I feel like I am in a depression phase. I really shouldn't use that term, because there really are people out there who really do struggle with real depression and take medication. and I'm not like that. I don't start dressing in black and stop doing my makeup and write deep, depressing poetry in my spare time.
No, this is just an overall gloominess that lasts throughout the entire month of February. you know, that first snow of the year we get, in around December? Or in Utah, it can happen in October or November but I don't really count those..the first snow that sticks. in December. everyone gets really excited because snow. skiing, snowmen, sledding, hot chocolate, and the world is just covered in a white, sparkly blanket. this joy, for me, lasts only a few days.
once it gets to February, I'm over it. I can't take the cold, gray days anymore. I'm sick of seeing snow on the ground. I want to see the sun. I'm just a lot happier when the sun is out. I do enjoy the occasional gray day, where I can just stay inside and play piano and read a good book. but not everyday for a whole month. and then, I get depressed.
oh, how my body longs to see the sun again! oh, how I would love to not wear a jacket everytime I walk outside! to get into my stash of spring and summer clothes, and start wearing short sleeves again. to walk home from school without freezing (because I don't get to use the car until my dad starts riding his bike to work. so yeah, I get the car when it's warm, and I walk or have to get rides when it's cold.), get home from school, rip off all my clothes, change into a tennis skirt and a tank top, and go up to the court to hit some balls. to pull my hair back, and feel the sun on the back of my neck. and yes, I do miss those embarrassing tan lines. they are still there, but they are faded. and I miss them. even though it is awkward looking like this. having skirt tans, racer back tans, sock tans... I miss it.
- read a book. I used to be an avid reader,and if I was hooked on a good book, I could sit still for hours until I finished it. once I got into junior high, I lost that sense of pleasure reading because I had so much homework, and it only got worse in high school. I only read when I was forced to. but now, I have been looking for good books to read in my own spare time, and they have kept me happy and helped me forget about the craziness of school and girls and boys and crappy weather.
- make yourself a playlist of good gray day songs, or happy songs that bring back memories of good times. put playlist in car, and go on a little drive in the evening. I like to go up in those neighborhoods on the hill, so I can look at the pretty houses and the gorgeous sunsets. It just makes me feel really good and at peace with myself. or, bring a friend with you, and just drive around and talk and listen to good music.
- listening to these same playlists, go in your room and read old journal entries, and write some more.
- clean your room. believe it or not, this helps. I feel like my life is put together.
- play piano. not practice, but play, just for fun. open up to some of your favorite songs and let it out there. pleasure playing. I like that.
- write songs.
- pull yourself together, put on a jacket, and go for a little run. even though the weather may be crappy, you'll feel so much better.
- take your little brother to go get a smoothie at Jamba Juice with you. you get real bro bonding time, and you get a good smoothie as well.
- bake cookies, and bring them to your friends. it's always great to make someone's day.
- go skiing. I used to ski all the time with the ski program at Rock Canyon. I learned to ski through that program, and my favorite part would be exploring Sundance by myself, and doing free skiing. these past few years, I have been way too busy. but this year, i was determined to go at least once. so, on Presidents day, I went up with my family and had the best day of this entire winter, skiing all day. it feels so good to get fresh air up in the mountains, and it is a great workout. and even though I am really sore, it feels so good. even if you've never skiied before, it's never too late to learn. just do it. it's great exercise, it's fun, and it feels good.
- keep looking forward, and know that the sun will eventually come out. and when it does, life will be SO GOOD.
