ADD...oh wait. what?

one of my biggest pet peeves is when people say, "I'm so ADD right now!"

because, unless you have actually been diagnosed by a doctor, you're not.

ADD/ADHD is a lot more than simply "not being able to concentrate on stuff " or "getting easily distracted." I invite you all (except NO ONE ACTUALLY READS MY BLOG) to read this. the guy who wrote this did 100x better explaining what I deal with 24/7 than I ever could. and it's actually quite funny.  every time someone asks me what it's like to live with ADD, I wish I could show them this. because this guy seriously nailed it.

http://www.tickld.com/x/if-your-friends-ever-say-they-have-adhd-just-show-them-this

and I also found this video. yet another accurate and humorous description of what goes on in the brain. this one is hilarious, but after my brothers watched it, they also claimed they were ADD, so be careful with this one. it is true that some of these behaviors exist in normal people, but they are much more extreme with ADD.

(also, ADD and ADHD are basically the same thing. in my case, I am still restless and impulsive, but not as extreme as some people with the hyperactivity. I don't go running around destroying things impulsively.)

PS. it took me about 20 minutes to write this post because I kept on getting distracted and forgot what I was doing.
PPS. that was not an ADD joke. that really happened.
PPPS. I was actually writing an essay for AP US History when I got distracted, got on Facebook (which I get on at most once a day to check if I have notifications), saw a link to the article, and decided to read it.

10 steps of having good times, most of the time

a lot of people tell me I am a very cheerful person. I'd like to think of myself that way, but sometimes, I slip up and am a real grump. a few of my friends ask me how I manage to stay happy most of the time. truth is, I don't even know myself, but I have a few things I do that have really helped me to be a lot happier than I normally would be this crazy junior year. so, I present you

The 10 Steps of having Good Times, (most of the time)

1. look good. when you look good, you feel good. and yes this means wearing makeup. even if it's just a little mascara, it still makes a huge difference. I know I probably don't look horrible without makeup, but I just feel like it enhances the way I look, and it makes me feel more confident. also, this means actually getting dressed. I know that leggings and sweatshirts are more comfortable than jeans or dresses or anything that requires "pants", and I do wear leggings and sweatshirts myself. but don't do it everyday. those outfits make me feel comfortable, but knowing I took the time to get myself dressed and look cute makes me feel a lot more confident and ready for my day. one of my friends asked me why I always look cute, and I said, "I just want to. looking good makes me feel good!"

2. don't eat a ton of crap. carrots don't taste like peanut butter chocolate chip cookies, and I think everyone knows that I would definitely prefer the latter. but eating junk food all the time doesn't make you feel good, and therefore, it doesn't make you happy. I'm not saying abandon it completely. It's something I would never be able to do. but cutting back and eating healthier just makes you feel good! so, do it.

3. make someone's day, every day. it's just a nice thing to do. give someone a genuine compliment. you have no idea how much it can make someone's day. I've had those rough days where I come to school with really wet hair and got 5 hours of sleep, and someone has given me a compliment, and it just makes the day a whole lot better. try it! (but don't give the same people the same compliments every day, because eventually, they might start to question your sincerity.) but if you compliment at least one person or do something else to make their day, just watch their reaction. I guarantee your day will be made as well!

4. develop passions and talents. I have played piano for 9-10 years, and it took a while before I decided I was really passionate about it. I had to switch teachers a few times and find songs that I truly enjoyed to play, and once I did that, I was hooked. a really musically talented friend of mine helped me push myself more and have real goals of where I wanted to be. I started practicing for longer, and I made it a routine. I finally found my passion after playing for about 7 years. they don't just come to you though. you have to work on them, but in the end, knowing that all that hard work has paid off is truly one of the greatest feelings. for you, it doesn't have to be piano. it can be art, a sport, cooking, anything, really. (as long as it isn't watching TV or doing drugs. those require no talent.)

5. exercise. for me, this is easy because going back to step 4, tennis is one of my biggest passions. whenever it is possible, I make my mom or a friend go down to the court with me and hit with me. not only am I getting exercise doing it, but I am also improving my talents, forming close friendships, and doing what I love to do! sometimes, I hate early morning conditions. but I still go to them, because the results will make me feel good in the end and I will be happier. in the winter, it is a lot harder for me because indoor courts are not available on demand. on those days, I just go to the gym and run on the treadmill. it definitely isn't the same thing, but I am getting some form of exercise, and that helps my wintertime depression in ways I never thought it would. finding motivation to exercise may not be the easiest, but make yourself do it. I promise. it's so good for you.

6. do what you want. because why would we waste our time doing what we don't want to do? (except for homework. for the sake of your grades and getting into college, do that.) I have an interesting story to go along with this. Sweethearts was last week, on Valentines Day. I didn't get asked to that dance, and I already knew who I wanted to ask to MORP, which is 3 weeks after. so, on the Monday before Sweethearts, I went ahead and asked! It is an unspoken social norm not to ask to a dance before another dance is over. well, I broke that rule. why? because I knew who I wanted to ask! did I care that my date has a girlfriend? well, maybe I did, but she's really nice. did that stop me from asking? NO! a few girls were not too happy that I broke 2 unspoken rules, and asked me "why did you ask so early? sweethearts hasn't even happened!" or "why did you ask him? he has a girlfriend!" well, it's because I knew I wanted to ask him, so I freaking did it! and did I care what people thought? no! and did he answer me 3 days later (still 2 days before Sweethearts)? you bet he did! so, this just proves that doing what you want makes you happy, and don't you ever let anyone stop you!

7. be confident! this is harder for some people, but I found that when I am confident in myself, I am a lot happier and it makes it easier for me to be nice to others. it's that simple. it's harder to be nice to people if you aren't nice to yourself! so, be nice to yourself. be confident. don't be too cocky, because you might come off the wrong way. but please, don't get down on yourself! just tell yourself, "I got this." and you will find that you do!

8. know that it's okay not to be happy all the time. some days, I just lose it. school is hard. friends are hard. there's no food in the house. it's cold outside. and in that case, it's okay to be sad. it's okay to cry. don't worry that you aren't being happy all the time. I'm definitely not that way! and yes, it's okay to have a bad week. that's happened to me. but remember, it's just a bad day. not a bad life!

9. don't care so much about what others think. because chances are, if you think they think a certain way, they are probably not even thinking about you at all! and if they judge you based on stupid things, they aren't worth your time. you're too good for that.

10. enjoy the good times. make them memorable. make the most out of them. enjoy them.

hope this helps.

is this the real life...or is this just Fantasie?

I'm not really good at this whole blogging game anymore because junior year happened. and as far as I know, no one even reads my blog anymore. but for those that do, I thought I might humor you with an embarrassing story.

so, last Saturday, I have this piano recital, and I'm supposed to be playing this song- Fantasie Impromptu by Chopin. I have wanted to learn this song for a loooong time. about 2 years ago, one of my really good friends played it for me and I was amazed at how good he was, and I told myself, "someday, I will be this good and I will learn this." well, in November, I finished off my crazy huge sonata festival (where I played this song, Moonlight Sonata, movement 3. all 15 pages), and finally, I could prepare for my 19th century recital, and of course, after playing all 15 pages of the 3rd movement of Moonlight Sonata, I feel like I can play anything. so, I choose Fantasie Impromptu. and it's not an easy song. It required long, slow practices with the metronome, drilling the same measures for hours, painful wrist tension, learning when to lift the pedal, balance and articulation, dynamics, and playing with expression. if a deaf person watched me play, they wouldn't think I was very good unless they watched the movement in my fingers. I am not one of those people who moves their entire body with the music. my passion lies in my fingers only, not everything else. I just can't subconsciously do that. but I've been trying to look more passionate when I play.  so, add all that stuff up and it's a lot to work on. I wanted to get it perfect, so I'd practice an hour-an hour and a half every day, just on that song. (now, I know that more dedicated pianists practice at least 2 hours. I just don't have the time or patience to do that. but I'm doing my best.)

but finally, the day of my recital, I feel really confident and I can play through the song almost perfectly. I'm not too worried because it's not a competition and I'm not getting judged. I'm not too nervous. I'm listed second to last on the program, so I let all these kids go before me, and I'm doing okay. But as soon as I walk up there, the nerves hit me. at my last recital (which was a competition), I had to start over but after that I played well. I didn't want to do it this time. So, I'm sitting at the bench, thinking through my song...or that's what I'm supposed to be doing. I just go and jump in and start playing, and already on the 4th measure, I can't play. I screw up a run, and decide to start again. my goal was not to start over. but I guess I can do it once. but I have the same problem. same spot. I can't get past that one spot. so, without thinking, I just run off the stage and tell the last girl to go. everyone's staring at me and that makes me feel worse. I sit with my parents and they don't say anything, except my dad says, "if you want to go up after she's done, then you should. but I won't force you to do this one." which my dad is never like this. usually, he makes me push through everything. if I'm feeling sick, he claims it's all in my head and that I need to be mentally tough. if I say I'm going to do something, I'm not allowed to back out. but I could tell he felt really bad, which made me feel better but also made me feel almost worse, in a way.

well, I thought about it the whole time the last girl was playing. I worked so hard to get to this moment, and why back out after all that? I already messed up pretty bad and started over twice and gave up. but I wasn't going to leave the recital hall without playing my song. and I wouldn't start over again.

so the last girl finishes, and I walk back up, sit down, actually think about what I'm about to do, and once I'm ready, I start playing. and I am actually doing pretty well. I'm still really nervous, so I'm not playing nearly as well as I do on my own, but considering the fact that I'm under a lot of pressure, it's going okay. but right as I'm about to get to the slow part, I look down at the keys and see that there's blood all over them. and then I notice, my index finger on my right hand, has a hangnail, and it just happened to start bleeding.

THERE IS BLOOD.
ON THE PIANO.
just when you think it can't get any worse, IT DOES.

well, I've already started over twice and let another girl go in front of me, so I guess I just have to ignore this bloody hangnail. but it's obvious. anyone who was sitting on the front row could tell that I'm bleeding everywhere. and I just have to play through it. I try not to focus on it, but it just made it 500 times harder to play. but I play okay and I just accept that I have to struggle through it. so, I finish, play my final chord, casually wipe my finger off, and stand up and take my bow.
and EVERYONE IS CLAPPING.
well, what do I do now? I just run straight to my teacher and say, "I have a hangnail on my right hand and it started bleeding while I was playing... don't let anyone near the piano. um.... sorry about that." and she says, "it's okay, you played through it, and you played beautifully." and a bunch of moms came up to me and said that they have heard me at other recitals and master classes, and that I'm a very accomplished pianist and that they are impressed that even though I got hit by some weird case of nerves and my FREAKING FINGER STARTED TO BLEED, I pushed through it and played really well. I guess that made me feel a little better. but to me, I just felt like a failure. I thought it was going to be amazing, I would play through it perfectly, and not get a bloody hangnail. so, I just beat myself up the whole way home and cry about how bad I am and that these people don't know everything.

but eventually, that evening, I recovered. I was at a party in Park City with a ton of my friends, and they asked how my day was, and I told them this story, and I was even able to laugh at myself. because the whole thing now seemed absolutely ridiculous. it was really embarrassing at the time, but I was able to get over myself. and considering the fact that I had a really weird case of nerves and that I was bleeding everywhere, I played really well. and if I had just given up, I would've been really mad at myself for a long time.

so, next time you have a recital or concert or game or anything, just think, "at least I don't have a bloody hangnail." and even if you do, just push through it. it's hard to ignore this stuff, but I pushed through it. and I'm just proud of myself for doing that. and who knows, it makes for a good story to tell at parties.