Tennis Team Pictures and some nostalgia

tennis season ended almost 2 months ago for me, and about a month and a half ago for varsity. we didn't win the state title like we did last year, but we did win SECOND! which is.....the next best thing! and our doubles team, Megan Austin and Annie Hayward did win state for doubles! I love both those girls so much. Annie is a senior, and has always been one of my best friends. she always talks to everyone and makes them feel like an important part of the team. when I'm having a bad day, I know I can always come to her and she will make me feel better. she is very encouraging to all the players. As for her partner, I sometimes forget Megan is only a freshman because she is one of the best players I have ever met! she is that one player that everyone wants to hate because she's only a freshman and she kicks everyone's butt, but she is one of the most genuine, sweet girls who couldn't be mean if she tried! (I also went on a date with her brother, and I just love their whole family.) I am so glad that she and Annie were able to win state, after all the doubles teams got their partners switched around 320 times!

my season was amazing. i had worked so hard in the summer for tryouts, and I didn't end up making the official JV team, so at first, I was pretty upset. but thankfully, most of the teams were big enough for me to play a match! I won some, and I lost some, but in all of them, I played my best and I think there was only one match where I was really ashamed of myself. coincidentally, the next match I played, I won 8-0!

there were more girls on the team this year than there ever had been before. we got a lot of new, really good freshmen, so that's why my spot wasn't as high as it was before. part of me wanted to hate them because they took my spot, but really, they all deserved it. they have been playing longer than me, and they play better than I do. I'm good, but they're just better. and there's nothing wrong with that, because they win their matches and make our team better as a whole. but I could not hate them, because they are all just so nice and so fun to be around and I became such good friends with all of them. I love how we all get along so well with each other on and off the court. well, unless we are playing each other. I am naturally very competitive, and I don't care if I'm playing my best friend. when I'm in a match, they are no longer my friend. they are my opponent and I will do everything I can to beat them- or try to. I have no mercy. but as soon as the match ends, we shake hands and are friends again and congratulate each other on how well we did!  actually, my friend Kali (our 1st singles player) was telling her cousin that I am very competitive, and her cousin said, "but you seem like the nicest girl!" and Kali said, "as soon as she is in a match, she becomes this aggressive, crazy person who screams and hits hard and has even smashed a racket. but she's so nice off the court. it's crazy." yep, that's me.

in October, we had a team banquet at the school. it was nice because it wasn't at Pizza Factory with their slooooooow service. (they never even brought me my pizza last year.) every family brought food. Mama Castle is famous for her cookies, so of course, that was what I was assigned to bring. my peanut butter chocolate chip cookies, as I have mentioned before, are really popular with the tennis team and cute boys. turns out, they are also very popular with the moms on the tennis team as well! I had to leave early because I had a piano lesson, but while I was there, the seniors presented the players with awards. my award was "The Cookie Master" for obvious reasons. (also, Racket Smasher was already taken.)

finally, last week, Coach sent us our pictures.

 the team. back row: Lauren, Megan, Grace L, Emmaline, Brianna, Rachel, Libby, Kali, Lindsey, Catherine, Mannon, Jen, Annie H, and Kea.

front row: Maude, Sophie, Annie L, Madi, me, Hailey, Kathryn, Mary, Liesel, Sage, Emma, and Grace S.

 full JV team with officials and alternates: Lauren, Sophie, Maude, Grace Larsen, Emmaline, me (I shouldn't even have to say which one I am, because I'm always the shortest one), Annie Lee, Madi, Hailey, Brianna, Emma, Libby, Mary, Kathryn, Grace Shields, Lindsey, Sage, and Kea

 me and Emmaline. last year, she didn't start out as my favorite because Coach kept making us play each other at tryouts, and I just wanted to beat her more than anything else. well, first time I played her, somehow, I did beat her! I was very proud of myself. but the next time I played her, I didn't do as well, and the next time, she beat me 6-1 and 6-0. I was so mad because, I mean, I beat her once, why did I play so bad the next time? but after I got over myself, we became really good friends, and we kept that friendship going after last season ended. this season, she was probably one of my best friends and because we were both singles players, we spend a lot of time at practice together, waited for matches together, and we would give each other pep talks. I loved that. when either of us had a bad match, we would always go to each other, and when we would have a good match, we would congratulate each other. she watched both my matches at region, and was cheering for me, and I just loved that support. so, Coach wanted to document our little friendship at practice.

Sadie Hawkins 2k14 (2nd date of hopefully more to come)

soooooo....remember my first date? well, that was in March.. and I haven't gone on any dates since then. I knew I wouldn't get asked to Prom, didn't expect to not get asked to Homecoming but I didn't, so that left Sadie Hawkins, the next dance. lucky for me, it was girls choice so I could go with whoever I wanted. the dance wasn't until November but a bunch of girls started to ask right after Homecoming, so I was pressured into asking the week after. well, the guy I was going to ask, got asked the day before I was going to ask. and my second choice had been asked twice. so, I needed to think quick before all the boys at Timpview got asked. so that day, I had a quick tennis team council, and they all threw out ideas. someone said to ask Nate on the boys tennis team, and all the other girls agreed. his younger sister Megan is on the team, so I was able to talk to her and figure out the perfect time to come over. I didn't take any pictures, but this is how I asked him: I found 12 old tennis balls, and wrote 1 letter of my name on each ball (first and last). I wrote on a piece of paper, "Nate: it would be SMASHING if you went to Sadie's with me!" and left the tennis balls on his porch. I had to text his sister and make sure I was at the right house. well, about 1 week later, Megan texts me and asks for my address, so I know I'm getting an answer soon. that night, I was working on homework and I completely forgot about getting answered, but then, Justin comes in my room and says, "Miriam, go check the doorstep!" and again I forgot to take a picture, but there was candy on the door, a (Y)ork patty, (E)xtra gum, and (S)kittles- so my answer was YES!
(just think of how sad it would've been if he had said no? (N)erds? (O)rbit gum?)

The dance was in the basement below the auditorium, and the theme was Phantom of the Opera, which is my favorite musical. the dress was famous couples. I had a ton of ideas that would work for other couples, but not for us because of our appearances. I needed to find a blonde dude and a dark haired chick. finally, I decided that Katniss and Peeta would be the best because Nate is blonde and blue eyed, and I have dark hair and I could braid it all cool, and really, all Katniss and Peeta wear is black. so I told Nate and he agreed. (thank goodness he did, because I literally had no other good ideas.) planning the date with Nate was easy, but boy, is it hard to get in a group of girls and try to work together! we all have such different ideas, and we don't agree on anything. I didn't have this problem with Morp because my main issue was finding a group. after I finally found one, they just handed me a plan and it went perfect. but with Sadie's, finding a group was no problem. but planning was. so, first group meeting went unsuccessfully. finally, one week before the date, our group text came up with a plan, and it was a really good one, and it ended up working out great!

for our day date, we did a scavenger hunt at the mall. our group had 8 couples, and we split into groups of 2 couples. we had a long list of things we needed to take pictures of, and it was the funniest thing. I don't have any of the pictures, but we had to get one of us planking on a bench (I'm the only one short enough to fit on that bench), a picture by the Mockingjay poster (which was perfect for me and my date), trying on an orange necktie, trying on red high heels, finding the ugliest prom dress... the 2 funniest were getting a job application and 3 selfies with strangers. the original idea was to send Nate or AJ (my friend Lindsey's date) into Victoria's Secret and film them asking for an application, but they chickened out and sent me inside because I've been in there loads of times (no shame). I came out with the application, and the boys agreed to get their picture taken with it, but that was it. the other funny thing was getting 3 selfies with strangers. Lindsey found an elf, AJ found a 600 pound guy (ok, probably not that heavy), and Nate and AJ found a policeman! our group did not win because we ran out of time, but I'd say we got the funniest pictures.

after the scavenger hunt, we went to Rita's for frozen custard. it was delicious. I was one of the chauffeurs in the group, and there was a BYU football game, so not only did I have to drive 3 people around in the rain, there was also heavy traffic. finally, after several red lights and Nate taking the role as "driving instructor", I was able to get everyone home in time to get ready.

a little more than an hour later, I picked everyone up again and drove to Hailey's house for.....PICTURE TIME!

 throwing up that District 12 sign

"assume your character!" so here's Katniss being serious, and here's Peeta being.... happy. 

 left to right: Matt and Cami as the Great Gatsby people, Seth and Madisen as Zack and Kelly from Saved By The Bell, AJ and Lindsey as The Incredibles, Christian and Liza as that couple from The Walking Dead, Zane and Addy as Dwight and Angela from The Office, Josh and Hailey as Ken and Barbie, Nate and I as Katniss and Peeta, and Abbie and Joe as Jessie and Woody.

again, "assume your character!"

 our "bridesmaid pose"

Cami, Lindsey, Madisen, Liza, Addy, me, Hailey, and Abbie

we went to dinner dressed in our costumes. I was driving Nate, Abbie, and Joe, and we decided that if anyone asks why we are dressed up, we have to use a fake accent and say, "well, in my country, we celebrate Halloween on November 22!" and if they ask where we're from, we just say Canada. no one actually asked that, so we were safe. we had a delicious dinner at California Pizza Kitchen, and I was the rebel of the group because A) I ordered Diet Coke instead of water, and B) I did not order pepperoni like mostly everyone else (*cough cough* my date and all the other boys). we had a great time eating and laughing and talking. out of the 2 dates I've been on, dinner has always been one of my favorite parts because we are all together and we can all talk to each other, and get to know each other better. everyone in my group was so funny, and it was just a great time!

we hopped back in my car and this time, we headed to Timpview for the dance! I loved the Phantom of the Auditorium theme, except it was pretty hot and stuffy down in the basement. we stayed for a little more than an hour, but we had a great time dancing and seeing everyone and their costumes. after we decided we were too hot, I drove back to my house, grabbed a plate of my famous peanut butter cookies that are popular with the tennis team and boys (so a double bonus for Nate!), and we went to Lindsey's to eat treats and play games. my cookies were indeed popular with everyone: boys, girls, the tennis team, and Nate. (3 of the 8 girls, myself included, are on the girls tennis team. and 2 of the boys, my date included, are on the boys team.) after we stuffed ourselves with cookies and hot chocolate, we looked at our scavenger hunt photos. I still think my group won, but that's just my opinion. (which is usually right.) all too soon, it was time for me to drive everyone back home. Joe had taken out my Killers/Coldplay/Red Hot Chili Peppers playlist and found some rap station, and Nate decided that since it was after midnight, it was Sunday and that music wasn't "appropriate" so he and Abbie found us a classical station. (my dad got in the car the next day and immediately changed it to his rock station. I guess he has a different idea of what is Sunday appropriate.) but I seriously had one of the greatest nights of my life, and I don't think we ever stopped laughing. my date was the best date, and he was the perfect Peeta to my Katniss. thanks Nate for the great date! (that rhymed.)

fallfallfallfallllllll

I have no words to say. except my beautiful friend Brittain and I drove up into the canyon this week and she took my pictures. they all turned out perfect. I love fall so much, and I love the way she did the lighting and everything. it was a nice break from all my end-of-term homework and piano practicing and ACT studying. honestly, if you are stressing out because of end of term, just take a friend and go on a drive up the canyon and listen to good music. it is the prettiest. all the leaves have changed, and the mountains are just gorgeous. it is unreal.

also, I love football season and Pumpkin Smash smoothies from Jamba Juice and hot apple cider and pumpkin bread and pumpkin pie and pumpkin everything and Halloween and sweaters and everything.

I've been in a really good mood lately. probably because it's my favorite time of year.

then again, it's not as bad as we think it is.

this year, as we know, a lot of things have happened that have not been in my favor. you have heard about me not making acappella choir and the whole issue surrounding my placement on the tennis team. and after a few weeks, tennis started to go really well. I got to play in a lot more matches than I expected to. so that was looking up. I became really close to the team, I had good friends, and school was hard but it was manageable. but there were other things going on that made it hard for me to focus on the good things.
that one thing was homecoming.
last year, I was nominated as sophomore homecoming princess, and it was truly one of the best days of my life. that day, I remember thinking, this is the most amazing thing, but next year I will be able to spend it on a date. I can't wait! I knew it was possible for girls to not get asked, but I never thought of myself as one in that category. I was outgoing, I had a lot of friends, I was good at talking to people, and I really don't know how to say this without bragging, but I'm not too bad looking. Except for my awkward phase that lasted throughout middle school, I never really thought of myself as an ugly person. and I guess other people didn't, either. I was already confident with my appearance, and when people constantly tell you, "Miriam, you're so pretty!" or "you dress so cute!" or "your eyes/hair/nose/whatever is gorgeous!", it's hard not to believe it. I'm not saying I let it get to my head, but it is true that boys do prefer to take girls who are good looking. so, I thought out of the 1,000 boys who go to my school, (the 500 being able to go to the dance), at least one of them would ask me.
well, the first day of school came and went, and girls were already getting asked. I wasn't too worried, and thought, they will ask me later! pretty soon, all of my friends started to get asked, and they would ask me, "have you been asked yet?" i would just smile and say, "no, not yet!" and they would assure me, "well, you will get asked soon! you're too pretty not to! boys love you!" and I believed it.
but pretty soon, all my friends had been asked, and I still hadn't. I would be talking to my friends who were boys, and because I was curious, I would ask them if they had asked anyone yet. all of them replied, "yeah! have you been asked?" or worse, "who asked you?"
"uh, no one."
"that's ok! everyone loves you, and you're too pretty not to get asked! of course someone will ask you!"
and my natural response would'be been to say, then why didn't YOU ask me? but of course, I just remained cheerful and said, "thanks!" but it was getting harder everyday. everytime one of my friends would mention homecoming, I just felt myself getting angrier and angrier. I really was excited for them to go, and I really did want to know what they were doing for their date, but it was really hard for me to share that excitement. It made me feel more and more left out as the day came nearer and nearer. I couldn't stop asking myself why I hadn't been asked yet.
one day, I was talking to one of my really good friends (who has a girlfriend, so of course, he asked her). and he said, "well, the reason you haven't been asked yet is because you're just too intimidating! Miriam, you are very talented, you're funny, you're smart, people would have a good time with you, and you're very pretty. guys love you! but they're just scared to ask you, because you're so intimidating! they're worried that someone else will ask you first, so they just ask someone else instead." well, that was the nicest thing anyone has said to try to make me feel better. and this friend is quite talented and intimidating himself, so I trusted him a bit more. and it is hard to ask people, so I can understand that. but I didn't want to go around telling people, "I haven't been asked yet because I'm too intimidating!" and even though he made me feel better, it didn't change the fact that I hadn't been asked.
finally, I just decided to accept the fact that I would probably not be going to homecoming unless a miracle happened, and that I would have a GOOD TIME that day, even with most of my friends out partying. (I said most.) so, I got this brilliant idea to spend the day with my best friend Grace from the tennis team, and our other best friend Kate. both of them were sophomores, and wouldn't be able to go anyway. so, we made some plans to make this day the best day ever for me. and after we made plans, I was a lot happier. instead of dreading homecoming, I looked forward to it. I would go to lunch with 2 of my best friends, and we would see a movie and talk and drive around and listen to good music all afternoon. besides, with tennis and homework, I never really had any time to do girl things. and I was able to be cheerful when people would ask me, "so what are you doing instead of Homecoming?" after talking about their plans. It was a lot easier for me to listen to my friends and be excited for them, knowing that I would be having a fun time too, even if it wasn't on a date.
the day came and went. me, Kate, and Grace had a great time eating at Kneaders, watching Maze Runner (it is better than the book! I definitely recommend it), and having a good time together. none of us mentioned Homecoming, and we just focused on other things. it was the happiest I'd been for a long time. I came home in a really good mood, and even though I would have loved to go, I still made the best of it.
I'm not saying that I'm okay with not getting asked to every dance. it really is not fun, and it does suck when everyone's talking about it, and you have to politely listen. and everytime someone told me, "well, dances aren't everything", I wanted to shoot them. but if we are able to make the best out of our situations, then it really isn't as bad as we think it is. it's natural to worry about why things happen to us, but in reality, there is no reason. maybe boys just wanted to take someone else, or maybe they don't have the guts to ask. (like a lot of my friends don't have the guts when it comes to girls choice dances.) or, maybe you are intimidating (which is a good and a bad thing). but instead of trying to think about the why, it's a lot better (and harder, too!) to accept that not everything happens in our favor, and even though we wish it could've worked out differently, we can make the best out of it and still end up having a good time. it's a lot easier said than done, but it is possible!

I feel like I just bore my testimony. I hope that wasn't too preachy. I'm just trying to express my true feelings without going into huge rants.

TENNIS UPDATE: I had region on Friday, and I played really well! my first match I was losing 2-6, and I came back and tied it 6-6! both my opponent and I played really well, and I never double faulted once. when it got to 6-7, we were in deuce. we were playing no-ad, meaning you only had one shot. If I would've won, it would've been tied, 7-7 and we would keep going until one of us won 9-7, or we would enter a tiebreaker at 8-8. but she sent me to the net and hit a passing shot over my head, and there is no way I could've returned it. and I do have to give her credit for that. that is a very good shot. I actually wasn't bummed that I lost, because I was able to make a comeback and I played my very best.
my second match started out good, but my opponent had the comeback this time. we both fought long and hard, and eventually went into a tiebreaker, which she won. tiebreakers are always very frustrating for me, and I have never been able to win one in a match. (YET. I'm working on that.) but even though I lost, I am proud to say that I played my best, and that both my matches were very close, and if I had won, I would've had to stay for a loooooong time. so again, things aren't as bad as we think they are. at first, I didn't even know if I would get to play in matches, let alone region, because I was a JV Alternate. but I ended up playing a lot of matches, and I won some and lost some, but I improved a lot since last season. I did better mentally as well, and didn't self-destruct when things weren't going the way I wanted them to. and I even made it to region, and played really well. so, things may not be the way we want, but in reality, they aren't as bad as they think they are.

two VERY different matches.

so that last post was kind of an emotional handful. believe me, being on the C-team/NCJV/alternate team/whatever the heck we are called was really hard at first. normal people would say, "hey, at least you only have to practice every other day!" maybe I want to practice everyday. and maybe I do feel left out because everyone has a free 7th period to practice tennis and I have seminary at that time. then again, I do like having seminary at the end of the day. it's nice to have an easy, relaxing class after 3 really hard classes. plus, my best friend is in there so that makes it even better. but sometimes, knowing that the rest of the team is getting in extra practice without me, just doesn't feel good. I love tennis so much, and when there is an opportunity for me to practice, I'll take it. and sometimes, it feels like I'm missing a lot of opportunities. sometimes, I would even feel like I was slowly losing my love for tennis, I would get so frustrated.

I know that because people hate negativity, girls like to sound like "it isn't too bad" or "there's always next year". I am horrible at hiding my feelings, so I usually just say it how it is. and at first, it really sucked. I mean, really. showing up to practice later than everyone else because they had ALL of 7th PERIOD to practice was bad. doing the C-team drills weren't my favorite. and I would have to remind myself that I was here because I love tennis, and I want to move up, and that if I didn't go to practice, Coach would probably move me down even more. I would go to practice and try to have a good time, and most of the time, I usually ended up having a good time.

well, Monday, we had our first match of the season! (ok, maybe it was pre-season. but our first match against another team.) we played at Orem High School. Now, I can't bash on Orem because a lot of Timpview is friends with Orem. That's what I think makes them great rivals, because a lot of the girls already know each other. I know Timpview won state last year, but Orem has a lot of really good players who, like a lot of the Timpview team, have been trained since age 8. but I somehow got it in my head that since I was a JV alternate, the person I would get matched up with wouldn't be very good.
our varsity team was.....not doing their best. everyone lost. our JV team didn't have great luck, either. I was waiting anxiously to play, and finally, I was the last match of the day.
the girl they had me play against wore me out in the warm up.
which, in a match, that would be good. but not the warm up. she said she already played a match today, so I was the second person she was playing. she hit me really tricky shots and had me running around everywhere, which is seriously a great skill. but again, in the warm up, it's a warm up. not a "wear the opponent out before the match even begins."
then she said, "I usually play varsity doubles or JV singles."
why. why. WHY. WHY. I'm not even an official JV player, and they put me against a Varsity girl. what the heck were these coaches trying to do to me? kick me off the team for good?
my whole team was watching and trying to cheer me on whenever I did something well. but.... I didn't really do anything that well. I ran for every shot, but I would either hit it out, or into the net. this made me even more frustrated. when I was losing, 0-5, my coach pulled me out for a pep talk and told me to relax. so, I did, and I aced her on my serve. I was able to win that next game, even though it was close. the rest of the games went to deuce. I played okay, but still, not my best. I was able to win 1 more game, and she won the rest. so, I lost, 2-8. I congratulated her on playing well, because really, she did.
most of my team saw how I did, and they all felt bad. a lot of them even said, "you didn't play the way you normally do, but she's a tough opponent, and you were able to get it together in the end." now, I shouldn't have beat myself up for losing to a varsity person. but when the people who weren't watching asked how I did, I did the embarrassing thing and started to cry. most of the team didn't know what to say, which was good. I didn't cry because I lost, but mostly because I didn't play well at all. I normally have really good form. and if I hit with correct form, it almost always goes in. but I lost my form completely, and forgot everything my coaches have ever taught me. I am not the best at accepting defeat, but if I lose and I know I played well, it just doesn't feel as bad, because at least I played well. the other person just played better. but when I lose and I don't play well, it just feels a lot worse. and I know failure is the opportunity for improvement. and I knew what i needed to improve. but I was not in the mood to hear motivational speeches.
Coach didn't even need to ask how I felt about the way I played.

after a good, long cry session with my best friend on the team, I decided to get over it. I had another match on Wednesday, and I couldn't self-destruct again. I had relaxed more, and the first match is always the hardest. hopefully, our team would play better. When we got to Timpanogos High School in Orem, we were relieved to find that they had 2 more courts than Orem did. I was also not so stressed out, and I had more confidence. the matches were going a lot quicker too, because of the extra courts. after.....45 minutes, Coach told me they were ready for me to play.
the girl I played was a sophomore. I tried not to wear her out in the warm up. we had a really nice warm up, actually. all my serves were going in. when the match started, it was a lot different than when I played Orem 2 days ago. she served first, and I was able to break her serve on the first game. not to brag or anything, but that is kind of a big deal. When I serve, I play better, and the same goes for other players (unless they double fault every serve). I find it a lot more frustrating when the opponent breaks my serve, than when they are serving and I lose. I won the first game, we traded sides, and the next game was my serve. I'll save all of you and not describe the match game by game, but early on, I was able to figure out where her weak spots were, and use those to my advantage. I would serve harder, and I would always return to where she would have to run for it. as the match went on, she would get more and more frustrated. we did have some really long rallies, she did hit some really good passing shots, and we did go into a few deuces, but in the end, I won.
8-0.
in tennis slang, we call that a "bagel".
I don't even know how I did that. I went from 2-8 to 8-0 in just 2 days. and the fact that I played really well was even more rewarding. and let's not forget that I'm not an official JV singles player.
varsity won, and our school only had 2 losses. that day was a really good day. to say we turned it around from Monday is an understatement.
Coach was really proud of me, and told me that I had improved a lot and I have been working really hard, and that I would be playing a lot more than I thought I would. so pretty much, I will play in more matches than I won't play in! and now, practices are not as "segregated" by team. on Friday, it was divided into Singles and Doubles. not Singles, Doubles, and C-team. I was actually the only C-team girl to join the singles practice, but no one even cared or treated me like I was below them. it was one of the best practices I ever had. today, it was half conditioning, and half rotating drills. another of the best practices, even though I hate conditioning. so I guess I don't even feel like a reject anymore. I am finally starting to feel like part of the team. I was able to prove that even though I didn't get the spot I wanted, I can still win. I am still a good player. and the fact that all those girls above me are also winning just means that we have a really good team. and that love for tennis is coming back. (not that I ever lost it, but for a while, it seemed that way.)

and some pictures.

me and my best friend on the team, Grace. this was at Orem. I did not order a uniform skirt, so I didn't match the rest of the team. but our colors are blue and orange, so what I did wasn't too bad. also I kinda think my skirt is cuter. (it's actually my mom's, but she agreed to lend it to me for tennis season because it's Timpview colors.) but anyways, I just love this girl so much. I love driving her home from practice and going to lunch and talking and laughing and singing and crying together. and even though she's 2nd Varsity Doubles and I'm Unofficial JV Singles, I love to play with her. 

after I won 8-0 against Timpanogos. I actually wore my blue skirt to match the rest of the teams. it looks exactly the same as all the other uniform skirts, so that's why I didn't order one. I still think the orange one looks better. 

Sophie, one of my favorite new freshmen. we did not plan our outfits! we just showed up and were practically matching! (also the only day I decide not to wear a skirt.) so, of course we take a picture. also, I got 4 inches chopped off my hair that day, and I was a bit sad about that. that's an understatement. I actually cried. I still don't like it, but it's healthier and easier to care for.

rejection, dejection, & reflection

I know the title isn't cheerful. but this post is full of my true, honest feelings about what happened to me. I know, it would be nice if it was that "bad things happen to good people, and somethings things don't go the way we want them to, but everything happens for a reason and we should be happy" crap, but that is not what you are ever going to get from me. I'm not overly pessimistic, but I'm surely not overly optimistic. I'm a more realistic optimist. but as realistic as I am, accepting defeat is one of the hardest things for me. and I'm pretty sure that everyone has experienced the feeling of rejection. it has never been, or ever will be an easy thing.

sometime my sophomore year, I was really looking forward to my junior year. I could go to dances, I would have a lot of friends, I would be in acappella choir with all my senior friends, and I would have a good spot on the tennis team. pretty much, life would be perfect.

in the springtime (march or april?) i had acappella tryouts. I did really well, and the teacher was impressed. i thought everything was in my favor: I have perfect pitch (non-musically talented people: this means that I know where all the notes are. if you ask me to sing a D, I can sing a D. not a C-sharp or an E-flat. a D. it can be a blessing and a curse at times), my mom did acappella when she attended Timpview, I have a good voice, I could also accompany, I'm an alto, my best friend did acappella and he had no previous choir experience... but the only thing that set me back is that I had never taken a choir class at Timpview. part of it was that I couldn't fit it into my schedule, part of it being that I was too cocky and thought that my talent alone could get me in.
About 2 weeks after I tried out, I checked the list. I looked at second Alto, which is what I tried out for. my name wasn't on the list. so, I thought, maybe, they made me a first alto. so I checked that list. my name was not on there, or on any of the soprano lists, or even the boys parts. off to the side, in extremely small print, my name was on "Selected Concert Chorus".
I couldn't believe what I had read. Concert Chorus is the class that most girls take as sophomores to prepare them for acappella. no juniors ever take it, because they all get into acappella. so, I was extremely pissed, knowing I was an "acappella reject". I wanted to make it in more than anyone could possibly imagine. Like I mentioned earlier, I have perfect pitch, and I am good at singing acappella. My best friends were all taking it as seniors, and I wanted to have one last class with them, they sing the best songs, they go on tour to Disneyland... so the fact that I didn't make it was a big time low.

eventually, I decided I needed to get over myself and switch my focus to tennis tryouts. I got a new private coach, I could train all summer, I had improved 10 times better than last year, so to me, my chances of making a higher spot were pretty good.
until I had to help out at Freshman Orientation, around the same time I received the news that I was an acappella reject.
I was supposed to convince all these new 8th graders to take Japanese their freshman year (I am a really good liar. I would not recommend Japanese to anyone, unless they have some strange desire to learn how to read 3 different Asian alphabets and learn about 10000 different particles and which one goes where), and also recruit some tennis players. well, a ton of girls signed up for tennis. and my coach later told me that they were really good and were the kind of people who had been training since age 8 with private coaches. also, because our team won State, some girls transferred from other places, just to play tennis for Timpview. so, she said that this year, she would start to make cuts. before, anyone who tried out, got on. it didn't guarantee that they would play every match, but they were on the team. I was a bit worried, but I decided that if I worked hard enough, I could get a good spot on the team.

well, I did work really hard, and it was all in my favor this summer. I only lost one match in the City League, I got a new private coach who has done wonders to my technique, and I was training every day. I wasn't too worried about the other girls, but the thought that I had a lot more competition did make me a bit nervous.
on the first day of tryouts, when I saw exactly how many girls there were, I panicked inside my head.
8 new freshmen
2 girls who transferred from other schools
our 3 varsity singles players had already been set, as they were all seniors.
3 returning doubles players
2 seniors who were on JV last year
7 returning JV players
and me.
that makes 25 girls.
so, for the next 3 days, I was playing singles matches against some new freshmen and returning JV players. I won most of them, actually. how tryouts are supposed to work, is that varsity players play every varsity player, JV players play every JV player. but I didn't get to play every JV player, like I was supposed to.
on Day 3, she told me that everyone wanted to play singles this year, and she knows how much I hate playing doubles, but because there were a lot of singles players, I might have to play doubles. if you have ever read my posts about last years tennis season, you would know how much I hate playing doubles. doubles players love to play doubles because they don't have to do as much running, they have a partner, they can poach at the net, they can share the victory.... now, this might sound very self-centered, but I love being a singles player for the opposite reason. I don't want to share the victory with a partner. I feel more like a sidekick than a champion when I play doubles. also, sharing the victory also means sharing the loss. when you lose a doubles match, it isn't entirely your fault. your partner contributes to that as well. and it's hard for me to accept defeat, especially when it isn't entirely your fault. and I love singles because I can run around more, I can take more shots, I have longer rallies, and it's easier to accept a loss in singles.
anyways, enough about how much I hate doubles. I decided that I'd rather play doubles than not play at all, so I played a few really bad doubles matches.
finally, Coach called Team Meeting. I still hadn't played everyone in a singles match. I probably only played half the girls. but I guess she had already made her decisions.
when Coach read her list, she read Varsity first. we all knew who Varsity was, because most of them were returning players. then, she read JV. I kept waiting for her to say my name. finally, she said, "and that's it. you guys can leave. everyone whose name I didn't call, come talk to me."
at that moment, I knew I didn't make it. she didn't even need to talk to us. but I stayed to listen to whatever she had to say.
she said, "well, I don't want to cut anyone, so instead of cutting you guys, you will be our alternate team! our Non-Competition JV team! there were just too many players this year, and all the JV spots were filled! so, you guys will come to every other practice, on odd days, and you probably won't get to play in matches, but you should still come and support the rest of the girls! you don't go to morning conditioning, but you should still go to the evening practices. and maybe next year, you will get a better spot!"
NEVER HAVE I BEEN SO PISSED OFF IN MY LIFE.
I was still shocked. but it was real life. so I asked Coach if I could leave, and she said, "yes. please do."
so I just stomped off to my car, and to make things worse, a bird had pooped all over my windshield. I probably yelled, "Freshmen, I am not giving rides today! Go find your own!" and drove my (dad's) car home, and I just cried and cried and cried. why me? I had trained really hard the entire summer, I got a new coach, I was a better player this year than I was last year. so why did I get a higher spot on JV last year, and not even make JV this year? and I didn't even get to play everyone. that's what made me the angriest. what was the point of going to tennis practice if I wouldn't even get to play matches? and I'm not even a bad tennis player.
it's just that everyone else was better than I was.
and that hurt.
and I worked hard.
and no one seemed to recognize that except for my mom.
I thought being an acappella reject was bad enough. but a JV reject was worse.
and there are few things I hate more than the feeling of rejection.
so, I eventually decided to tell one of my best friends who was on the boys team, and he told me that I should still go to every practice and play my best and stick it to the coach. I wasn't too excited about this idea, but I can't give up on tennis, after all this hard work. I love the sport so much, I don't know what I would do without it. I couldn't give up my passion just because I didn't make the team I wanted!
at first, it was really hard to go to practice, knowing that I wouldn't be playing in matches. and believe me, it still hurts. but I just kept playing, hoping that Coach would recognize my talent and hard work.
turns out, some teams have more players than others. and with larger teams, us NCJV (Non-Competition Junior Varsity) girls could play, depending on how many extra spots there are. so, for our first match, my coach said there was one extra JV singles player. and guess who gets to play?!
ME.
even better: the next team we will play has an even larger team, and guess who gets to play JV singles twice in one week?
ALSO ME.
so instead of thinking of myself as a JV reject, I am still a JV singles player. I just don't get to play in every match. when there is someone for me to play, then I compete. when there isn't, I still support. I still don't like how the NCJV girls only practice every other day, and don't get to take tennis 7th period. but I use those days when I don't have team practice to train with my mom, which is actually really beneficial. because it's just her and me, she is able to drill me on things that I need to work on, not the whole team. it really does help me become a better tennis player. so, as bad as not making normal JV is, I'm still playing tennis, and I love tennis, and I'm getting better, and next year, hopefully, it will go better.

my brothers are yelling at me to make dinner, so I better wrap this post up. I am still sad about not making acappella and being with my senior friends, but I can still see them at concerts, and who knows, maybe I will be Alto Section Leader of Concert Chorus! and as for tennis, I just love tennis so much and could never quit, and as much as I hate not being an official JV player, I still get to play JV sometimes, which is probably the best thing, considering that some girls might not even play at all. so, pretty much, rejection is really hard to deal with, but eventually, we realize that there still are some good things about our situation, even if they might not be better. and failure is also an opportunity for improvement. and improvement is good.

have a good day. and if you ever experience the horrible feelings of rejection, come talk to me. I know how you feel. it's hard.
but (sorry this is cheesy), it does get better.
eventually.
trust me.

I really better make dinner for my brothers. they are getting angry.

NEW YORK {part 4: the city..again}

at last, here it is. the Grand Finale section of these vacation posts. after this post, I can start blogging about....other things! and by other things I mean tennis. since I've been back from vacation, everyone's been asking me, "are you excited to go back to school?" and I say, "well, I haven't seen my friends for a while. but I'm really excited for tennis season." and then they're just like, "oh yeah, you're quite the tennis player. have you done anything else this summer?" and I reply, "well, I did go to New York City, Palmyra, Niagara Falls, and Philadelphia."

to pick up from where I left off, we headed back to New York City. but for most of the day, we were actually in New Jersey. I've lived a pretty good 16 years and until now, I didn't know that the Statue of Liberty is actually in New Jersey. (sorry to burst your bubble, folks.) we went to Liberty State Park (in New Jersey) and took a ferry to Ellis Island (also in New Jersey). but we had a great view of New York.

 the classic "Mama Castle's white sunglasses and closed eyes Merm" shot

 again, my eyes are closed. Justin looks pretty good, and Wesley is making a normal face for once.

 the Immigration Museum. this place is where all the immigrants to the United States would go before they could live here. now, it has been converted into a museum all about immigration. it tells different stories about how people would immigrate to the US and what they would have to go through. it was a huge sacrifice for them, to leave their home country and come to a new country with a different language, different food, different lifestyle, and a completely different culture. having lived in a foreign country, I know how hard it is. but it must be harder to have to leave everything permanently. it was very interesting to learn all about immigration.

 the audio tour guides have made a return. one of the many highlights from England.

we took another ferry to the Statue of Liberty (which is also in New Jersey). Justin announces as soon as our boat is docked, "the Statue of Liberty is a gift from Fronce, right?" another thing I had no idea about. my brothers are getting smarter than I am. we only went to the pedestal, but we still had a great view of New York (and New Jersey). inside the pedestal, there was a museum where we learned how the statue was made. Justin was right; it indeed was a gift from France (or "Fronce" as Justin says. who knows why he does that. when we watched the World Cup, he was cheering for Fronce, he wants to go to Fronce, he calls my tennis coach "Froncis"...it's pretty funny.) During the French Revolution, France thought that if they gave us a present to symbolize liberty, then it would show France that they should get liberty too. so, the statue was designed in France (the guy who built the Eiffel Tower even helped with that), built in France, taken apart in France, shipped to America, and rebuilt in America. I swear, this blog could turn into a History Fact Blog. but much more interesting than a history textbook. 

after the Statue of Liberty, we drove our rental car to Guttenberg, New Jersey. we learned from London that our family does much better when we rent apartments than staying in hotels. I love hotels, until you try to cram all 5 of us in 1 room. apartments are a lot more spacious, and they have their own kitchen so that's a plus. we rented from a small Chilean man named Victor, and it was a great deal. only a 20 minute bus ride away from Manhattan, which was close compared to everything else we did on this trip! and we got an amazing view of the city from where we were staying. after getting settled and making dinner, we took the bus to Manhattan. (so I guess we thought we were in New York City all day, but in reality, we weren't in the city until the evening.) we walked around Time Square, and it is nuts. lights everywhere, people dressed up in costumes, so many shops, theaters.....it's crazy. I don't know if I could live there, because the traffic is crazy!

of course, we got one by my favorite store. not so much Justin's.

we got all excited when we saw all the people dressed up. Mom and I got this really stupid idea to take pictures. we didn't know that Mickey was going to ask for a tip! all my mom had was $5. great. $5 for a crappy picture in Times Square with a fake Mickey Mouse. Dad got so mad at us, but too bad. we didn't know!

Saturday was our last day in New York. we only had 3 things on our agenda: Central Park, the Museum of Natural History, and the Metropolitan Museum of Art. there were a lot more things I wanted to do, but I don't plan the vacations, Dad does. so I really have no say in things. a new family moved next door to us, all the way from Canada. our families have become pretty good friends over the summer. the mom was telling us about how in their family, they have a respect system, and if any kid feels disrespected by another sibling, they get points taken off. once a certain number of points is gone, that sibling has to become the other sibling's slave. well anyways, on Monday, Mom and I wanted to go to a bagel place, but of course, Dad goes along with Justin's idea of just getting food at a convenience store. we did it all the time in Japan, we did it in England, so why not New York? but I didn't want anything there. I told Mom I wasn't feeling respected, and she said, "well, Dad does it his way." and I said, "well, no one ever listens to me. if Justin and I wanted completely different things, you would go along with Justin because he's the youngest, and you can never say 'no' to him." that shut her up for a while. 

(she didn't even deny it, like most parents would! they would say, "oh no, I love all my kids the same!" she agreed with me.)

anyways, enough complaining. we started off our day in Central Park. I had no idea how big it was until I went to the real thing. what a great place. I loved walking around and seeing the teeny little portion we saw. next time, I will bike around the whole park and ride in a boat. 

we walked around for a bit, and ended up at the American Museum of Natural History. we didn't really take a ton of pictures, but it was awesome. we learned about dinosaurs, ocean life, and historic people. we couldn't go through the whole museum, because it's huge. but we did as much as we could without getting tired. we finished around lunchtime, so we tried the foodstands in Central Park. Dad got mad because I made him pay $3 for a Diet Coke. I argued that it was worth it. the only places I could find Diet Coke on this vacation were in Philadelphia and New York City. everywhere else just had Pepsi. and let me tell you, Pepsi is completely different. it's nasty. but I convinced him, and we ate some New York gyros on a park bench. when we finished, we let the boys run around for a bit and scare some pigeons. we walked through the park again to go to the next museum, which was my favorite part of the whole vacation:
the Metropolitan Museum of Art.
I promise, we did go to the Met. again, we took no pictures, because.....it's an art museum. maybe we don't want our pictures taken in front of famous paintings. or, we were too focused on the paintings to take pictures. my favorite is the European paintings, especially the French artists. I just love the color they use, and the tone of their paintings. someone told me that "Starry Starry Night" by Van Gogh was at the Met, and we looked everywhere. we saw a few Van Gogh paintings, but we couldn't find "Starry Starry Night." we later learned that it was at the modern museum of art. not the Met. and the rest of my family was very impatient and would probably not want to suffer through another art museum. but I enjoyed every minute of it. I also loved the Modern Art section. I don't know why I love modern art so much, but it's just so....weird. but it's definitely unique. too bad the rest of my family hates it.

we walked through Central Park once again, we got lost, and I saved the day, and got us out of there and on the subway. once we got back to our apartment, our parents went into "crazy packing mode" so that's what we did. pack, pack, try not to sass the parents, try not to kill the brothers, and pack. as soon as we woke up on Sunday, what did we do? pack, sass the parents, get lectured, and drive the rental car back to the airport. after what seemed like ages, Mom, the boys, and I flew back to Salt Lake, and Dad flew First Class to Boston for a chemistry conference.

so, there ya go. another Castle family vacation. done. I still can't believe I not only got to go to London, but New York as well! now, I have to make a new bucket list of places I want to go! don't worry. I've already started. France, Italy, Germany, Hawaii, Florida, Costa Rica, China, San Francisco (my dad still owes me a trip there because we were going to go there instead of Yosemite, but again, because I have no say in things, the rest of the family decided Yosemite would be a better idea) and England (again) are on it so far. have the best summer, and if you ever get the chance to go to New York, you should.