the blogging game.

more than 3 years ago, when I first discovered blogging, I intended to use it as sort of a journal. I would blog about pretty much everything that was going on in my life: school, my friends, family vacations, personal thoughts, everything. and it was a lot more convenient than keeping a written journal. I found those things pointless. I mean, who the heck would sit down everyday and write
"today was a good day. the sun was shining. I went to school. I saw my friends. my classes were hard. I went to tennis. Tennis was fun. Then I did homework and practiced piano and ate dinner and talked to my family. It was a good day."
that just isn't in my nature. so, if I needed to share my feelings, I would go directly to the blog. eventually in 8th grade, I got a notebook that I specifically labeled "interactions with cute boys." because of course, who would blog about that? too awkward. but I still preferred blogging overall. this was especially useful when we were in Japan, because it was a fun and exciting way to document my experience.

then in my freshman year, I became very busy with homework and other things. there wasn't really anything exciting to blog about. but I still wanted some way to record my feelings that are too personal to blog about. so I found a notebook, decorated it, and wrote on the first page

"Miriam Elaina Castle- age 15, Freshman at Timpview High School. Journal Started: February 3, 2013.

I've been keeping journals since like the end of October in 8th Grade. I used to detest them. But I started to really like boys and I felt like I needed a personal place to write down my feelings about them, that no one could read except me..."  so then the journal entry goes on to describe a boy who had recently tickled my fancy. that was only the start. and yes, I did primarily write about that kind of stuff, going into great detail writing exact conversations, describing appearances, and things I liked about them. but pretty soon, it turned into exactly what I wrote on the inside page of the journal I am currently writing in.

"Miriam Elaina Castle- age 15, Sophomore at Timpview High School. Journal started September 1, 2013. (sound familiar?)

• for thoughts that I wish not to share with the world, but are too beautiful to stay inside my head, so they are to be written on paper and not for anyone else to read.
• for those times I need to reminisce.
• for those good, great, amazing experiences I wish to keep with me forever.
• for those teeny little details I wish not to forget.
• for the smallest things that make my days
• for those innermost feelings I need to get out of my system. 
• for long ramblings that make no sense.

so, because I have recently found a liking for journal writing, I have neglected blogging, in a way. sure, I would post in the summer, when we would go on vacations or about tennis tournaments. but hardly ever would I post my reflections of the meaning of life anymore. I had a new place for that. lately I haven't been doing very well at this blogging game. it is really time-consuming, and I hardly have any spare time now that I've gotten older. It just isn't the first on my priority list anymore. but because I assume people still read this thing, I will continue playing the blogging game. just not as frequently as I used to, and probably just the same old "what I am doing in my life" posts with pictures to go along with them, because I would love to keep you all updated about how I am doing. but yes, I have finally figured out how to write a journal, and make it fun, in a way. and when I am bored and have nothing to do (usually late at night), I find myself looking back on old journal entries, reminiscing on those good times. and it makes me very happy.

I feel like this post was totally pointless. I just wanted you all to know that I still exist, and I still blog. even though I have found a new passion for journals.

cliché fall pictures.

 

 

 

 

so there is this trend on Instagram which I absolutely love but kinda hate at the same time:

cliche fall pictures.

I love fall. It is my favorite season. it could very possibly beat summer. I love them both for different reasons, but fall. my favorite colors are red and orange, and when the leaves change colors, I find it absolutely gorgeous. fall in Utah is the most beautiful time of the year. to everyone who complains about living in Provo, I can sympathize with you because the winters here are not exactly delightful. (unless you are a skiing fanatic like my brothers.) but really guys, I think that living this close to the mountains makes up for the bitter cold. it's my favorite time of year, when the trees on the mountains start changing. The tennis courts I practice at (not with the team) are in Sherwood Hills, my absolute favorite neighborhood of Provo. it is on the hill above Timpview, and the houses are all very nice, you are as close to the mountains as you can get while still staying in the city, and you have a breathtaking view of the whole city below. I frequently drive around this area because my grandma lives close to it, a lot of my friends live up there, my tennis courts are there, and I just love the view. when I play tennis, the court faces the mountains, and I just love all the different colors on the trees. we are blessed to live in such a beautiful place.

so, every fall, every girl in Provo gets the same idea: let's go up to Provo Canyon and take pictures! so they gather up all their friends and do a photoshoot of them in their new fall outfits, usually oversized sweaters and leather boots, and they take pictures together, all smiles. and then, as soon as they get home, they all post their pictures with some caption as simple as "I love fall!" with some leaf emojis. everyday, my news feed is filled with these cliche fall pictures. and I can't complain, but there is just so many of them. and a few days after the first picture from the photoshoot is posted, the girl decides it is "too old", and posts another from the photoshoot.

I admit, I am guilty. we all know I love fall, and it is just so pretty, why wouldn't I do a photoshoot? I didn't go up to the canyon, but I found a nice little place to get my pictures done. my lovely friend Bailey from digital photo took several amazing photos on a real camera (not an iPhone like most of these cliche fall photos are taken on; and I have nothing against that. I actually do that myself), and these ones I have posted aren't even 1/4 of the ones we took. these are just my absolute favorites. and our friend Libby from tennis also came along and helped me with my poses and fixed my hair. and they all turned out amazing. so yes, of course, i get home, wait for Bailey to send me the pictures, and I finally cracked and got on Instagram and posted a cliche fall photo. I did one. yes, I did. and you know what? I don't care. because like many other girls in Provo, I love fall. and I love taking pictures. so really, I shouldn't complain.

on a side note: our varsity tennis team won STATE CHAMPS!!!!!!!!! for the first time in 12 years. we won state. I can't believe it, but at the same time, I am not surprised at all. we have some really amazing girls on our team, and Kate Cusick, our 1st singles player who happens to be in my grade, won the entire thing herself. not only did our team win state, but Kate won individual as well. even though I didn't play, I am just so so so so so happy. Our tennis season has been the best tennis season I've had (the only tennis season I've had with Timpview), and I have had so many good times. We had a banquet on Tuesday that was about 2 1/2 hours long. and each girl has done amazing this season, and I love every one of them.

 Emmaline, me, and Gabby. I only wish I was tall.

Megan, my cute doubles partner at Region. I just love this girl so much. for fall break, she went to Hawaii and got us matching bracelets. she is the sweetest, and she just loves to play tennis and is always happy to be at practices, and I just love that. she just always makes my days. and yes, I am older. I'm almost 16, and she's 14. and there isn't any hope for me. I haven't grown since I was 13.

well folks, I gotta do some end of term homework. wish me luck. have a great day, and I have just been so so so so so so happy. life is good. so good. so good.

tennis REGION tournament

1. it seriously can't be October already. October is my favorite month, but really. this year's gone by wayyyyy too fast.
2. it is getting colder and I think we skipped this nice fall weather we are supposed to have because it's been raining and snowing ever since October came around. except today I did play some tennis with my mom and it was actually not cold.
3. I got my braces off. I don't really have any "before" pictures with my braces. mostly because they were bad. and most of the friends I have now, I met either in 8th grade or my freshman year, so they wouldn't even know what I looked like before the braces came. but after our relationship of 2 1/2 years, we finally broke up and they're gone.

4. Not too long after the braces came off, Wesley turned 13. What the heck. We have 2 teenagers in the house now. Wes is enjoying junior high. he isn't going to Centennial like I did or like Justin will in 2 years. Instead, he is doing a gifted and talented program at Provo High School with other gifted kiddos and they take advanced classes that aren't even available at Centennial. Personally, I would die, being at Provo High School (Timpview's biggest rival) with high schoolers and a bad football team and no friends and only gifted kids and high school homework and riding the bus everyday. but Wes is having a great time, because all his friends go there that he knew at CAS, the gifted and talented elementary school he attended. He likes his classes and is the only 7th grader in the high school play! they are doing Seussical, which is what I did at Centennial! he is a jungle animal and he is having lots of fun with it. he is also learning French Horn with the band and it sounds like a dying elephant.

picture from the summer. I still had my braces on. obviously. this kiddo keeps getting taller.

5. tennis season ended. I have a lot more time for homework and things. but am I happy that it's done? I don't think I am. (told you this post would lead up to tennis.)

I had a bit of a rough start to the season. I started out tryouts well, but it got more difficult along the way. the first 2 matches I played were doubles matches, and I was able to win one of them. that gave me some confidence for the rest of the season. I was doing really well at practice, but then I pulled a muscle in my right wrist, and I had to take some time off practice so it wouldn't get worse. then, I came back and I started to improve. I was actually doing really well. but I wasn't exactly winning my matches. in fact, I hadn't won any of my singles matches, even though I played really well. What usually happened was that my opponent and I would both kind of take turns winning and losing, but at the end, they were the harder fighter. it didn't bother me too much at first, because I knew I was doing everything right. all my serves were going in, I hit hard, I had topspin, my backhand soon became better than my forehand. but there was just one thing that I couldn't do right: winning. none of my losses were really bad. most of the time, I lost by 6-8 which is the closest you can get without having to go into a tiebreaker. but even though I knew that I was doing really well, I wanted to win. I was sick of losing all the time. 

at one of my home matches, I was having a horrible day. I had just lost to Springville the day before (again, it was 6-8, and one of the best matches I ever played), my classes were getting harder, both girl and boy drama was going on, and my very best friend and I weren't speaking with each other. some of my really good friends had tried to cheer me up, and I was happy for the time being, but that didn't last long. I didn't come with the mindset to play tennis, and there was a lot going on earlier that day and some of my teammates asked me what was wrong, and me being a total girl, just lost it, fell apart, and started crying in front of most of the team. the girls were all being really nice to me and encouraged me, telling me that I would do great in my match. I tried to think positive. I started off the match really well, but in the end, I was demolished. by a freshman. I don't even want to say the score. but I got really frustrated and nearly broke my racket. after that bad match, I knew I needed to get my act together and shape it up for regionals. 

but guess what. a lot more girls wanted to play singles, so all the JV singles players did challenge matches. I didn't win enough of them to get me a spot in singles. which means the one word I hate: doubles. I would finish out the tennis season that I had worked really hard at, playing doubles. not singles. and was I happy about this? you figure that out for yourself. my doubles partner and I had warmed up together, and played against each other, and I won every time. but we had never really had the chance to work together as a team. and I wanted to practice doing that with her, but our schedules just didn't work out that way. so was I terrified for regionals? OF COURSE I WAS. I, previously 3rd JV Singles who was much better than my record showed, a very inexperienced doubles player, would be playing doubles for the most important tournament of the season. what some people don't understand is that singles is very different than doubles. depending on the player, it can be harder or easier. for me, I like having the whole court to myself and not having to depend on someone else to hit shots on the other side of the court. there's a lot more shots you can take, and it's easier to score a point because you only have 1 opponent. dubs players disagree and say it's harder to cover the entire court yourself, and it's nicer to have a partner that can get to the shots that you can't. but for me, I can't just a passing cross-court shot and win the point, because there would be another player at that spot. I can't put it away at the net either, because there's a net player. and it's a lot more devastating to lose, because part of it isn't even your fault. you have a partner. That is a big change to adjust to, and I just didn't have enough time. but my partner, Megan, has been playing doubles for most of the season, and it suits her better than singles. so she was much more experienced at doubles than I was, and more comfortable. so that made me feel a little bit better. and her personality is just a lot more easygoing and relaxed, so when she loses, it's no big deal for her. she just accepts it, and life goes on. for me, I can only accept defeat if I feel like I played my best. if I didn't play my best, it's harder to accept. 

On Thursday, it was raining. and Megan and I played our first doubles match together as a team. it was clear that our opponents had experience as a partnership. Megan and I did not. Both of us weren't going for shots because we thought the other person would. it wasn't because we were bad players; it was because we just hadn't worked together before. but I was really frustrated, and as the game went on, I lost my form and hit it out, and I double faulted my serve (which rarely happens). finally, we had lost, 3-8. so I try to hide the fact that I could smash 10 rackets, shake my opponents hands, and tell them how well they did. Then, I just walk off, and try not to cry in front of my partner. as soon as I find my mom, I just start crying. not because I was mad at my partner. but because I was mad at myself. Like I said, losing doubles is a lot more devastating than losing singles. I had about an hour between my next match, so that gave me time to calm down. I talked with my mom and my other teammates, and I felt better. soon enough, Megan and I walked back on the tennis courts, this time with a lot more confidence.

I had played both the girls on the opposing team in singles matches with the city league over the summer, and had beaten one of them. with the experience of playing them before, I knew what their strengths and weaknesses were. and both Megan and I were doing 100 times better than we did in the first match. like Meg said, we just hadn't had the experience together, and it would be better the second time. both of us were going for more shots, and we kept our form and hit less into the net. the other girls would get frustrated, and hit the ball into the net. as a singles player, I didn't have to go into the net very often. but in this match, I was constantly at the net, smashing the ball at their feet. (so was Meg when it was her turn up at the net.) my backhand slices were coming back. I never double faulted. we still lost, but were we upset at all? NO. both of us had played our very best, and we made our comebacks. I had never been so proud of myself or my partner this entire season. that was the best we had ever played. so what if we lost? to me, as I said earlier, it matters more if I play well, than the final score. 

that was our last match of the Timpview Girls JV Tennis Season. Varsity won their region tournament, and will be playing in state this week. part of me wishes that I was there too, but who cares. the last match was amazing. I have become a much better player than I was at the beginning of the summer. I am not even the same person. even though I'm not exactly proud of my individual record, I know that I played my best, and I played really well. I have made soooooo many friends with all the girls on the team, and I am so glad to have such a good relationship with them. they are all very nice, and I would always look forward to practices and matches and working with them. I am so sad the season is over! I don't know what I will do for the rest of the year! Nothing to look forward to after school! But I will continue practicing every day with my mom or find some friends that will play with me. I already can't wait for next season. I want it to be as good, if not better, as this season!

 in between matches at Springville. Gabby (top right hand corner) looks like an alien. and the way I am looking at Emmaline just isn't okay.

 None of us look good here. BACK ROW: Vanessa, Libby, Annie, and Gabby. FRONT ROW: Lauren, Emmaline, and me.

 Emmaline wanted to send a group snapchat to everyone. (probably becasue she's the only one who looks good in it.) 2 seconds later, Annie's granola bar fell out of her mouth and into my hair. very nice of her. and the Mmeerrmiiee came from Merm, which came from my Jackson who is my favorite person, and until tennis, he was the only one who called me that. but I guess the nickname spread to the whole tennis team, and everyone calls me that. and I love it.

 Megan and me after our second match at regionals! believe it  or not, she's the freshman and I'm the sophomore. we did really well!

 and what is a tennis match without awkward racket poses?

Nothing can explain my love for tennis. even though "love" means "zero" in tennis. I just love tennis, ok? It is a major part of my life that I don't know what I would do without.