junior "graduation speech"

as of yesterday, my junior year officially ended. and in some ways, it was the best year of school. in other ways, it was the worst year of school. the end of this year has been quite bittersweet. there was some celebration and tears of joy; there was some lamentation and tears of sadness. I did have friends who were in my own grade, but a lot of my friends were either sophomores or seniors. it had been that way since I was a freshman; I became close friends with a few sophomores, and then when I became a sophomore, I wanted to keep my junior friends but also be an example to the freshman and be that friend to them that those sophomores were to me a year ago. well, it didn't really occur to me while I was a sophomore that my junior year, all my older friends would be seniors, and it would be their last year. and that the year after that, I would be a senior. I know that after high school, we move on to bigger and better things, but the friends that I have right now, I don't really want anything bigger or better than them. but this year was my last year with many of my friends, and next year will be my last year with all my friends. so, this year, I tried to make the best of it.

the summer of my sophomore year was also my first year on the tennis team. someone showed up to practice and I thought she was a senior, so I introduced myself and asked what her name was. she replied, "Miss Baker." then it hit me. she would be my AP world teacher that year! I told her that she was listed as my 7th period and she and I were put on opposite teams for a drill. I ended up getting her out, and sure enough, she remembered on the first day of class. I guess it clicked from there, because she became my favorite teacher ever, and I ended up loving AP world history, and I guess Baker loved me too, because she let me TA for her a semester of my junior year. sadly, I could only do it first semester because I needed to get more elective credits, and second semester I had seminary that period, and I didn't want to miss seminary because I finally had a good teacher and a few really good senior friends in my class who I might not see after this year. but seminary ended when the seniors graduated (which was a week before school got out), so I went to Baker's classroom to say goodbye to the students I TAed for one last time. she asked me to give advice to them for next year, and some kid asked me to stand on the desk. so, I did. if anyone wants to see it, she posted it on her Facebook, and it got a lot of views! (1,233 to be exact), and if you aren't friends with her (which you probably aren't), I shared it on my Facebook. and if you don't have Facebook, then there is no way.

I only had 3 minutes, so I chose the very best things to share with them. but here is an extended version with all the important things I learned in high school this far. and I'm not saying everyone should read this, but if 1,233 people have watched my pep talk to Baker's class, then.....this gotta be pretty good. so, here is My Speech To Baker's Class Plus Additional Advice.

to put it simply, junior year can really suck sometimes. it's the year before your senior year, which is when you apply for colleges. so junior year, the counselors come in and talk about looking at scholarship options and how to prepare yourself for college. and it hits you that you really are getting to be that old. how did this happen? no one knows. and you HAVE to take the ACT that year at least once. I took it twice. I really want to go to BYU because I get half tuition since my dad's a professor there, it's close by so my dorm won't be too far from my family, and it's a great school. well, it's not the easiest to get into. my dad, being a professor there himself, said that the average ACT score is 28 and I don't remember what the GPA was, but pretty high. so, I was under quite a bit of pressure to get a good ACT score because I didn't want to take that test 5 times. it is TORTURE, I tell you. both days I took it were the longest days of my life (besides my aunt's wedding and the day we went to Japan and flew 12-14 hours-ish). the first time I took it, I got lower than a 28, so my dad enrolled me in the prep class before I took it the second time. and I thought it wouldn't help at all, but turns out, it helped me get more familiar with the test, and when I took it for real, it was still hard, but it was a little bit easier. 3 weeks later, I found out that I got a higher score than a 28, something that seemed unrealistic the first time I took the test. so, tip number 1: TAKE THE ACT PREP CLASS. 

junior year is also way stressful because that's when a lot of AP classes are offered. I took AP US History and AP English, and I could've taken AP Calculus, but there is no way I would ever take an AP math class, so I got out of that one and took College Algebra/Trig (there's not very many options after taking Pre-Calculus your sophomore year). I was also in Honors Physiology, so between those 4 classes, I had a lot of homework. and in addition to that, I was on the tennis team, taught 3 piano students, practiced piano 1-2 hours a day, was in choir, and wanted a social life. I also wanted sleep. I was busy all the time. AND I have ADHD, so I could either find my motivation and get stuff done quickly, or my ADHD would kick in and I couldn't focus whatsoever. but no matter what, do your homework. grades actually matter. high school is really important. I've seen a few of my senior friends who are so talented, so smart, and so capable of getting into any college, but they slacked off and decided they were too tired to do their homework, never did it, didn't go to class, and didn't get into the college of their choice. DO NOT LET THIS BE YOU! so, if you're tired, just find that motivation to at least start your homework. if it's after 12:30, then it's too late for me and going to bed wins, and don't even think that you can get it done in the morning. it is impossible. but at least try to get it done. you will feel so much better knowing got something done. so pretty much, just DO YOUR DANG HOMEWORK.

a really unfortunate trend at my school is skipping class, or as Utahns call it, "sluffing". if you didn't do your homework on time, here's a simple solution: SLUFF CLASS AND GET IT DONE AT HOME! (or, more frequently, GET FOOD WITH YOUR FRIENDS!) have a test in class that you didn't study for? here's a simple solution: SLUFF CLASS AND STUDY IN THE LIBRARY! (or forget about it and get food with your friends!!)
no. no. NO. NO. do not do this. it isn't worth it. my parents check my attendance records every Sunday, so I know that if I sluff class, I'm screwed and my dad takes my car for a week. but for those whose parents don't really have rules about that, don't do it. you will always be in catch-up mode, and you will have twice as much homework as you would have had before. and if it's the day of a test that you didn't study for? if you didn't finish your project on time? ADMIT YOU ARE A SLACKER AND COME TO CLASS! I've had to do that this year, and going unprepared is better than not going at all. and it's a really bad habit to get into. I've seen it, and it's sad.

and please, do the work yourself. I'm not saying don't ask friends for help. I do that all the time. but don't have them do everything for you. it will not help you on a test. when I took AP world as a sophomore, we had to write our own flash cards. I think I made over 250. maybe even 400. but I wrote down every single word and every single definition, and this was my sophomore year. I just finished my junior year, and I still remember most of them. so, IF YOU DO YOUR OWN WORK, YOU WILL DO BETTER.

this was my pep talk to Baker's class in more depth. well, now's some more advice that I couldn't mention in that. and this stuff is also really important, and every high schooler should know this stuff.

it's okay if you change friendships. my best friends in elementary school weren't my best friends for a while. in junior high, we drifted apart, and somehow, junior year, I became close to them again. and I am so grateful for that. in other friendships, we drifted apart and never came back. you just have to learn that it's a part of growing up, and that people change, interests change, and friendships change. and the best friendships are those that are still strong, even after tennis season ends, even after you aren't in the same classes. I met one of my very best friends my freshman year while he was a sophomore. we had one class together, and then after that semester, I didn't really expect to see him that much anymore. but he kept on going out of his way to talk to me, and I really appreciated that. we were good friends when we had that class together, but after it ended, we became even better friends. we maintained our friendship my sophomore year, and I asked him to Morp my junior year, and now, he's graduated and has a mission call, but if we hadn't kept on talking to each other even after our class ended, I wouldn't have become such close friends. and sometimes, friends who you thought were good friends start making bad choices, and you don't have to support them! just be kind to them, and if they stop making an effort, then you don't have to, either!

school dances taught me a lot of lessons. I didn't get asked to Homecoming in the fall, and I definitely didn't expect that. I thought that since I was talented, I knew lots of people, I had lots of friends, I was part of the tennis team, I was sophomore homecoming princess, and I was pretty, I would get asked. but that didn't happen. I had been looking forward to getting asked since I was sophomore homecoming princess the year before, and I even got a dress and everything. but the boys just didn't ask me. now, I could've just said "screw boys and dances, if they aren't gonna ask me, I'm not gonna ask them!" that is not the way to handle it at all! I figured that if they weren't gonna ask me, I was gonna ask them anyway and prove to them what a good time I am and that I deserve to get asked. as soon as homecoming ended, a bunch of girls started asking to Sadie Hawkins, but I wanted to wait. well, the top 2 boys I wanted to ask, got asked within the 3 days after homecoming. so this leads to lesson number 2: if you know who you want to ask, ask them ASAP. don't just wait until the last minute. so, I had to hurry and ask someone else, and I picked someone I had only talked to a few times. and I ended up having a GREAT time, and we became pretty good friends! so lesson 3: it can be fun to go with people you don't know very well.
after Sadie Hawkins came Sweethearts. so, I had already learned my lesson with homecoming, but lesson number 4: don't anticipate getting asked to a boys choice dance. this doesn't mean being a pessimist, but it makes getting asked a lot more exciting, and it makes not getting asked a lot less disappointing. I didn't get asked to Sweethearts, and I would've liked to, but since I wasn't expecting it, it wasn't too hard. and back to lesson number 2: I had already picked out who I wanted to ask to Morp, and I asked him the week before Sweethearts. he answered me 3 days later. some girls weren't too happy because I asked "too soon", but since I knew who I wanted to ask, I just went ahead and did it. and I'm glad I did it when I did, because instead of focusing on not getting asked to Sweethearts, I focused on how excited I was for Morp, which ended up being the best date I had so far. when Prom rolled around, I still hoped to get asked, but I wasn't anticipating it because I hadn't been asked to the first 2 boys choice dances. but LO AND BEHOLD, I got asked to Prom, and a lot of my Prom group was also in my Sadie Hawkins group! so, lesson 5: PUT YOURSELF OUT THERE. if I hadn't asked to Sadie Hawkins, I wouldn't have made friends with the boys in that group, and I wouldn't have had a Prom group to go into. but getting asked to Prom was 100x more exciting because I wasn't anticipating it. and I'm glad I got the opportunity to go to the 3 dances I went to this year, because they were 3 of the best nights of high school.

MORP 2015: Lance and Jaysi, Jackson H and Hally, Maloy and Annie, Jackson R and Emily, Micah and Fielding, Regan and Scott, me and Jackson B, Kaitlyn and Chandler

finally, let's talk about change. this is my Morp group from March 2015. at the time, only Maloy had his mission call to Little Rock, Arkansas. but all the boys in my group were talking about starting their mission papers and how excited they were, and it hit me that all these boys would be leaving sometime this year (except Fielding who's in my grade). so, while I was on that date, I tried to enjoy the moment as much as I could, because in just a few months, my date would be going somewhere foreign to preach the gospel for 2 years. and it's a hard change. I've had a few of my older friends leave, and it's not easy to say goodbye to them, and just thinking about saying goodbye to these boys makes me really sad. now, all of them except Scott (who doesn't turn 18 until later this summer) and Fielding (who's in my grade) have their calls: Lance got his first, to Jacksonville, Florida, Spanish speaking. a month later, Jackson R, Chandler, and Jackson B (my Morp date) opened their calls on the same night: Jackson R to Charleston, West Virginia; Chandler to Atlanta, Georgia; and Jackson B to Dnepropetrovsk (ne-pro-pe-TROVSK), Ukraine, Russian speaking. and a month later, Jackson H to Eugene, Oregon. looking back on this picture gives me so much nostalgia because all of these boys were talking about preparing, and now, all but 2 have calls! it was so exciting watching them opening or hearing the good news, but it's also been very hard for me. I mean, these are all my friends, and they're all going stateside except Jackson B, who is going all the way to freaking UKRAINE. at first, I was just excited because he had been anticipating the call so much, and we were just relieved to know that it finally came. but the next day, it hit me that Ukraine isn't the safest or happiest place in the world. Russian is a hard language. and do I really want one of my best friends going there? but I just had to tell myself that Ukraine needs the gospel right now, and out of all my friends, Jackson is the one who needs to teach it there. as the departure dates get closer, what gets me through is just knowing that it's better if they go than if they stay, and that all of these places need the gospel, and that they are all doing the right thing. and I'm not ashamed to admit it, I've cried about it a few times, and the change is going to be hard for me. I'll be at school without my best friends. but while they're gone, instead of staying home and crying all the time, I will still put myself out there. if I'm going to write them, I need things to tell them about! so, I will try to make my senior year the best year I can and hang out with more people, get more involved in school activities, and have a good time!

so, sorry this was way long. but the take home message from this post: do your dang homework. don't slack. don't skip class. it's okay if friendships change, but they don't have to end just because you don't see them anymore. it's okay not to get asked to a dance, but don't let that define you. ask to the ones that you can get asked to, because it increases your chances of getting asked in the future. if you know who you want to take, ask ASAP. and change is hard, but try to make the best of it. if your friends get mission calls, just try to remember that they are doing the right thing, and that it's time for them to bless other peoples' lives, not just yours (did that sound cheesy? sorry about that). so, it's been a great year. it's been a hard year. but, now, school is out, and I can play tennis whenever I want and eat ice cream and go on bike rides and hang out with friends and try to get a job and sleep all day and attend mission farewells and try not to cry about it too much!

Junior Prom with Nate the Great

I know, all I ever post about is dates on my blog now. Well, get used to it. Because this girl went to her first boys choice dance ever last night!
so, a little brief introduction. every date I've gone on my junior year has either been with someone named Nate or someone who's dad is named Nate. well, I went on a date with another Nate! Also, remember how half of my Morp group was named Jackson? well, there was another Nate in my prom group. and to make it even funnier, it was the Nate that I went to Sadies with back in November! and if it isn't already crazy enough, Josh my sophomore homecoming prince was in my group. so, 2 homecoming royalty people in the same group. this year, my prom date Nate was junior homecoming prince. and 2 years ago, when I was a freshman, Jackson my Morp date was sophomore homecoming prince. I kid you not. I am not making any of this stuff up. and it's not like my school is small or anything. there are at least 500 people in each grade. it's just funny how it all happens.

also, on a side note, congratulations to Jackson my morp date on getting called to the Dnepropetrovsk, Ukraine mission! (he can't even pronounce the name of his own mission.) and to Jackson R in my morp group on going to Charleston, West Virginia, and to Chandler also from my morp group on getting his call to Atlanta, Georgia! they all opened their calls the night before Prom. AND Lance from our morp group got his call a month ago to Jacksonville, Florida, Spanish speaking. (and Maloy ALSO from our group had his call before the dance, but he is going to Little Rock, Arkansas.) WE LOVE MISSIONARIES!

anyhow, this is supposed to be about Prom, not missionary shoutouts. about a month ago, the doorbell rings on a Friday night, Justin answers it, and yells, "MIRIAM, YOU JUST GOT ASKED TO PROM!"

well, boy am I excited. of all the people he could've asked, he chose me. Nate is one of the most well-known, well respected guys in my grade. He wrestles, plays football, all his brothers played for BYU, is on athletic council, and is well-liked by everyone. every girl who found out that he was my date said, "no way, I wish he was my date!" well, sorry girls. he asked me.
I have never answered a guy to a dance before, so I wasn't very creative and I took no pictures. but I got bag of Cadbury eggs, said "Prom would be EGG-scellent with you!" and got Justin to leave it on the doorstep. and then, I just let Nate and his friends plan the shindig, and it was nice to relax and not be in charge.

for our day date, we played bubble soccer. I didn't take any pictures. but it's where you run around in inflatable bubbles (they have straps inside that you put over your shoulders, you aren't rolling around), slam into each other, and play soccer. my mom gave Nate permission to knock into me as hard as he could. which, he did. it was pretty funny at first, but running around in bubbles can be really hard and exhausting. after we lost interest in soccer, we played sharks and minnows (and Nate being a huge football player won). and then, we decided to knock our dates over!
except Nate knocked me over.
The first time, not much happened. the second time, I flew into the air, did a double backflip, and landed safely. it was AWESOME. but the third time, I did the same backflip, but i landed on my ankles really weird. and it hurt! I couldn't get up for a few seconds, but I stood up and said, "I'll be okay!" and walked it off.

well, after I picked up my boutonniere, my ankle started to hurt again and it wouldn't go away. there was no way that I would be able to wear heels and walk around all night. in fact, my whole body was hurting. my mom said that she would get my home teachers to come over and give me a priesthood blessing before Nate picked me up. (my dad was running errands and couldn't make it home before my date picked me up.) but SURPRISE, Nate arrives before my home teachers, and right as my mom is taking our picture, my home teacher arrives, looking all confused. and BOY am I embarrassed. my date already felt bad for knocking me so hard I messed up my ankle, but the fact that my mom wanted me to have a priesthood blessing? he probably felt even worse. but in order to save embarrassment, I just told my home teacher to say a prayer for me instead, that I would rely on my faith and ibuprofen and I would be fine. so, we left and drove to Josh's beautiful house to take pictures and eat a wonderful dinner catered by La Jolla Groves. it was delicious, and I even got invited to play the grand piano while everyone ate their salad. my date had never heard me play before, and he said, "I had no idea you could do that! that is amazing!" then I just said, "thanks, you're sweet" and went straight for the food.

front row: Nate R and me, Josh and Megan, Erik and Cami. 

middle row: Adam and Dathyl, Nate A and Liza, Levi and Ingrid

back row: AJ and Lindsey H, Seth and Susie, Michael and Lindsey C

 back row: Megan, Dathyl, Liza, Ingrid, Lindsey C, Lindsey H.

front row: me, Susie, and Cami

Lindsey and I

after a wonderful meal, it was PROM TIME! prom was at the Provo Library in the ballroom, and I had to set up that morning because I came up with the theme, A Night In New York. Nate had a great time telling everyone, "my date is famous! she came up with the theme! this was all her" and that just made my day. Levi in the prayer at dinner said, "please bless us that we will not fall at Promenade." well, that prayer must have worked because none of us tripped down the stairs! but it was raining like crazy. the school was so sweet and provided us umbrellas. after Nate and I walked out, our parents took pics and after my parents told Nate's mom, "we're Miriam's parents!", his younger brother said, "and Justin's parents too!" that was pretty cute. our younger brothers are in the same class at school, so even cuter.

so finally (FINALLY) we go inside and we dance. the library looks beautiful, and the music choice isn't great at first, but after Uptown Funk came on, the ballroom came alive! and we danced. we actually danced. we didn't just stand there and watch people, we got all into it. and my favorite was when every boy wanted to talk to Nate, and he said, "this is my date, and she is the funniest person I have ever met!" so did I have the best date? YES I DID. and it was so fun to see everyone in all their dresses!

we actually stayed at the dance until we were told to leave. after we left, we were supposed to go to Seth's house for the afterparty. only problem? no one in our car knew where Seth lived. so, we pull over into a BYU events parking lot, and Erik (who was driving) starts calling every boy in the group. no answer. I call every girl in the group. no answer. just as we are losing hope, "Don't Stop Believing" by Journey comes on the radio, and we started believing. right then, Josh calls Erik, Ingrid calls me, and we get an address. THANK GOODNESS for Journey! then we drove to Seth's house safely, had dessert, watched funny videos, and just laughed until we lost our voices.

so, this was a pretty successful date. I got some air, did a few backflips, ditched the heels, ate delicious Prime rib, took rainy pics on a golf course, didn't trip at all, came up with the brilliant theme, serenaded the group at dinner, did off-key duets with Nate during slow dancing, screamed Katy Perry songs in the car, started believing once Journey came on, laughed all night, made some new friends, and had the BEST TIME EVER. thank you, Nate for being the greatest date and for being a gentleman and making me feel really happy all the time. seriously, before the dance, I knew I was lucky to go with him, but after actually going with him, I realize why every girl said they wished he was their date. because HE WAS GREAT.

and my feet are still attached to my legs, and I can walk. 

SERVING others, or just serving myself?

ever since the beginning of high school, I have always wanted to be on student government. I thought it looked really fun, you got to plan things, everyone seemed like they were always having a good time, and you were recognized by the school for doing good things. I love being in charge of things, and I thought that if I was on student government, I would use my genius ideas to make the school a better place. I thought I had all the qualities of a typical, cookie-cutter student government kid: I get pretty good grades, I take AP classes, I attend all football and basketball games, I don't regularly sluff class, my attendance is pretty good, I'm social, I'm outgoing, I am a natural-born leader, I like to take charge, I'm organized, and I'm pretty well-liked. The student government advisors have both been my history teachers, and I love both of them. One of them even let me TA for her this year. So, I thought I was in pretty good shape.
my original plan was to run for Social VP, the person who plans the dances. I admit, I didn't have a lot of experience with dances. I had never been asked to a boys choice dance, and the 3 girls choice ones I had been to, I loved them. I had so many ideas of how to make them better, though. I talked to the current social VP and asked if I would be well-suited, but she said, "if you even want to think about tennis next year, please go for a smaller position. it's a lot of work, and you would never miss practice to plan an assembly." so I decided to go for Northeast Justice. at my school, justices and senates are based on a mock-government; you run based on where you live. there are 2 senates for each area, a boy and a girl, and one justice per area. Justices are in charge of upcoming elections and other things. well, the majority of people who like to run for student government also live in the northeast area of the Timpview boundaries. so, I knew i was in for some competition. but that didn't stop me.
so, in order to run for student gov, you need to complete 5 hours of service and attend 5 activities from february to march 20. I went to every basketball game, orchestra concert, softball game, and boys tennis match that I could during that time. I also joined junior council, a committee of juniors who do my dream job, which is PLAN PROM! they wanted a "city" theme, and in the back of my mind, I got an amazing idea:
A NIGHT IN NEW YORK.
the advisors liked it, the junior council presidency liked it, and BOOM.
my idea became the actual legit theme for Prom.
so that meant I would help out a lot with the decorations and stuff.
(a few weeks later, it got even better. I got asked by one of the nicest, most attractive boys in my grade. I've had so many girls tell me, "I wish that was my date!" anyhow, I'm getting off subject.)
so, I was approved to run after that. but I needed a good campaign.
a lot of people wanted me to use a castle/princess theme, but I just thought that made me look soft and feminine, which is not the most accurate description of me. and my original idea, "don't be an (something that rhymes with Castle), vote Miriam Castle!" wasn't school appropriate. so, I called up one of my friends, and we took these pictures.

 "she's #1"

so, most of these pictures were turned into some sweet looking posters, none of which are saved on my computer. but most of them said "SERVING you as Northeast Justice- vote Miriam Castle". so of course, I had to put some tennis humor in there. my friend who usually takes my pictures moved to Highland, but she still agreed to take my pictures and let me borrow her Disneyland crown (there is no way I was going to use the Castle theme seriously. the most I would do was wear the crown). a lot of people complimented me on my posters.
but WAIT.
one of my opponents was one of my very own teammates. I admit, I did not want her to win. I mean, last time I played her in tennis, she beat me. so, maybe this could've been my revenge. but we were friendly with each other and never trash-talked. but it wasn't what I wanted to do, run against my teammate and friend.
OH, and a sophomore boy was also running against us. both juniors and seniors can be elected as justices, so I had to worry about 2 people now.

but I thought I had a lot of support.
I guess the sophomore boy had more though. (and his campaign was also really good.)
what I think happened, was my friend and I split the junior vote, and the sophomore boy got all the sophomore votes, which makes sense. and in a way, I felt a bit better because I didn't like running against my friend and teammate. I didn't want to beat her, but I didn't want her to beat me, either.
but I lost. and I don't like losing. a lot of my friends made it on, including my prom date. but not all hope was lost. there were still 9 appointed positions. you had to interview for them, and they were tough, but of course, because I thought I was qualified, I could be one of the 9 people......out of around 30.
(my interview even went really well!!)

and of course. you can already tell, I didn't get it. at first, I'm just telling myself "why, you were so qualified to this!" and then "I suck I suck I suck I suck I suck" and then finally, I realized that if I was the one choosing people, then I would look at someone like me and notice there are a lot of good qualities, but also a few flaws. like:
1. I am blunt and honest and straight-forward. some people really like this quality, and in some situations, it is very good. but say, you are on a planning committee with others, and you don't like their idea, and if you're anything like me, you skip all the sugar coating and straight-up say, "this sucks." not appropriate for student government. I really try not to do this, but sometimes, I have no filter and I worry less about pleasing everyone and making them feel good and more about getting what I want.
2. I am a bit sassy. Again, I really try not to do this. But at the wrong moments, I come across as rude. Is this good for student government? Not necessarily.
3. I really hate to admit this, but sometimes, I take the role of being in charge too seriously.

and YES I JUST ADMITTED MY SHORTCOMINGS. that is a hard thing for me to do. really, it is. I had never even considered them until after I lost. am I happy? not really. did a lot of my friends (and my prom date) make it on, and I didn't? definitely.
but, is this a learning experience? of course.
and can I use this to become a better person in the future? dang right, I can.

some things, I feel like I just can't change about myself. truthfully, I will always be an honest, straight-forward person. but I'm working on not saying what I'm thinking all the time. and I'm trying not to make everything about me. I did genuinely want to help out my school and make friends and be involved. I do have good intentions, but sometimes, I think more about what I want and have a difficult time agreeing with others.

and really, the fact that I actually put myself out there and ran for something, that is an amazing thing itself. it was so dang scary.

I should probably be reading The Grapes of Wrath right now, so I'm gonna end this here.
goodnight.

MORP 2k15: now...HOW many Jackson's are there again?

well, out of all the many (3) dates I've been on now, this one has got to be my favorite. hands down. (sorry to the other 2.) MORP is just one of the best dances. It's near the end of 3rd term, which is probably the worst part of the year, so it gives me something to look forward to. it's in March, the weather is good, and both years I've gone it's been semi-formal. AND the girls get to ask. Well, a lot of my friends are seniors, and this would be their last girls-choice dance to go to. so, I asked one of my very best friends, Jackson. His sister Kate and I are also really good friends, and she told me, "if you want to ask him, then go for it! but if I were you, I would ask a lot sooner than later!" so, 5 days before Sweethearts (HEAVEN FORBID I ask to Morp before Sweethearts is over!!), and 2 days before Sweethearts, he answers me (some really weird girls thought the whole thing was crazy.)

this is probably the best thing I've come up with. so, Jackson and I both play tennis. actually, we've played each other for fun a few times and he always beats me. once, he played with his left hand and he still beat me! either he's way good or I'm way bad. but he did tell me that I have a great serve and I'm very consistent, so I probably wasn't as bad as I thought I was. also, that was almost 2 years ago, and I've gotten a lot better. also, if you think I'm not classy or anything, don't worry, Jackson thought it was funny. the poster says: "JACKSON- it took a lot of BALLS to ask...MORP? (name is on balls)"

3 days later, this shows up on my doorstep:

"can I? YES!"

well, I got myself an answer 3 days after I asked, I got myself a date, I got myself a dress, and I got myself a group. sounds great, right? well, it's not quite that simple. whenever girls have to plan dances, they go psycho on each other and NOTHING is ever okay. there's always a problem with the food, the time, the plans, every little thing has to be perfect. I decided that since I was the only junior besides my friend Kaitlyn who wasn't even going on the day date, I would try to cause the least amount of problems I could. but it was pretty stressful getting plans changed on me all the time. Long story short, I had to call up Jackson the morning of and say "plans changed, I'm picking you up in a half hour." and he said, "thanks for letting me know, I need to get out of bed!" so I got our day date snack at Kneaders (we order the exact same thing, turkey bacon avocado on foccacia, so that wasn't even a problem), picked him up, and drove to the house we thought we were meeting at. well, guess what? as soon as we get there, someone calls me and tells us to meet somewhere else instead! and that place was, what do you know, right by Kneader's where I just was! but what can we do. not our fault.

our day date plans were to go razor riding west of Eagle Mountain, which is west of Lehi. so pretty much in the wilderness, about 40ish minutes away. well, I had no idea how long it would take to get there, and all of a sudden, I really had to pee. I tried to hold it as long as I could, but finally I decided I was desperate and told the driver "I really have to pee. I mean, really." so Jackson H, our driver (not my date, who is Jackson B) just pulled over and there were no bushes, so I had to jump into a ditch and let it all out. not what everyone expected. and I'm already feeling bad because I'm the only junior on the day date, so I already feel like the baby. and I made them pull over. but that stuff just happens, and it made for an exciting car ride!

for those of you who have no idea what razor riding is, that thing behind me and Jackson is a razor. or a rhino. or a who knows what. but pretty much, you drive these things around in the desert and have a gooooood time. it's pretty much just off-roading. and it is SO MUCH FUN. I had never done razor riding prior to this date, and I am sure glad I hooked up with this group because Jackson and I were having the time of our lives out here! we were in a 4-seater, and we took the backseat because I'm not experienced enough and I didn't want my date to kill me. So, the other couple, Emily and Jackson R (yes, there were 3 Jackson's in this group. it was pretty funny when someone would yell, "hey Jackson!" and all of them would say "which one?!" and no, we did not all get together and say, "hey, let's all ask people named Jackson!" it just so happened that way. but I really like that name Jackson and apparently so do tons of other people) sat up front and other Jackson was a great driver and didn't flip us over, and we made it out alive! it was quite an adventure! 

the girls. front row: me, Jaysi, Micah, and Hally. back row: Emily, Annie, Regan

our group: Jaysi and Lance, Maloy and Annie, Jackson R and Emily, Hally and Jackson H, me and Jackson B, Scott and Regan, Fielding and Micah

also, HUGE thank you to Jaysi and her dad for bring up all the razors and making this possible! 

all too soon, we had to pack up and Jackson H and Hally drove Annie, Maloy, me, and Jackson B (aka Jackson my date) back to Kneaders, we all got in our cars, and drove our dates home. we would see them again in less than 2 hours. my really good friend Haley told me she would curl my hair with a wand, and it turned out great. my hair is really thick and usually refuses to curl with a clamp iron. but Haley is a hair genie and knows how to work her magic wand, and it looked so good! as soon as she was finished, I got back into my car, chose my new "MORP" playlist, and picked up Jackson once again. the first thing he said was, "bad news. I thought your dress was black, not navy. and I'm wearing all black. don't kill me!" and I just said, "of course not! you look great!" and his sweet mom took a few pictures of us, and then we drove back to the Riverwoods for like the 3rd time that day to take real pictures and eat dinner!

and Jackson, being so sweet, even got me a corsage.

 left to right: Lance and Jaysi, Jackson H and Hally, Maloy and Annie, Jackson R and Emily, Micah and Fielding, Regan and Scott, me and Jackson B, Kaitlyn and Chandler (Kaitlyn had dance all morning and couldn't make it to the day date, but we are all so glad she was able to come to the dinner part!)

 the dudes: Jackson R, Jackson H, Fielding, Scott, Jackson B, Chandler, Lance, and Maloy (the King)

 Emily, Micah, Annie, Jaysi, Hally, Regan, Kaitlyn, and me

we had a wonderful dinner at La Jolla Groves. it took forever for any of to choose, because everything looked so good! Jackson went with a chicken alfredo pasta, and I went with beef sirloin medallions with mango chutney. it was so good,and I wasn't even stuffed, which was good because next up, was the dance!

the theme was "Once Upon a Time", so it was perfectly fitting that the dance was at a castle park in Lindon. this place is usually used for receptions and stuff like that, but I guess for 1 night, it turned into a Timpview High School dance party. some people took the prince/princess theme seriously; most of my group did not. but if I say so myself, Jackson and I were definitely the best looking couple there. we had a great time "dancing" (Jackson just standing there watching me get into it), going to the photobooth, and then, there was slow dancing... Jackson almost twirled me into some other couple a few times, but other than that, we were probably the greatest dancers there!

after about an hour, we drove back to Jackson's house so he could change, and then we drove to my house so I could change and pick up some cookies to bring to Regan's. she had a bonfire going in her backyard, and a really cool swingset on the side of a hill. I guess I have no life because I do not like swinging. the motion just makes me a bit seasick. but Jackson proved to be an entirely different case. he saw the swingset and went running for it, hopped on a swing, and was squealing and laughing and having the time of his life! finally, he convinced me to join him so I could "feel the magic of the swings! Miriam, you gotta admit, it's pretty cool. it's like......you're flying!" well, okay, Jackson. I guess I gotta admit that. but he was enjoying himself a lot more than I was. I was perfectly content just watching him and eating smores and cookies. we all talked by the fire a bit, and then all too soon, we remembered it was freaking DAYLIGHT SAVINGS the next day, and he has early church. so, at like 12;50 AM, I drove him home and we just sang every word of every song together. I love it when people like my music, especially boys. Jackson and I have pretty much the same music taste, and it was nice to have someone (with a really good voice too!) to sing along with me. this was definitely the most fun date I have been on: we had great food, great music, great people, I went razor riding/off roading/whatever works for you and didn't die, I went flying on a crazy swingset, sang good songs, and had the sweetest date. 

PS. the subject of graduating and missions came up at least 10 times that day. why am I not a senior? or why aren't all my friends juniors? why are they all leaving?

ADD...oh wait. what?

one of my biggest pet peeves is when people say, "I'm so ADD right now!"

because, unless you have actually been diagnosed by a doctor, you're not.

ADD/ADHD is a lot more than simply "not being able to concentrate on stuff " or "getting easily distracted." I invite you all (except NO ONE ACTUALLY READS MY BLOG) to read this. the guy who wrote this did 100x better explaining what I deal with 24/7 than I ever could. and it's actually quite funny.  every time someone asks me what it's like to live with ADD, I wish I could show them this. because this guy seriously nailed it.

http://www.tickld.com/x/if-your-friends-ever-say-they-have-adhd-just-show-them-this

and I also found this video. yet another accurate and humorous description of what goes on in the brain. this one is hilarious, but after my brothers watched it, they also claimed they were ADD, so be careful with this one. it is true that some of these behaviors exist in normal people, but they are much more extreme with ADD.

(also, ADD and ADHD are basically the same thing. in my case, I am still restless and impulsive, but not as extreme as some people with the hyperactivity. I don't go running around destroying things impulsively.)

PS. it took me about 20 minutes to write this post because I kept on getting distracted and forgot what I was doing.
PPS. that was not an ADD joke. that really happened.
PPPS. I was actually writing an essay for AP US History when I got distracted, got on Facebook (which I get on at most once a day to check if I have notifications), saw a link to the article, and decided to read it.

10 steps of having good times, most of the time

a lot of people tell me I am a very cheerful person. I'd like to think of myself that way, but sometimes, I slip up and am a real grump. a few of my friends ask me how I manage to stay happy most of the time. truth is, I don't even know myself, but I have a few things I do that have really helped me to be a lot happier than I normally would be this crazy junior year. so, I present you

The 10 Steps of having Good Times, (most of the time)

1. look good. when you look good, you feel good. and yes this means wearing makeup. even if it's just a little mascara, it still makes a huge difference. I know I probably don't look horrible without makeup, but I just feel like it enhances the way I look, and it makes me feel more confident. also, this means actually getting dressed. I know that leggings and sweatshirts are more comfortable than jeans or dresses or anything that requires "pants", and I do wear leggings and sweatshirts myself. but don't do it everyday. those outfits make me feel comfortable, but knowing I took the time to get myself dressed and look cute makes me feel a lot more confident and ready for my day. one of my friends asked me why I always look cute, and I said, "I just want to. looking good makes me feel good!"

2. don't eat a ton of crap. carrots don't taste like peanut butter chocolate chip cookies, and I think everyone knows that I would definitely prefer the latter. but eating junk food all the time doesn't make you feel good, and therefore, it doesn't make you happy. I'm not saying abandon it completely. It's something I would never be able to do. but cutting back and eating healthier just makes you feel good! so, do it.

3. make someone's day, every day. it's just a nice thing to do. give someone a genuine compliment. you have no idea how much it can make someone's day. I've had those rough days where I come to school with really wet hair and got 5 hours of sleep, and someone has given me a compliment, and it just makes the day a whole lot better. try it! (but don't give the same people the same compliments every day, because eventually, they might start to question your sincerity.) but if you compliment at least one person or do something else to make their day, just watch their reaction. I guarantee your day will be made as well!

4. develop passions and talents. I have played piano for 9-10 years, and it took a while before I decided I was really passionate about it. I had to switch teachers a few times and find songs that I truly enjoyed to play, and once I did that, I was hooked. a really musically talented friend of mine helped me push myself more and have real goals of where I wanted to be. I started practicing for longer, and I made it a routine. I finally found my passion after playing for about 7 years. they don't just come to you though. you have to work on them, but in the end, knowing that all that hard work has paid off is truly one of the greatest feelings. for you, it doesn't have to be piano. it can be art, a sport, cooking, anything, really. (as long as it isn't watching TV or doing drugs. those require no talent.)

5. exercise. for me, this is easy because going back to step 4, tennis is one of my biggest passions. whenever it is possible, I make my mom or a friend go down to the court with me and hit with me. not only am I getting exercise doing it, but I am also improving my talents, forming close friendships, and doing what I love to do! sometimes, I hate early morning conditions. but I still go to them, because the results will make me feel good in the end and I will be happier. in the winter, it is a lot harder for me because indoor courts are not available on demand. on those days, I just go to the gym and run on the treadmill. it definitely isn't the same thing, but I am getting some form of exercise, and that helps my wintertime depression in ways I never thought it would. finding motivation to exercise may not be the easiest, but make yourself do it. I promise. it's so good for you.

6. do what you want. because why would we waste our time doing what we don't want to do? (except for homework. for the sake of your grades and getting into college, do that.) I have an interesting story to go along with this. Sweethearts was last week, on Valentines Day. I didn't get asked to that dance, and I already knew who I wanted to ask to MORP, which is 3 weeks after. so, on the Monday before Sweethearts, I went ahead and asked! It is an unspoken social norm not to ask to a dance before another dance is over. well, I broke that rule. why? because I knew who I wanted to ask! did I care that my date has a girlfriend? well, maybe I did, but she's really nice. did that stop me from asking? NO! a few girls were not too happy that I broke 2 unspoken rules, and asked me "why did you ask so early? sweethearts hasn't even happened!" or "why did you ask him? he has a girlfriend!" well, it's because I knew I wanted to ask him, so I freaking did it! and did I care what people thought? no! and did he answer me 3 days later (still 2 days before Sweethearts)? you bet he did! so, this just proves that doing what you want makes you happy, and don't you ever let anyone stop you!

7. be confident! this is harder for some people, but I found that when I am confident in myself, I am a lot happier and it makes it easier for me to be nice to others. it's that simple. it's harder to be nice to people if you aren't nice to yourself! so, be nice to yourself. be confident. don't be too cocky, because you might come off the wrong way. but please, don't get down on yourself! just tell yourself, "I got this." and you will find that you do!

8. know that it's okay not to be happy all the time. some days, I just lose it. school is hard. friends are hard. there's no food in the house. it's cold outside. and in that case, it's okay to be sad. it's okay to cry. don't worry that you aren't being happy all the time. I'm definitely not that way! and yes, it's okay to have a bad week. that's happened to me. but remember, it's just a bad day. not a bad life!

9. don't care so much about what others think. because chances are, if you think they think a certain way, they are probably not even thinking about you at all! and if they judge you based on stupid things, they aren't worth your time. you're too good for that.

10. enjoy the good times. make them memorable. make the most out of them. enjoy them.

hope this helps.

is this the real life...or is this just Fantasie?

I'm not really good at this whole blogging game anymore because junior year happened. and as far as I know, no one even reads my blog anymore. but for those that do, I thought I might humor you with an embarrassing story.

so, last Saturday, I have this piano recital, and I'm supposed to be playing this song- Fantasie Impromptu by Chopin. I have wanted to learn this song for a loooong time. about 2 years ago, one of my really good friends played it for me and I was amazed at how good he was, and I told myself, "someday, I will be this good and I will learn this." well, in November, I finished off my crazy huge sonata festival (where I played this song, Moonlight Sonata, movement 3. all 15 pages), and finally, I could prepare for my 19th century recital, and of course, after playing all 15 pages of the 3rd movement of Moonlight Sonata, I feel like I can play anything. so, I choose Fantasie Impromptu. and it's not an easy song. It required long, slow practices with the metronome, drilling the same measures for hours, painful wrist tension, learning when to lift the pedal, balance and articulation, dynamics, and playing with expression. if a deaf person watched me play, they wouldn't think I was very good unless they watched the movement in my fingers. I am not one of those people who moves their entire body with the music. my passion lies in my fingers only, not everything else. I just can't subconsciously do that. but I've been trying to look more passionate when I play.  so, add all that stuff up and it's a lot to work on. I wanted to get it perfect, so I'd practice an hour-an hour and a half every day, just on that song. (now, I know that more dedicated pianists practice at least 2 hours. I just don't have the time or patience to do that. but I'm doing my best.)

but finally, the day of my recital, I feel really confident and I can play through the song almost perfectly. I'm not too worried because it's not a competition and I'm not getting judged. I'm not too nervous. I'm listed second to last on the program, so I let all these kids go before me, and I'm doing okay. But as soon as I walk up there, the nerves hit me. at my last recital (which was a competition), I had to start over but after that I played well. I didn't want to do it this time. So, I'm sitting at the bench, thinking through my song...or that's what I'm supposed to be doing. I just go and jump in and start playing, and already on the 4th measure, I can't play. I screw up a run, and decide to start again. my goal was not to start over. but I guess I can do it once. but I have the same problem. same spot. I can't get past that one spot. so, without thinking, I just run off the stage and tell the last girl to go. everyone's staring at me and that makes me feel worse. I sit with my parents and they don't say anything, except my dad says, "if you want to go up after she's done, then you should. but I won't force you to do this one." which my dad is never like this. usually, he makes me push through everything. if I'm feeling sick, he claims it's all in my head and that I need to be mentally tough. if I say I'm going to do something, I'm not allowed to back out. but I could tell he felt really bad, which made me feel better but also made me feel almost worse, in a way.

well, I thought about it the whole time the last girl was playing. I worked so hard to get to this moment, and why back out after all that? I already messed up pretty bad and started over twice and gave up. but I wasn't going to leave the recital hall without playing my song. and I wouldn't start over again.

so the last girl finishes, and I walk back up, sit down, actually think about what I'm about to do, and once I'm ready, I start playing. and I am actually doing pretty well. I'm still really nervous, so I'm not playing nearly as well as I do on my own, but considering the fact that I'm under a lot of pressure, it's going okay. but right as I'm about to get to the slow part, I look down at the keys and see that there's blood all over them. and then I notice, my index finger on my right hand, has a hangnail, and it just happened to start bleeding.

THERE IS BLOOD.
ON THE PIANO.
just when you think it can't get any worse, IT DOES.

well, I've already started over twice and let another girl go in front of me, so I guess I just have to ignore this bloody hangnail. but it's obvious. anyone who was sitting on the front row could tell that I'm bleeding everywhere. and I just have to play through it. I try not to focus on it, but it just made it 500 times harder to play. but I play okay and I just accept that I have to struggle through it. so, I finish, play my final chord, casually wipe my finger off, and stand up and take my bow.
and EVERYONE IS CLAPPING.
well, what do I do now? I just run straight to my teacher and say, "I have a hangnail on my right hand and it started bleeding while I was playing... don't let anyone near the piano. um.... sorry about that." and she says, "it's okay, you played through it, and you played beautifully." and a bunch of moms came up to me and said that they have heard me at other recitals and master classes, and that I'm a very accomplished pianist and that they are impressed that even though I got hit by some weird case of nerves and my FREAKING FINGER STARTED TO BLEED, I pushed through it and played really well. I guess that made me feel a little better. but to me, I just felt like a failure. I thought it was going to be amazing, I would play through it perfectly, and not get a bloody hangnail. so, I just beat myself up the whole way home and cry about how bad I am and that these people don't know everything.

but eventually, that evening, I recovered. I was at a party in Park City with a ton of my friends, and they asked how my day was, and I told them this story, and I was even able to laugh at myself. because the whole thing now seemed absolutely ridiculous. it was really embarrassing at the time, but I was able to get over myself. and considering the fact that I had a really weird case of nerves and that I was bleeding everywhere, I played really well. and if I had just given up, I would've been really mad at myself for a long time.

so, next time you have a recital or concert or game or anything, just think, "at least I don't have a bloody hangnail." and even if you do, just push through it. it's hard to ignore this stuff, but I pushed through it. and I'm just proud of myself for doing that. and who knows, it makes for a good story to tell at parties.