In case you don't receive our Christmas card..

..well, even if you do get our Christmas card, this one will be a little bit different because it is written by me, and not my mother, who spent 90% of the Christmas card talking about England and New York, and just 10% about what each person was actually doing. (why did I get kicked out from my position of Castle Christmas card writer? I don't know.) Here is the deluxe version, written by Miriam Castle, complete with more pictures and special links to every vacation picture you need to see.

well, if anyone even reads my blog, you already know that we went to England in the spring, and that we had an amazing time. It has been my favorite vacation I have ever taken. Pretty much the beginning of the year was spent preparing for this vacation. And the timing was perfect, because in AP World History, I was in the Europe unit, so in class, we had just talked about the things I saw in England. It was amazing. Also, the huge AP exam was a month away, and the British museum was a great place to review!

We also went to New York and Philadelphia and other places in the summer. Which also was perfect timing, because it was some great summer preparation for AP US History! (If you haven't guessed by now, I'm really liking these AP history classes.) If you want to read more about what we did, click on the wonderful link. I guess 2014 was our lucky traveling year. Dad had wanted to take the family to these places for a long time, and I guess for 16 years, he put it off, but he figured, since I move out in a year and a half(!!!), we better get it done while we can, and it is amazing how my 2 dream vacations happened in the same year. who knows where we'll be going next!

so, now on to the family. all the important stuff my mom left out. now, do we start with the parents or with the oldest child? I don't remember how these work. I'll start with myself.

Miriam (aka me): almost 17, junior. 2014 was an important year for me. I turned 16 in January, and all of a sudden, my life began. I could drive, I could date! the first place I drove myself was to Cafe Rio to eat a celebratory pork burrito. not too long after that, I became the family chauffeur. Almost a year later, I still haven't had any car accidents and have enjoyed the freedom of driving to school and taking friends to lunch and being more "social" this year. I still take piano lessons, and had the chance to play "First Arabesque" by Debussy at Howard Castle in England! In addition, I learned all 15 pages to the 3rd movement of "Moonlight Sonata" by Beethoven and performed it in a competition and made it to the finals! I have accompanied for the choir, and in addition to that, I teach lessons as well! I did the summer tennis city league and was almost undefeated (I lost one match, but it went into tiebreaker), did private lessons all summer, and played JV Singles again for the high school team. I sang the National Anthem twice for the school (once for a volleyball game, and for a basketball game). In addition to all this stuff, I am in 2 AP classes and I'm lucky if I ever get free time! It's a busy life, but I love it.

Wesley: 14, 8th grader who thinks he's in high school. This kid is just about as busy as I am. Wes is enjoying his second year at the gifted program at Provo High School (my rival high school). So, he is in 8th grade, he just takes classes with fellow smart 8th graders at the high school. Who knows where he'll be next year. He has been taking ballroom classes at the school, and he has loved it. He thinks he wants to stay at Provo for high school just to do ballroom, but who knows. we're trying to convince him to go to Timpview with me. He is still taking voice lessons, and always chooses to practice at night while I'm studying. He tried out for the school musical and got a small part as a townsperson. Wesley also played soccer this year and got red carded for slide tackling. He loves mountain biking, playing FIFA, and skiing. Now that ski season is here, no one ever sees him any more!

Justin: almost 12, 6th grade, Mom's favorite. If anyone asked Justin what this year was all about, he'd say, "Sports." Which is what he says every year. He played on his special soccer team with his friends again, and I asked him how many games he lost, and he said, "I don't know. like 3? But remember my last game when I scored 2 goals and one of them was a buzzer beater and it was 14-0?" He has become such a great soccer player, and I love watching him play! He is also doing bantam basketball again, and is a great point guard. He played tennis for the first time this summer on the city league, and he loved it! He and Mom would practice while I was at private lessons, and for his first year, he's pretty good! He can't beat me just yet, but then again, I've beat everyone in my family at least once. He is still taking piano lessons and is getting really good! He also started clarinet and plays in the 6th grade band. He did the ski program with the school in 5th grade, and loved it, and will start snowboarding in January. (You want to know how many times I went skiing this year? Once.) He is always very happy, and can make anyone laugh. Maybe that's why he's Mom's favorite.

 Mom- I'm not stating their ages once they get over 40. In the winter, she took Japanese classes at BYU. Before our vacations, she watched every British history documentary on King Henry VIII. She was a very supportive tennis mom this year, and would play with me every time we got the chance. She has tried to make it to all her kids' activities, which is a hard thing to do. She loves going mountain biking with Dad and Wes, and is still running races. she has only done half marathons this year. In her free time, she drives Dad to work on days I have the car, bakes cookies and other sweet treats, and works in her garden.

Dad- Has been married to Mom for 20 years now. Pretty impressive after having 3 crazy kids. He has been very generous in sharing his car with me since he refuses to buy me my own. It's very convenient since he rides his bike to work from April-November. When he doesn't, he usually agrees to have Mom drive him in the morning and have me pick him up. (I do let him drive at least once a week because I'm nice.) He went to China in the spring for a chemistry conference at some university (I can never remember which), and had some other conference in New Hampshire. He has been doing a lot of chemistry related things at work (well, he is a chemistry professor at BYU). In his free time, he likes mountain biking and watching football, soccer, and basketball. His goal this year is to properly get me ready for the ACT (which is hard considering I'm ADD and only finished 1 section the first time I took it, and he got perfect math scores), and to get Wesley to pass his classes.

Tennis Team Pictures and some nostalgia

tennis season ended almost 2 months ago for me, and about a month and a half ago for varsity. we didn't win the state title like we did last year, but we did win SECOND! which is.....the next best thing! and our doubles team, Megan Austin and Annie Hayward did win state for doubles! I love both those girls so much. Annie is a senior, and has always been one of my best friends. she always talks to everyone and makes them feel like an important part of the team. when I'm having a bad day, I know I can always come to her and she will make me feel better. she is very encouraging to all the players. As for her partner, I sometimes forget Megan is only a freshman because she is one of the best players I have ever met! she is that one player that everyone wants to hate because she's only a freshman and she kicks everyone's butt, but she is one of the most genuine, sweet girls who couldn't be mean if she tried! (I also went on a date with her brother, and I just love their whole family.) I am so glad that she and Annie were able to win state, after all the doubles teams got their partners switched around 320 times!

my season was amazing. i had worked so hard in the summer for tryouts, and I didn't end up making the official JV team, so at first, I was pretty upset. but thankfully, most of the teams were big enough for me to play a match! I won some, and I lost some, but in all of them, I played my best and I think there was only one match where I was really ashamed of myself. coincidentally, the next match I played, I won 8-0!

there were more girls on the team this year than there ever had been before. we got a lot of new, really good freshmen, so that's why my spot wasn't as high as it was before. part of me wanted to hate them because they took my spot, but really, they all deserved it. they have been playing longer than me, and they play better than I do. I'm good, but they're just better. and there's nothing wrong with that, because they win their matches and make our team better as a whole. but I could not hate them, because they are all just so nice and so fun to be around and I became such good friends with all of them. I love how we all get along so well with each other on and off the court. well, unless we are playing each other. I am naturally very competitive, and I don't care if I'm playing my best friend. when I'm in a match, they are no longer my friend. they are my opponent and I will do everything I can to beat them- or try to. I have no mercy. but as soon as the match ends, we shake hands and are friends again and congratulate each other on how well we did!  actually, my friend Kali (our 1st singles player) was telling her cousin that I am very competitive, and her cousin said, "but you seem like the nicest girl!" and Kali said, "as soon as she is in a match, she becomes this aggressive, crazy person who screams and hits hard and has even smashed a racket. but she's so nice off the court. it's crazy." yep, that's me.

in October, we had a team banquet at the school. it was nice because it wasn't at Pizza Factory with their slooooooow service. (they never even brought me my pizza last year.) every family brought food. Mama Castle is famous for her cookies, so of course, that was what I was assigned to bring. my peanut butter chocolate chip cookies, as I have mentioned before, are really popular with the tennis team and cute boys. turns out, they are also very popular with the moms on the tennis team as well! I had to leave early because I had a piano lesson, but while I was there, the seniors presented the players with awards. my award was "The Cookie Master" for obvious reasons. (also, Racket Smasher was already taken.)

finally, last week, Coach sent us our pictures.

 the team. back row: Lauren, Megan, Grace L, Emmaline, Brianna, Rachel, Libby, Kali, Lindsey, Catherine, Mannon, Jen, Annie H, and Kea.

front row: Maude, Sophie, Annie L, Madi, me, Hailey, Kathryn, Mary, Liesel, Sage, Emma, and Grace S.

 full JV team with officials and alternates: Lauren, Sophie, Maude, Grace Larsen, Emmaline, me (I shouldn't even have to say which one I am, because I'm always the shortest one), Annie Lee, Madi, Hailey, Brianna, Emma, Libby, Mary, Kathryn, Grace Shields, Lindsey, Sage, and Kea

 me and Emmaline. last year, she didn't start out as my favorite because Coach kept making us play each other at tryouts, and I just wanted to beat her more than anything else. well, first time I played her, somehow, I did beat her! I was very proud of myself. but the next time I played her, I didn't do as well, and the next time, she beat me 6-1 and 6-0. I was so mad because, I mean, I beat her once, why did I play so bad the next time? but after I got over myself, we became really good friends, and we kept that friendship going after last season ended. this season, she was probably one of my best friends and because we were both singles players, we spend a lot of time at practice together, waited for matches together, and we would give each other pep talks. I loved that. when either of us had a bad match, we would always go to each other, and when we would have a good match, we would congratulate each other. she watched both my matches at region, and was cheering for me, and I just loved that support. so, Coach wanted to document our little friendship at practice.

Sadie Hawkins 2k14 (2nd date of hopefully more to come)

soooooo....remember my first date? well, that was in March.. and I haven't gone on any dates since then. I knew I wouldn't get asked to Prom, didn't expect to not get asked to Homecoming but I didn't, so that left Sadie Hawkins, the next dance. lucky for me, it was girls choice so I could go with whoever I wanted. the dance wasn't until November but a bunch of girls started to ask right after Homecoming, so I was pressured into asking the week after. well, the guy I was going to ask, got asked the day before I was going to ask. and my second choice had been asked twice. so, I needed to think quick before all the boys at Timpview got asked. so that day, I had a quick tennis team council, and they all threw out ideas. someone said to ask Nate on the boys tennis team, and all the other girls agreed. his younger sister Megan is on the team, so I was able to talk to her and figure out the perfect time to come over. I didn't take any pictures, but this is how I asked him: I found 12 old tennis balls, and wrote 1 letter of my name on each ball (first and last). I wrote on a piece of paper, "Nate: it would be SMASHING if you went to Sadie's with me!" and left the tennis balls on his porch. I had to text his sister and make sure I was at the right house. well, about 1 week later, Megan texts me and asks for my address, so I know I'm getting an answer soon. that night, I was working on homework and I completely forgot about getting answered, but then, Justin comes in my room and says, "Miriam, go check the doorstep!" and again I forgot to take a picture, but there was candy on the door, a (Y)ork patty, (E)xtra gum, and (S)kittles- so my answer was YES!
(just think of how sad it would've been if he had said no? (N)erds? (O)rbit gum?)

The dance was in the basement below the auditorium, and the theme was Phantom of the Opera, which is my favorite musical. the dress was famous couples. I had a ton of ideas that would work for other couples, but not for us because of our appearances. I needed to find a blonde dude and a dark haired chick. finally, I decided that Katniss and Peeta would be the best because Nate is blonde and blue eyed, and I have dark hair and I could braid it all cool, and really, all Katniss and Peeta wear is black. so I told Nate and he agreed. (thank goodness he did, because I literally had no other good ideas.) planning the date with Nate was easy, but boy, is it hard to get in a group of girls and try to work together! we all have such different ideas, and we don't agree on anything. I didn't have this problem with Morp because my main issue was finding a group. after I finally found one, they just handed me a plan and it went perfect. but with Sadie's, finding a group was no problem. but planning was. so, first group meeting went unsuccessfully. finally, one week before the date, our group text came up with a plan, and it was a really good one, and it ended up working out great!

for our day date, we did a scavenger hunt at the mall. our group had 8 couples, and we split into groups of 2 couples. we had a long list of things we needed to take pictures of, and it was the funniest thing. I don't have any of the pictures, but we had to get one of us planking on a bench (I'm the only one short enough to fit on that bench), a picture by the Mockingjay poster (which was perfect for me and my date), trying on an orange necktie, trying on red high heels, finding the ugliest prom dress... the 2 funniest were getting a job application and 3 selfies with strangers. the original idea was to send Nate or AJ (my friend Lindsey's date) into Victoria's Secret and film them asking for an application, but they chickened out and sent me inside because I've been in there loads of times (no shame). I came out with the application, and the boys agreed to get their picture taken with it, but that was it. the other funny thing was getting 3 selfies with strangers. Lindsey found an elf, AJ found a 600 pound guy (ok, probably not that heavy), and Nate and AJ found a policeman! our group did not win because we ran out of time, but I'd say we got the funniest pictures.

after the scavenger hunt, we went to Rita's for frozen custard. it was delicious. I was one of the chauffeurs in the group, and there was a BYU football game, so not only did I have to drive 3 people around in the rain, there was also heavy traffic. finally, after several red lights and Nate taking the role as "driving instructor", I was able to get everyone home in time to get ready.

a little more than an hour later, I picked everyone up again and drove to Hailey's house for.....PICTURE TIME!

 throwing up that District 12 sign

"assume your character!" so here's Katniss being serious, and here's Peeta being.... happy. 

 left to right: Matt and Cami as the Great Gatsby people, Seth and Madisen as Zack and Kelly from Saved By The Bell, AJ and Lindsey as The Incredibles, Christian and Liza as that couple from The Walking Dead, Zane and Addy as Dwight and Angela from The Office, Josh and Hailey as Ken and Barbie, Nate and I as Katniss and Peeta, and Abbie and Joe as Jessie and Woody.

again, "assume your character!"

 our "bridesmaid pose"

Cami, Lindsey, Madisen, Liza, Addy, me, Hailey, and Abbie

we went to dinner dressed in our costumes. I was driving Nate, Abbie, and Joe, and we decided that if anyone asks why we are dressed up, we have to use a fake accent and say, "well, in my country, we celebrate Halloween on November 22!" and if they ask where we're from, we just say Canada. no one actually asked that, so we were safe. we had a delicious dinner at California Pizza Kitchen, and I was the rebel of the group because A) I ordered Diet Coke instead of water, and B) I did not order pepperoni like mostly everyone else (*cough cough* my date and all the other boys). we had a great time eating and laughing and talking. out of the 2 dates I've been on, dinner has always been one of my favorite parts because we are all together and we can all talk to each other, and get to know each other better. everyone in my group was so funny, and it was just a great time!

we hopped back in my car and this time, we headed to Timpview for the dance! I loved the Phantom of the Auditorium theme, except it was pretty hot and stuffy down in the basement. we stayed for a little more than an hour, but we had a great time dancing and seeing everyone and their costumes. after we decided we were too hot, I drove back to my house, grabbed a plate of my famous peanut butter cookies that are popular with the tennis team and boys (so a double bonus for Nate!), and we went to Lindsey's to eat treats and play games. my cookies were indeed popular with everyone: boys, girls, the tennis team, and Nate. (3 of the 8 girls, myself included, are on the girls tennis team. and 2 of the boys, my date included, are on the boys team.) after we stuffed ourselves with cookies and hot chocolate, we looked at our scavenger hunt photos. I still think my group won, but that's just my opinion. (which is usually right.) all too soon, it was time for me to drive everyone back home. Joe had taken out my Killers/Coldplay/Red Hot Chili Peppers playlist and found some rap station, and Nate decided that since it was after midnight, it was Sunday and that music wasn't "appropriate" so he and Abbie found us a classical station. (my dad got in the car the next day and immediately changed it to his rock station. I guess he has a different idea of what is Sunday appropriate.) but I seriously had one of the greatest nights of my life, and I don't think we ever stopped laughing. my date was the best date, and he was the perfect Peeta to my Katniss. thanks Nate for the great date! (that rhymed.)

fallfallfallfallllllll

I have no words to say. except my beautiful friend Brittain and I drove up into the canyon this week and she took my pictures. they all turned out perfect. I love fall so much, and I love the way she did the lighting and everything. it was a nice break from all my end-of-term homework and piano practicing and ACT studying. honestly, if you are stressing out because of end of term, just take a friend and go on a drive up the canyon and listen to good music. it is the prettiest. all the leaves have changed, and the mountains are just gorgeous. it is unreal.

also, I love football season and Pumpkin Smash smoothies from Jamba Juice and hot apple cider and pumpkin bread and pumpkin pie and pumpkin everything and Halloween and sweaters and everything.

I've been in a really good mood lately. probably because it's my favorite time of year.

then again, it's not as bad as we think it is.

this year, as we know, a lot of things have happened that have not been in my favor. you have heard about me not making acappella choir and the whole issue surrounding my placement on the tennis team. and after a few weeks, tennis started to go really well. I got to play in a lot more matches than I expected to. so that was looking up. I became really close to the team, I had good friends, and school was hard but it was manageable. but there were other things going on that made it hard for me to focus on the good things.
that one thing was homecoming.
last year, I was nominated as sophomore homecoming princess, and it was truly one of the best days of my life. that day, I remember thinking, this is the most amazing thing, but next year I will be able to spend it on a date. I can't wait! I knew it was possible for girls to not get asked, but I never thought of myself as one in that category. I was outgoing, I had a lot of friends, I was good at talking to people, and I really don't know how to say this without bragging, but I'm not too bad looking. Except for my awkward phase that lasted throughout middle school, I never really thought of myself as an ugly person. and I guess other people didn't, either. I was already confident with my appearance, and when people constantly tell you, "Miriam, you're so pretty!" or "you dress so cute!" or "your eyes/hair/nose/whatever is gorgeous!", it's hard not to believe it. I'm not saying I let it get to my head, but it is true that boys do prefer to take girls who are good looking. so, I thought out of the 1,000 boys who go to my school, (the 500 being able to go to the dance), at least one of them would ask me.
well, the first day of school came and went, and girls were already getting asked. I wasn't too worried, and thought, they will ask me later! pretty soon, all of my friends started to get asked, and they would ask me, "have you been asked yet?" i would just smile and say, "no, not yet!" and they would assure me, "well, you will get asked soon! you're too pretty not to! boys love you!" and I believed it.
but pretty soon, all my friends had been asked, and I still hadn't. I would be talking to my friends who were boys, and because I was curious, I would ask them if they had asked anyone yet. all of them replied, "yeah! have you been asked?" or worse, "who asked you?"
"uh, no one."
"that's ok! everyone loves you, and you're too pretty not to get asked! of course someone will ask you!"
and my natural response would'be been to say, then why didn't YOU ask me? but of course, I just remained cheerful and said, "thanks!" but it was getting harder everyday. everytime one of my friends would mention homecoming, I just felt myself getting angrier and angrier. I really was excited for them to go, and I really did want to know what they were doing for their date, but it was really hard for me to share that excitement. It made me feel more and more left out as the day came nearer and nearer. I couldn't stop asking myself why I hadn't been asked yet.
one day, I was talking to one of my really good friends (who has a girlfriend, so of course, he asked her). and he said, "well, the reason you haven't been asked yet is because you're just too intimidating! Miriam, you are very talented, you're funny, you're smart, people would have a good time with you, and you're very pretty. guys love you! but they're just scared to ask you, because you're so intimidating! they're worried that someone else will ask you first, so they just ask someone else instead." well, that was the nicest thing anyone has said to try to make me feel better. and this friend is quite talented and intimidating himself, so I trusted him a bit more. and it is hard to ask people, so I can understand that. but I didn't want to go around telling people, "I haven't been asked yet because I'm too intimidating!" and even though he made me feel better, it didn't change the fact that I hadn't been asked.
finally, I just decided to accept the fact that I would probably not be going to homecoming unless a miracle happened, and that I would have a GOOD TIME that day, even with most of my friends out partying. (I said most.) so, I got this brilliant idea to spend the day with my best friend Grace from the tennis team, and our other best friend Kate. both of them were sophomores, and wouldn't be able to go anyway. so, we made some plans to make this day the best day ever for me. and after we made plans, I was a lot happier. instead of dreading homecoming, I looked forward to it. I would go to lunch with 2 of my best friends, and we would see a movie and talk and drive around and listen to good music all afternoon. besides, with tennis and homework, I never really had any time to do girl things. and I was able to be cheerful when people would ask me, "so what are you doing instead of Homecoming?" after talking about their plans. It was a lot easier for me to listen to my friends and be excited for them, knowing that I would be having a fun time too, even if it wasn't on a date.
the day came and went. me, Kate, and Grace had a great time eating at Kneaders, watching Maze Runner (it is better than the book! I definitely recommend it), and having a good time together. none of us mentioned Homecoming, and we just focused on other things. it was the happiest I'd been for a long time. I came home in a really good mood, and even though I would have loved to go, I still made the best of it.
I'm not saying that I'm okay with not getting asked to every dance. it really is not fun, and it does suck when everyone's talking about it, and you have to politely listen. and everytime someone told me, "well, dances aren't everything", I wanted to shoot them. but if we are able to make the best out of our situations, then it really isn't as bad as we think it is. it's natural to worry about why things happen to us, but in reality, there is no reason. maybe boys just wanted to take someone else, or maybe they don't have the guts to ask. (like a lot of my friends don't have the guts when it comes to girls choice dances.) or, maybe you are intimidating (which is a good and a bad thing). but instead of trying to think about the why, it's a lot better (and harder, too!) to accept that not everything happens in our favor, and even though we wish it could've worked out differently, we can make the best out of it and still end up having a good time. it's a lot easier said than done, but it is possible!

I feel like I just bore my testimony. I hope that wasn't too preachy. I'm just trying to express my true feelings without going into huge rants.

TENNIS UPDATE: I had region on Friday, and I played really well! my first match I was losing 2-6, and I came back and tied it 6-6! both my opponent and I played really well, and I never double faulted once. when it got to 6-7, we were in deuce. we were playing no-ad, meaning you only had one shot. If I would've won, it would've been tied, 7-7 and we would keep going until one of us won 9-7, or we would enter a tiebreaker at 8-8. but she sent me to the net and hit a passing shot over my head, and there is no way I could've returned it. and I do have to give her credit for that. that is a very good shot. I actually wasn't bummed that I lost, because I was able to make a comeback and I played my very best.
my second match started out good, but my opponent had the comeback this time. we both fought long and hard, and eventually went into a tiebreaker, which she won. tiebreakers are always very frustrating for me, and I have never been able to win one in a match. (YET. I'm working on that.) but even though I lost, I am proud to say that I played my best, and that both my matches were very close, and if I had won, I would've had to stay for a loooooong time. so again, things aren't as bad as we think they are. at first, I didn't even know if I would get to play in matches, let alone region, because I was a JV Alternate. but I ended up playing a lot of matches, and I won some and lost some, but I improved a lot since last season. I did better mentally as well, and didn't self-destruct when things weren't going the way I wanted them to. and I even made it to region, and played really well. so, things may not be the way we want, but in reality, they aren't as bad as they think they are.

two VERY different matches.

so that last post was kind of an emotional handful. believe me, being on the C-team/NCJV/alternate team/whatever the heck we are called was really hard at first. normal people would say, "hey, at least you only have to practice every other day!" maybe I want to practice everyday. and maybe I do feel left out because everyone has a free 7th period to practice tennis and I have seminary at that time. then again, I do like having seminary at the end of the day. it's nice to have an easy, relaxing class after 3 really hard classes. plus, my best friend is in there so that makes it even better. but sometimes, knowing that the rest of the team is getting in extra practice without me, just doesn't feel good. I love tennis so much, and when there is an opportunity for me to practice, I'll take it. and sometimes, it feels like I'm missing a lot of opportunities. sometimes, I would even feel like I was slowly losing my love for tennis, I would get so frustrated.

I know that because people hate negativity, girls like to sound like "it isn't too bad" or "there's always next year". I am horrible at hiding my feelings, so I usually just say it how it is. and at first, it really sucked. I mean, really. showing up to practice later than everyone else because they had ALL of 7th PERIOD to practice was bad. doing the C-team drills weren't my favorite. and I would have to remind myself that I was here because I love tennis, and I want to move up, and that if I didn't go to practice, Coach would probably move me down even more. I would go to practice and try to have a good time, and most of the time, I usually ended up having a good time.

well, Monday, we had our first match of the season! (ok, maybe it was pre-season. but our first match against another team.) we played at Orem High School. Now, I can't bash on Orem because a lot of Timpview is friends with Orem. That's what I think makes them great rivals, because a lot of the girls already know each other. I know Timpview won state last year, but Orem has a lot of really good players who, like a lot of the Timpview team, have been trained since age 8. but I somehow got it in my head that since I was a JV alternate, the person I would get matched up with wouldn't be very good.
our varsity team was.....not doing their best. everyone lost. our JV team didn't have great luck, either. I was waiting anxiously to play, and finally, I was the last match of the day.
the girl they had me play against wore me out in the warm up.
which, in a match, that would be good. but not the warm up. she said she already played a match today, so I was the second person she was playing. she hit me really tricky shots and had me running around everywhere, which is seriously a great skill. but again, in the warm up, it's a warm up. not a "wear the opponent out before the match even begins."
then she said, "I usually play varsity doubles or JV singles."
why. why. WHY. WHY. I'm not even an official JV player, and they put me against a Varsity girl. what the heck were these coaches trying to do to me? kick me off the team for good?
my whole team was watching and trying to cheer me on whenever I did something well. but.... I didn't really do anything that well. I ran for every shot, but I would either hit it out, or into the net. this made me even more frustrated. when I was losing, 0-5, my coach pulled me out for a pep talk and told me to relax. so, I did, and I aced her on my serve. I was able to win that next game, even though it was close. the rest of the games went to deuce. I played okay, but still, not my best. I was able to win 1 more game, and she won the rest. so, I lost, 2-8. I congratulated her on playing well, because really, she did.
most of my team saw how I did, and they all felt bad. a lot of them even said, "you didn't play the way you normally do, but she's a tough opponent, and you were able to get it together in the end." now, I shouldn't have beat myself up for losing to a varsity person. but when the people who weren't watching asked how I did, I did the embarrassing thing and started to cry. most of the team didn't know what to say, which was good. I didn't cry because I lost, but mostly because I didn't play well at all. I normally have really good form. and if I hit with correct form, it almost always goes in. but I lost my form completely, and forgot everything my coaches have ever taught me. I am not the best at accepting defeat, but if I lose and I know I played well, it just doesn't feel as bad, because at least I played well. the other person just played better. but when I lose and I don't play well, it just feels a lot worse. and I know failure is the opportunity for improvement. and I knew what i needed to improve. but I was not in the mood to hear motivational speeches.
Coach didn't even need to ask how I felt about the way I played.

after a good, long cry session with my best friend on the team, I decided to get over it. I had another match on Wednesday, and I couldn't self-destruct again. I had relaxed more, and the first match is always the hardest. hopefully, our team would play better. When we got to Timpanogos High School in Orem, we were relieved to find that they had 2 more courts than Orem did. I was also not so stressed out, and I had more confidence. the matches were going a lot quicker too, because of the extra courts. after.....45 minutes, Coach told me they were ready for me to play.
the girl I played was a sophomore. I tried not to wear her out in the warm up. we had a really nice warm up, actually. all my serves were going in. when the match started, it was a lot different than when I played Orem 2 days ago. she served first, and I was able to break her serve on the first game. not to brag or anything, but that is kind of a big deal. When I serve, I play better, and the same goes for other players (unless they double fault every serve). I find it a lot more frustrating when the opponent breaks my serve, than when they are serving and I lose. I won the first game, we traded sides, and the next game was my serve. I'll save all of you and not describe the match game by game, but early on, I was able to figure out where her weak spots were, and use those to my advantage. I would serve harder, and I would always return to where she would have to run for it. as the match went on, she would get more and more frustrated. we did have some really long rallies, she did hit some really good passing shots, and we did go into a few deuces, but in the end, I won.
8-0.
in tennis slang, we call that a "bagel".
I don't even know how I did that. I went from 2-8 to 8-0 in just 2 days. and the fact that I played really well was even more rewarding. and let's not forget that I'm not an official JV singles player.
varsity won, and our school only had 2 losses. that day was a really good day. to say we turned it around from Monday is an understatement.
Coach was really proud of me, and told me that I had improved a lot and I have been working really hard, and that I would be playing a lot more than I thought I would. so pretty much, I will play in more matches than I won't play in! and now, practices are not as "segregated" by team. on Friday, it was divided into Singles and Doubles. not Singles, Doubles, and C-team. I was actually the only C-team girl to join the singles practice, but no one even cared or treated me like I was below them. it was one of the best practices I ever had. today, it was half conditioning, and half rotating drills. another of the best practices, even though I hate conditioning. so I guess I don't even feel like a reject anymore. I am finally starting to feel like part of the team. I was able to prove that even though I didn't get the spot I wanted, I can still win. I am still a good player. and the fact that all those girls above me are also winning just means that we have a really good team. and that love for tennis is coming back. (not that I ever lost it, but for a while, it seemed that way.)

and some pictures.

me and my best friend on the team, Grace. this was at Orem. I did not order a uniform skirt, so I didn't match the rest of the team. but our colors are blue and orange, so what I did wasn't too bad. also I kinda think my skirt is cuter. (it's actually my mom's, but she agreed to lend it to me for tennis season because it's Timpview colors.) but anyways, I just love this girl so much. I love driving her home from practice and going to lunch and talking and laughing and singing and crying together. and even though she's 2nd Varsity Doubles and I'm Unofficial JV Singles, I love to play with her. 

after I won 8-0 against Timpanogos. I actually wore my blue skirt to match the rest of the teams. it looks exactly the same as all the other uniform skirts, so that's why I didn't order one. I still think the orange one looks better. 

Sophie, one of my favorite new freshmen. we did not plan our outfits! we just showed up and were practically matching! (also the only day I decide not to wear a skirt.) so, of course we take a picture. also, I got 4 inches chopped off my hair that day, and I was a bit sad about that. that's an understatement. I actually cried. I still don't like it, but it's healthier and easier to care for.