SERVING others, or just serving myself?

ever since the beginning of high school, I have always wanted to be on student government. I thought it looked really fun, you got to plan things, everyone seemed like they were always having a good time, and you were recognized by the school for doing good things. I love being in charge of things, and I thought that if I was on student government, I would use my genius ideas to make the school a better place. I thought I had all the qualities of a typical, cookie-cutter student government kid: I get pretty good grades, I take AP classes, I attend all football and basketball games, I don't regularly sluff class, my attendance is pretty good, I'm social, I'm outgoing, I am a natural-born leader, I like to take charge, I'm organized, and I'm pretty well-liked. The student government advisors have both been my history teachers, and I love both of them. One of them even let me TA for her this year. So, I thought I was in pretty good shape.
my original plan was to run for Social VP, the person who plans the dances. I admit, I didn't have a lot of experience with dances. I had never been asked to a boys choice dance, and the 3 girls choice ones I had been to, I loved them. I had so many ideas of how to make them better, though. I talked to the current social VP and asked if I would be well-suited, but she said, "if you even want to think about tennis next year, please go for a smaller position. it's a lot of work, and you would never miss practice to plan an assembly." so I decided to go for Northeast Justice. at my school, justices and senates are based on a mock-government; you run based on where you live. there are 2 senates for each area, a boy and a girl, and one justice per area. Justices are in charge of upcoming elections and other things. well, the majority of people who like to run for student government also live in the northeast area of the Timpview boundaries. so, I knew i was in for some competition. but that didn't stop me.
so, in order to run for student gov, you need to complete 5 hours of service and attend 5 activities from february to march 20. I went to every basketball game, orchestra concert, softball game, and boys tennis match that I could during that time. I also joined junior council, a committee of juniors who do my dream job, which is PLAN PROM! they wanted a "city" theme, and in the back of my mind, I got an amazing idea:
A NIGHT IN NEW YORK.
the advisors liked it, the junior council presidency liked it, and BOOM.
my idea became the actual legit theme for Prom.
so that meant I would help out a lot with the decorations and stuff.
(a few weeks later, it got even better. I got asked by one of the nicest, most attractive boys in my grade. I've had so many girls tell me, "I wish that was my date!" anyhow, I'm getting off subject.)
so, I was approved to run after that. but I needed a good campaign.
a lot of people wanted me to use a castle/princess theme, but I just thought that made me look soft and feminine, which is not the most accurate description of me. and my original idea, "don't be an (something that rhymes with Castle), vote Miriam Castle!" wasn't school appropriate. so, I called up one of my friends, and we took these pictures.

 "she's #1"

so, most of these pictures were turned into some sweet looking posters, none of which are saved on my computer. but most of them said "SERVING you as Northeast Justice- vote Miriam Castle". so of course, I had to put some tennis humor in there. my friend who usually takes my pictures moved to Highland, but she still agreed to take my pictures and let me borrow her Disneyland crown (there is no way I was going to use the Castle theme seriously. the most I would do was wear the crown). a lot of people complimented me on my posters.
but WAIT.
one of my opponents was one of my very own teammates. I admit, I did not want her to win. I mean, last time I played her in tennis, she beat me. so, maybe this could've been my revenge. but we were friendly with each other and never trash-talked. but it wasn't what I wanted to do, run against my teammate and friend.
OH, and a sophomore boy was also running against us. both juniors and seniors can be elected as justices, so I had to worry about 2 people now.

but I thought I had a lot of support.
I guess the sophomore boy had more though. (and his campaign was also really good.)
what I think happened, was my friend and I split the junior vote, and the sophomore boy got all the sophomore votes, which makes sense. and in a way, I felt a bit better because I didn't like running against my friend and teammate. I didn't want to beat her, but I didn't want her to beat me, either.
but I lost. and I don't like losing. a lot of my friends made it on, including my prom date. but not all hope was lost. there were still 9 appointed positions. you had to interview for them, and they were tough, but of course, because I thought I was qualified, I could be one of the 9 people......out of around 30.
(my interview even went really well!!)

and of course. you can already tell, I didn't get it. at first, I'm just telling myself "why, you were so qualified to this!" and then "I suck I suck I suck I suck I suck" and then finally, I realized that if I was the one choosing people, then I would look at someone like me and notice there are a lot of good qualities, but also a few flaws. like:
1. I am blunt and honest and straight-forward. some people really like this quality, and in some situations, it is very good. but say, you are on a planning committee with others, and you don't like their idea, and if you're anything like me, you skip all the sugar coating and straight-up say, "this sucks." not appropriate for student government. I really try not to do this, but sometimes, I have no filter and I worry less about pleasing everyone and making them feel good and more about getting what I want.
2. I am a bit sassy. Again, I really try not to do this. But at the wrong moments, I come across as rude. Is this good for student government? Not necessarily.
3. I really hate to admit this, but sometimes, I take the role of being in charge too seriously.

and YES I JUST ADMITTED MY SHORTCOMINGS. that is a hard thing for me to do. really, it is. I had never even considered them until after I lost. am I happy? not really. did a lot of my friends (and my prom date) make it on, and I didn't? definitely.
but, is this a learning experience? of course.
and can I use this to become a better person in the future? dang right, I can.

some things, I feel like I just can't change about myself. truthfully, I will always be an honest, straight-forward person. but I'm working on not saying what I'm thinking all the time. and I'm trying not to make everything about me. I did genuinely want to help out my school and make friends and be involved. I do have good intentions, but sometimes, I think more about what I want and have a difficult time agreeing with others.

and really, the fact that I actually put myself out there and ran for something, that is an amazing thing itself. it was so dang scary.

I should probably be reading The Grapes of Wrath right now, so I'm gonna end this here.
goodnight.