a personal opinion on feminism

I remember a few years ago I would get on social media and I would see mostly happy things: pictures from family vacations, people getting married, new mothers welcoming their brand new baby, success in sporting events, family members greeting loved ones after not seeing them for 2 years, or brand new puppies.

That stuff is still there, but there is a lot less of it. Now, when I get on social media, I see so much hate, anger, and judgement toward one another. Why? "Oh, because your church doesn't support gays." "Oh, because the college you worked so hard to get accepted into has a horrible honor code that punishes rape victims and lets rapists do what they want." "Oh, because this person doesn't support transgender people using the bathroom they want." "Oh, because this person thinks the Second Amendment is more important than personal safety." "Oh, because of police brutality." "Oh, because this person supports X as a presidential candidate."

or my personal favorite:

"Because this woman said that she wasn't a feminist and all women should be feminists! and any woman who says they are not a feminist is crazy and is going to hell!"

**side note: when people post this kind of stuff, just know that you are not changing anyone's mind about their personal beliefs. you are either attracting support from those who already support you (which is good), or you are making other people feel judged because they have beliefs that differ from yours. so I am in no way trying to get anyone to agree with me or change anyone's mind. I am only trying to share my personal beliefs and hoping that all of you can accept me as a person, regardless of what I believe in. It is okay if you don't share the same beliefs as I do. I know so many good people who I completely disagree with politically, but I respect their opinion and they respect mine and we are still friends because we have so many other things in common. So I hope that I don't lose any friends over this, and if I do, then I apologize that something that I have an opinion on means so much to you that you would choose not to be friends with them because of it.

Okay. Side note over.

Over the past few years, feminism has been becoming a very big issue, especially in the media. I was taught in my history classes that feminism meant "the advocacy of women's rights on the grounds of political, social, and economic equality to men", which is actually the first definition that comes up when the word is Googled. and yes, feminism was very important in history; if women weren't willing to stand up for what they wanted, such as the right to vote, the right to labor, the right to get an education, the right to be able to play sports in school, or the right to be able to own property, then I wouldn't be able to do any of these things. But we, in America (note I said in America) aren't fighting for these things anymore. since the official definition of feminism states "the advocacy of women's rights...", then I don't have to say I am a feminist because I am not an advocate. I personally don't feel I need to be. in my life, there are many things that are more important to me than the wage gap, whether or not a woman is elected president, or how Disney princess teach girls to rely on Prince Charming to be happy, rather than teaching them about being smart, brave, independent, or successful. (I mean these are kids movies; all they care about is the story, not about whether the princess was a successful businesswoman!)

so many times I have seen, "All women need feminism because...(something about men being more successful and how they don't respect women)." If feminism truly means "gender equality", then why are we focusing more on one side than the other? why is it considered okay for a woman to say "men are stupid", while it is considered sexist for a man to say "women are stupid"? Why is it considered acceptable and heroic for a woman to hit a man for self-defense, but if a man did the same thing for self-defense against a woman, it would be a crime because "he hit a girl"? are we saying that women can defend themselves, but men cannot? finally, the word itself is ironic to me; many women have stated that feminism simply means "equality of both men and women", yet it only has only one of the genders represented in the word. if we simply just want equality, then why not use the term "gender equality"?

I don't describe myself as a feminist because I don't personally see myself as an advocate for women's rights. Rather, I see myself as an individualist who wishes to respect everyone without having to label myself as a feminist OR an anti-feminist. I personally believe that men and women were created with different purposes, and that those differences should complement each other in working together, marriage, and relationships. I want to go to college and get a Bachelor's degree before having kids, but that's not because I'm trying to prove myself as a woman; I'm doing it because I believe that education is important and I want to focus on that before I focus on anything else. I want to be successful, but I also want to get married and be a mother, which I believe is a harder job than anything else. I've seen people get attacked for choosing to get married (heaven forbid to a MAN!) and have children, and that they are "wasting their potential as a successful woman" and that makes me very sad. My mom went to college, got married, graduated from BYU with a Bachelors in dietetics, did an internship, and then had children and has been a stay-at-home mother ever since, and she is one of the most compassionate, hard-working people I know, and I want to be like her. I'm not saying that all women have to get married and have children, but it should not be looked down upon. I think women and men should be able to do what they want because they want to do it, not to defy gender roles.

I believe that women should be treated with respect, but not because I am a feminist. I believe that everyone should treat each other with respect, regardless of gender. I believe that an individual should be able to do what they want and be looked at as a strong individual, not as a feminist icon. and the bottom line? because I am a woman and I have the agency to make my own choices, I choose not to call myself a feminist. and if you choose to call yourself a feminist, then that is perfectly fine with me.

and that should not determine whether or not I am a good person.