change.

last year, I was a wee freshman. anxious to turn 15, because to me, that seemed extremely grown up.
I could start learning to drive, I could get a later curfew, it just seemed...older and more impressive.
I wouldn't get any taller. I still couldn't date. and the homework would only multiply.
but I was just very anxious to grow up.
one of my closest friends was a sophomore. and while there was only 1 year in our age difference, he just seemed so much....older. he had a car, he could date, he seemed like he was always enjoying himself. and I thought to myself, I want my life to be that exciting. 
most of my sophomore year so far has been spent anxious to turn 16. I was so much closer to going to dances, going on dates, and driving. sometimes I really hate having to ask my friends for rides all the time. I was enjoying playing on the tennis team, going to football games with friends, and having so many good times. sure, there was homework. but I didn't stress too much.
then, all the teachers decided to drop a boatload of homework on all the students, in every class. projects, assignments, tests. all which would affect my grade. I felt like school was more about getting a good grade, than learning about things.
and as we get older, we change. our friendships change. we aren't the same people we were last year.
I have made so many new friends this year, and kept some old ones, and lost a few. and sometimes, it's hard to watch other people grow up. some of my really close friends I had last year, I'm not as close with this year. people get boyfriends and girlfriends, and are so committed to that one person. and they seem so happy, being with this one person. they laugh together, hold hands, and are on the list of the "cutest couples" in the school. but they spend so much time with this one person, that they don't spend as much time with other people. they just don't realize all they have left behind, by starting a new commitment. and as happy as it makes me to see my friends so happy all the time, it makes me sad in a way. I've watched it happen to my friends, both boys and girls. and to think that maybe one day, I might be pressured to do the same thing. to pair off at such a young age, when really, I should be branching out and making more friends. because, we're only in high school once. we need to learn as much as we can, and have fun doing it.
and I have learned a lot. I'd much rather not have my friends choose me as their second, third, or even fourth choice. I want to be able to be friends and flirt with boys and not worry about whether or not they already have a girlfriend. I want good grades, but I don't want to be stressed all the time. I'd much rather learn about... knowledge, than how to procrastinate and do all my work at the last minute and to stay sane. but it's all a good learning experience.
now, as I'm getting closer and closer to 16, I still want to drive myself, because I will feel more independent. but I will also feel older. and that scares me. and okay, maybe, maybe, eventually I will find a boyfriend and forget everything I said in this post. but as much as I want to grow up, I just don't. I miss playing tennis everyday. I miss sleeping enough to not constantly zone out at school, due to the lack of sleep the night before. I miss being able to call up my friends anytime to hang out, and not being told "I'm busy with homework" or "I'm with my other friends" or.....yeah.
but we just gotta accept the fact that we grow older every day. and whether we like it or not, everything changes.