then again, it's not as bad as we think it is.

this year, as we know, a lot of things have happened that have not been in my favor. you have heard about me not making acappella choir and the whole issue surrounding my placement on the tennis team. and after a few weeks, tennis started to go really well. I got to play in a lot more matches than I expected to. so that was looking up. I became really close to the team, I had good friends, and school was hard but it was manageable. but there were other things going on that made it hard for me to focus on the good things.
that one thing was homecoming.
last year, I was nominated as sophomore homecoming princess, and it was truly one of the best days of my life. that day, I remember thinking, this is the most amazing thing, but next year I will be able to spend it on a date. I can't wait! I knew it was possible for girls to not get asked, but I never thought of myself as one in that category. I was outgoing, I had a lot of friends, I was good at talking to people, and I really don't know how to say this without bragging, but I'm not too bad looking. Except for my awkward phase that lasted throughout middle school, I never really thought of myself as an ugly person. and I guess other people didn't, either. I was already confident with my appearance, and when people constantly tell you, "Miriam, you're so pretty!" or "you dress so cute!" or "your eyes/hair/nose/whatever is gorgeous!", it's hard not to believe it. I'm not saying I let it get to my head, but it is true that boys do prefer to take girls who are good looking. so, I thought out of the 1,000 boys who go to my school, (the 500 being able to go to the dance), at least one of them would ask me.
well, the first day of school came and went, and girls were already getting asked. I wasn't too worried, and thought, they will ask me later! pretty soon, all of my friends started to get asked, and they would ask me, "have you been asked yet?" i would just smile and say, "no, not yet!" and they would assure me, "well, you will get asked soon! you're too pretty not to! boys love you!" and I believed it.
but pretty soon, all my friends had been asked, and I still hadn't. I would be talking to my friends who were boys, and because I was curious, I would ask them if they had asked anyone yet. all of them replied, "yeah! have you been asked?" or worse, "who asked you?"
"uh, no one."
"that's ok! everyone loves you, and you're too pretty not to get asked! of course someone will ask you!"
and my natural response would'be been to say, then why didn't YOU ask me? but of course, I just remained cheerful and said, "thanks!" but it was getting harder everyday. everytime one of my friends would mention homecoming, I just felt myself getting angrier and angrier. I really was excited for them to go, and I really did want to know what they were doing for their date, but it was really hard for me to share that excitement. It made me feel more and more left out as the day came nearer and nearer. I couldn't stop asking myself why I hadn't been asked yet.
one day, I was talking to one of my really good friends (who has a girlfriend, so of course, he asked her). and he said, "well, the reason you haven't been asked yet is because you're just too intimidating! Miriam, you are very talented, you're funny, you're smart, people would have a good time with you, and you're very pretty. guys love you! but they're just scared to ask you, because you're so intimidating! they're worried that someone else will ask you first, so they just ask someone else instead." well, that was the nicest thing anyone has said to try to make me feel better. and this friend is quite talented and intimidating himself, so I trusted him a bit more. and it is hard to ask people, so I can understand that. but I didn't want to go around telling people, "I haven't been asked yet because I'm too intimidating!" and even though he made me feel better, it didn't change the fact that I hadn't been asked.
finally, I just decided to accept the fact that I would probably not be going to homecoming unless a miracle happened, and that I would have a GOOD TIME that day, even with most of my friends out partying. (I said most.) so, I got this brilliant idea to spend the day with my best friend Grace from the tennis team, and our other best friend Kate. both of them were sophomores, and wouldn't be able to go anyway. so, we made some plans to make this day the best day ever for me. and after we made plans, I was a lot happier. instead of dreading homecoming, I looked forward to it. I would go to lunch with 2 of my best friends, and we would see a movie and talk and drive around and listen to good music all afternoon. besides, with tennis and homework, I never really had any time to do girl things. and I was able to be cheerful when people would ask me, "so what are you doing instead of Homecoming?" after talking about their plans. It was a lot easier for me to listen to my friends and be excited for them, knowing that I would be having a fun time too, even if it wasn't on a date.
the day came and went. me, Kate, and Grace had a great time eating at Kneaders, watching Maze Runner (it is better than the book! I definitely recommend it), and having a good time together. none of us mentioned Homecoming, and we just focused on other things. it was the happiest I'd been for a long time. I came home in a really good mood, and even though I would have loved to go, I still made the best of it.
I'm not saying that I'm okay with not getting asked to every dance. it really is not fun, and it does suck when everyone's talking about it, and you have to politely listen. and everytime someone told me, "well, dances aren't everything", I wanted to shoot them. but if we are able to make the best out of our situations, then it really isn't as bad as we think it is. it's natural to worry about why things happen to us, but in reality, there is no reason. maybe boys just wanted to take someone else, or maybe they don't have the guts to ask. (like a lot of my friends don't have the guts when it comes to girls choice dances.) or, maybe you are intimidating (which is a good and a bad thing). but instead of trying to think about the why, it's a lot better (and harder, too!) to accept that not everything happens in our favor, and even though we wish it could've worked out differently, we can make the best out of it and still end up having a good time. it's a lot easier said than done, but it is possible!

I feel like I just bore my testimony. I hope that wasn't too preachy. I'm just trying to express my true feelings without going into huge rants.

TENNIS UPDATE: I had region on Friday, and I played really well! my first match I was losing 2-6, and I came back and tied it 6-6! both my opponent and I played really well, and I never double faulted once. when it got to 6-7, we were in deuce. we were playing no-ad, meaning you only had one shot. If I would've won, it would've been tied, 7-7 and we would keep going until one of us won 9-7, or we would enter a tiebreaker at 8-8. but she sent me to the net and hit a passing shot over my head, and there is no way I could've returned it. and I do have to give her credit for that. that is a very good shot. I actually wasn't bummed that I lost, because I was able to make a comeback and I played my very best.
my second match started out good, but my opponent had the comeback this time. we both fought long and hard, and eventually went into a tiebreaker, which she won. tiebreakers are always very frustrating for me, and I have never been able to win one in a match. (YET. I'm working on that.) but even though I lost, I am proud to say that I played my best, and that both my matches were very close, and if I had won, I would've had to stay for a loooooong time. so again, things aren't as bad as we think they are. at first, I didn't even know if I would get to play in matches, let alone region, because I was a JV Alternate. but I ended up playing a lot of matches, and I won some and lost some, but I improved a lot since last season. I did better mentally as well, and didn't self-destruct when things weren't going the way I wanted them to. and I even made it to region, and played really well. so, things may not be the way we want, but in reality, they aren't as bad as they think they are.