2 months.

today marks the 2 month anniversiary of being in Tokyo. I can't believe it myself. 2 months ago, I got dragged out of bed and ate my last piece of apple strudel toast from Costco (first thing I'm eatin when I come back!) 2 months ago, I packed my suitcase and my backpack with what would be my life for the next 4 months. 2 months ago, I hopped in the car (I promised my parents I wouldn't cry if they would let me bring Up All Night by One Direction in the car, which worked), and drove to the Salt Lake airport. 2 months ago, I boarded that airplane, saying goodbye to everything I knew. That plane landed in a foreign place, and I stepped off, hopelessly confused. Stepped onto the train, and later the subway, again, hopelessly confused. Got lost in the station. Climbed the stairs of death. Dragged my luggage up the hill of death to our teeny apartment that is my temporary home.

through all the culture shock, the homesickness, the tears, the change, the struggles, the lack of independence, the moments when you just want to scream and give up and go back on that airplane, the loneliness, to think that I've survived all this is a miracle. and I'm still struggling. but so much has changed. I've grown closer to my brothers. I've tried new foods. I ate an entire meal with chopsticks! (I'd rather use spoons.) I've learned how to count and ask where the bathroom is and get on the subway and go to the store and........basically, to adapt. there's only 2 more months to go, and I know I'll be able to manage. so.....................yeah.

It's scary to say I've changed. I hate change, and I'm not known for coping well with it. I also hate changing myself. I don't like being told what to do, how to act, how to dress, and most of all, who to be. I'm Miriam Castle. I don't care what anyone thinks or what they say. I've always just lived my own life, carefree, the way that I want. but here in Japan, I have so many restrictions because I'm still not familiar with the language. and my dad has been telling me not to "live life for the moment, because everything else is uncertain." (favorite Louis Tomlinson quote in the world. I live by it) and not to burst out into random singing and not to live out loud. well, that makes me a freaking nobody. he wants me to go along with the Japanese way of living, quiet, under the radar, blending in, not being noticed, and being polite. well, I'm sorry, but I don't live like that. it's, well, boring. but I've toned myself down a bit, just so I don't scare away the Japanese people. so don't worry. I'm not going to come back and lose myself! but yeah. I've changed. just a little

"Changing is for weirdos."
-Niall Horan

When someone says you've changed, it simply means you've stopped living life their way.
-random pinterest quote

"Who could say that I have changed for the better, because I knew you, I have been changed for good."
For Good from Wicked.

I honestly don't know which change quote suits me at the moment. probably Niall's. it's weird, how there's so many different aspects of change. well, I am hungry. and there's no food in the house. and it's raining. have a legit day.