people who I grew up with. so, while new friends are great, there is just something fun about growing up with people!

4. Don't let rankings define you. when people would ask me how I was doing in tennis, I would say, "Really great! I've only lost to Orem and that one girl in St George!" and then they would say "so you're almost undefeated! what's your ranking?" and I would say, "3rd JV singles." and if they were ignorant, they would say, "but if you're that good, you should play varsity!" well, that's not how tennis works. EVERY SPOT ON THE TEAM is important. we all have to try out best! being 3rd JV singles is a very important position. if one of the 2 JV singles girls ranked higher than me wins, but the other one loses, then it's up to me to get that JV singles win! just because I'm not on varsity doesn't mean I have to lose! when I was in St George with the Varsity and the rest of competing JV,  one of the workers at the country club was watching me beat this girl 6-0, 6-2 and then asked me what school I went to. I said, "Timpview" and she said, "so that's why you're playing JV! Timpview's varsity is exceptional, and when JV has players as good as you, then that says a lot about the rest of the team. you have a solid team!" so moral of the story, no matter what ranking you are, no matter what position you play, do your best because YOU ARE IMPORTANT!

5. BE CLUTCH. being clutch means to perform well, even under pressure. I had a hard time with this my sophomore season, but by my senior season I got pretty good at being clutch. but the key to being clutch is not to focus on the pressure, and to get in the zone. my most devastating loss was not because my opponent outplayed me, not because I was tired, but because I wasn't clutch. it was a really hot day in St. George, and it was at 2:30, the hottest time of the day. my opponent had just played another match before me, and I thought I could wear her out. but since I was under that pressure to wear her out, I kept missing. she actually almost forfeited due to heat exhaustion, so I thought it would be a really easy win. I was more consistent, my form was better. but I wasn't clutch. I froze. and she beat me. and I cried more about losing than she did about heat exhaustion (which was a lot.) so be clutch, in sports, performances, and on tests. don't give in to the pressure!

6. Go to football games. go to basketball games. go to whatever sport you can. go to orchestra concerts. JUST SHOW YOUR SUPPORT. YOU WILL REGRET STAYING AT HOME. but sometimes, if you have too much homework, then stay home.

7. Don't tell cheerleaders that their sport isn't a sport. they will hate you forever. (I never did this, but I watched it happen.) many of them can't even hold a tennis racket correctly, but they can do a back handspring, which I have never been able to do. I was able to get away with pretending I was a cheerleader for 20 minutes for my senior prank though!

8. Sometimes you crash the car; sometimes you get crashed into. This was not an easy lesson to learn, and I had to give my dad the car for a few days until I was able to prove that I could drive responsibly and clean up the paint scrapes. to make a long story short, I had never gotten in an accident since I got my license. then one day, when I was driving home from tennis, I hit one car in the parking lot and another going down the hill. I was freaking out and crying and I probably said a few swear words, but neither person I hit called the police and they were both really nice. (my dad was more upset than they were.) 4 months later, one of my good friends hit me in the parking lot and my first instinct was to swear at her and yell at her for not paying attention and forgetting to use her brakes. but I remembered that I was in her same situation 4 months earlier, and neither person I hit got angry at me, so I just told her, "you're good. I won't call the police. just use your breaks next time!" and we are still friends. so pretty much, always be kind, even when your friends hits your car.

9. Comparison is the thief of joy. my best friend and I both play piano. we are both really good, but she is better than me and was getting a lot of recognition for her skills, while my choir teacher told me I was "sub-par" and really hurt my feelings. I was really angry for a while, but then I realized that my friend practices 3-4 hours every day at least, and I was using those hours in my day to play tennis instead. also, she doesn't have ADHD and has the ability to sit at the piano without burning out. I can only last 1-2 hours with breaks in between. so I re-evaluated and realized that considering my circumstances, I was doing great. so then I was able to appreciate her talents and abilities without comparing myself to her.

10. Being an individualist has pros and cons, as well as being a groupie. I am a real individualist. I have many good friends, but I don't hang out with the same people every day. I do have a few close friends that I try to eat lunch with more than once a week, but when I go to parties or games, I go in my own car by myself and just meet up with people, rather than go with 3 or 4 friends that I have been hanging out with all day. I like this because I have many different friends, but it can be hard because I don't always get invited to hang out with people. it's not because they don't like me; it's because they mostly hang out with the same people every day and I join in every once in a while. being a groupie can provide more security, but in my mind, it's just not fun being with the same people ALL THE TIME. but to each their own.

11. Acappella tour is fun. Acappella tour is especially fun at Disneyland with your friends who have only gone there once. But if you grew up in So. California like me and have gone over 50 times, maybe don't take your friends on "small world" because they won't appreciate it as much as you do. Also, Becca (middle) and I had to leave Brooke (right) in a random shop on Main Street because she was being too grumpy and wouldn't go on Indiana Jones with us (turns out, she had tonsillitis and wasn't feeling too good). but we did have a good time. my favorite moment was when my friends were making fun of my Smiths t-shirt and my love for weird 80s music, some guy in line for Haunted Mansion turned around and was ALSO WEARING A SMITHS SHIRT! and at the same time, both of us said, "NICE SHIRT!" it was a cool bonding moment.

12. Listen to good music in the morning. as mentioned above, I do love The Smiths. but I can't listen to them in the morning or else I am depressed for the rest of the day. after going through all my music library, I do best when I listen to Queen in the mornings. My family raised me on Queen, and I have nothing but good memories when I listen to them, not to mention Freddie Mercury was probably one of the most talented musicians ever to have lived. "Don't Stop Me Now" is the only song that could possibly pump me up for going to 6-7 hours of school. as a result, I am in a much better mood for the rest of the day, which is really hard for seniors.

13. Don't be a Teacher's Pet, but don't be that kid that administration can't wait to see graduate. no one likes Teacher's Pets except for teachers. you will lose all your friends. some teachers do like a little sass! make them laugh! but don't do it excessively, or else they will hate you and get tired of you. figure out what the right amount is.

14. Please, just don't be that kid who is "so over" everything. you hate high school? you hate everyone? cool. everyone hates you too!

15. Have fun, but don't break the law or do anything that would look bad on college applications. College is tough. So while it is good to have fun in high school, just don't break the law. What is more important, having a good story to tell your kids and going to a not-so-good college, or going to a great college and getting a good job and having a good future while still having a good time?

16. Sparknotes will save your life. But you have to read the book too. I have had to read many books that I didn't choose to read. I didn't understand them, and I didn't like them. So I read the Sparknotes instead, which worked until my teacher made a whole quiz based on quotes from the reading. So, I adopted my new strategy. Read the Sparknotes first, and PRINT THEM OUT FOR REFERENCE when you actually do the reading. they will help clear up anything that doesn't make sense in the book. it's a lot of work, but it will help you understand a lot better than if you had just read Sparknotes, or if you had just read the book.

17. Don't cheat your way through high school. if you didn't do any work to learn anything before the test, and then you have to take it (without anyone's help), then you're screwed. and so is your grade. and so are your college applications!

18. Be honest with your parents. believe me. I've learned not only from experience but also from watching my younger siblings. if you do something bad and they ask you, it's better to be upfront, honest, and apologetic with them and get the smaller punishment, than to lie to them and have them find out later and get the bigger punishment. also, if you are honest with them, they will trust you and give you a later curfew.

19. Be patient. everyone is going through the same thing you are. they are applying to college. some of them are going on missions. some of them are struggling to turn in all their assignments on time. so if anyone gets mad at you for no reason, they are probably just as stressed as you are.

20. Don't focus too much on the future. this is your senior year. HAVE FUN WITH IT! don't be too caught up in getting ready for college and moving out. HAVE FUN! do stuff with your friends. go to games. do everything I mentioned on this list. get good grades. don't skip class. and it's good to prepare for college. but it shouldn't be your life. HAVE A GOOD TIME!